Customer Reviews

Putting God on the Guest List: How to Reclaim the Spiritual Meaning of Your Child's Bar or Bat Mitzvah

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1 star:		(1)

 

 

This book should be read by every parent whose child is approaching bar/bat mitzvah. Too often, the significance of the occasion is lost in the "big party". This book focuses on what is important about the bar/bat mitzvah-about accepting responsibilities such as study and performing mitzvot, about the service and about keeping the celebration in perspective. It focuses on the spiritual as it should and helps pull away from the social aspects that often overwhelm the true meaning of bar/bat mitzvah.

There are any number of books which are designed to help you plan the logistics of a bar/bat mitzvah. This book's main purpose, however, is not to be a party planning guide. Instead, this book reaffirms the important commitment a bar/bat mitzvah makes to Judism. A party is fine but truly connecting with God, our people and our ancestors is what the experience is all about. The bar/bat mitzvah experience is explored in a very spiritual, meanful way but not necessarily from the orthodox standpoint. Indeed, the authors are non orthodox. I recommend this book to all who wish to make the bar/bat mitzvah a meaningful means to grow as a Jew rather than as an end in itself.

I got this book in preparation for my son's Bar Mitzvah, back in 2002. We had an interfaith family and crowd, and this was a great resource for highlighting the important points, and bringing everybody together to celebrate. It also helped me resist the pressure to have a huge, ostentatious shindig. We had a personal, warm, intimate affair, with a focus on the gravity of the event. My son got to experience the other style of celebration with his NY cousins, and while it was certainly fun, it was a little overwhelming. There are a few things in this book that have stuck with me to this day, which is why I was out here looking for the title, and decided to add my review.

When I told a friend that my son was preparing for his Bar Mitzvah, she handed me the greatest gift, Rabbi Salkin's book, Putting God on the Guest List. While financial security is a wonderful thing it has also given rise to unforeseen consequences in my opinion. Case in point is what has happened to Bar and Bat Mitzvahs in the last 10 years or so. Since growing up in the 50's when I attended many Bar Mitzvahs, I have watched in utter amazement how this seminal event has turned from an obvious cause for family and friend celebration into 3 day gatherings that you'd expect to see only on "The Rich and Famous." When did Bar and Bat Mitzvahs turn into storybook weddings and is this all really necessary or desirable? I knew in my heart it was not. Fortunately, reading this book gave me the conviction and inspiration to take back the reins and create a celebration that had all of the magic ingredients that worked for our family where I focused on keeping the meaning of the event central while still providing a space for true joyful celebration. Thank you Rabbi Salkin!

I wrote a much lengthier review at my blog [...] but this book is not only great for someone who is planning a bar mitzvah, but for Jews by choice. I recommend it!

Rabbi Salkin's book is filled with wonderful meaningful direction as you are planning your child's bar/t mitzvah! It will give you a way to relate to the simcha with more purpose, beyond the theme, costs and presents!
Nita Polay Levin,
Religious School Director,
East Brunswick Jewish Center

Great book to keep the focus on the "mitzvah" (good deed) and less on the party not only from a theoretical standpoint but a practical and logistical planning view as well.

The attitude in the book is decide what is important to you as a child reaching the age of bar/bat mitzvah and your family then work together to weave that into your thinking and planning.

I think the book takes the approach that the young person is stepping through to young adulthood and it is a process to grow up and become a "good" person or Jew - perhaps it is a lifelong event. The book seeks to make the occasion mindful of what the young person and her or his family values.

Suggestions abound in the book as to how to incorporate these values into the whole event - before, during and after.

The book covers all angles - relationship of bar or bat mitvah child to self, family, friends, community, humanity, spirit...cynical or devout children.

My suggestion: read it cover to cover, discuss it then make judgments.

By the way, "God" has many different meanings depending on who one speaks to...

I just gave the book four stars due to "God" in the title which was a turnoff if one doesn't open the book and read it if the potential reader is not from a traditional background. In our intermarried family, I am a somewhat secular Jew and my husband evolved into an atheist who was raised as a Catholic. He had trouble with the title having "God" in it.

However, we both agree on "Jewish/human" values which are common to many cultures not just Jews: caring for the environment, kindness, compassion, helping fellow humans by visiting the sick/elderly, helping animals, eating with consciousness and so forth.

I did like the way Salkin addresses the "God" issue and skeptical children (you'll just have to read it yourself with an open mind...).

I particularly liked the section on mitzvahs (usually translated as "good deeds" and literally "commandments") in the ceremony itself...
This was especially relevant to me as I volunteered on my shul's environmental committee. My child volunteered at an animal shelter and his Torah portion had to do with the ten plagues which he related to modern day ills such as pollution, clearing of forests, global warming, animals on the brink of extinction such as polar bears and so on.

This book inspired me to make a tallit (prayer shawl) for him from fabric made of reclaimed wood, with designs incorporating trees, water, stars and sailboats. Growing up, our family did not attend a synagogue but stayed close to nature by sailing.

Also, much thought was given to the party afterwards as a result of this book - location was accessible to walkers as well as those who use public transportation or are physically challenged, carpools were set up, Kosher fair trade coffee was served, vegetarian food was served (even the carnivores liked it), tried to obtain local produce (try that in winter in New Jersey!), recycled/recyclable paper/plastic ware ware was used - then recycled again, decorations on the table consisted of framed certificates re donations to Jewish National Fund planting trees in Israel, leftover food was donated to local food pantry serving homeless and so on...

I would recommend this book to anyone or any family, regardless of Jewish denomination: secular, reform, reconstructionist, Conservative, Orthodox, Conservadox, Modern Orthodox, unaffiliated, Secular Humanist, interfaith, intermarried, other...

Again, read it in its entirety while keeping an open mind then make judgments and plans.

Post Script: the funny thing is now that our son is post bar mitzvah, he describes himself as an atheist Jew, but he maintains a strong connection to Judaism and Jewish/human values by volunteering to help elderly folks by clearing snow from driveways without pay, teaching computer skills, visiing the sick, caring for animals, putting together Purim baskets, joining Jewish teen group based on Israeli style youth groups, singing Jewish songs in Yiddish or Hebrew, helping others improve their Hebrew (like his mom, now studying with her B'nai Mitzvah class), studying at the Jewish Theological Seminary and at shul, discussing what it means to be a (G-d optional) Jew...

I would just like to know how I got referred to THIS book when what I was searching for was the topics of "J.D. Salinger"?