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Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads: Dealing with the Difficult Parents in Your Child's Life [Paperback]

Rosalind Wiseman , Elizabeth Rapoport
3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)

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Book Description

January 30, 2007
What happens to Queen Bees and Wannabes when they grow up?

Even the most well-adjusted moms and dads can experience peer pressure and conflicts with other adults that make them act like they’re back in seventh grade. In Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads, Rosalind Wiseman gives us the tools to handle difficult situations involving teachers and other parents with grace. Reassuring, funny, and unfailingly honest, Wiseman reveals:

• Why PTA meetings and Back-to-School nights tap into parents’ deepest insecurities

• How to recognize the archetypal moms and dads—from Caveman Dad to Hovercraft Mom

• How and when to step in and step out of your child’s conflicts with other children, parents, teachers, or coaches

• How to interpret the code phrases other parents use to avoid (or provoke) confrontation

• Why too many well-meaning dads sit on the sidelines, and how vital it is that they step up to the plate

• What to do and say when the playing field becomes an arena for people to bully and dominate other kids and adults

• How to have respectful yet honest conversations with other parents about sex and drugs when your values are in conflict

• How the way you handle parties, risky behavior, and academic performance affects your child

• How unspoken assumptions about race, religion, and other hot-button subjects sabotage parents’ ability to work together

Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads is filled with the kind of true stories that made Wiseman’s New York Times bestselling book Queen Bees & Wannabes impossible to put down. There are tales of hardworking parents with whom any of us can identify, along with tales of outrageously bad parents—the kind we all have to reckon with. For instance, what do you do when parents donate a large sum of money to a school and their child is promptly transferred into the honors program–while your son with better grades doesn’t make the cut? What about the mother who helps her daughter compose poison-pen e-mails to yours? And what do you say to the parent-coach who screams at your child when the team is losing? Wiseman offers practical advice on avoiding the most common parenting “land mines” and useful scripts to help you navigate difficult but necessary conversations.

Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads is essential reading for parents today. It offers us the tools to become wiser, more relaxed parents–and the inspiration to speak out, act according to our values, show humility, and set the kind of example that will make a real difference in our children’s lives.


Also available as a Random House AudioBook and as an eBook

Frequently Bought Together

Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads: Dealing with the Difficult Parents in Your Child's Life + Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World + Little Girls Can Be Mean: Four Steps to Bully-proof Girls in the Early Grades
Price for all three: $33.33

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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Wise yet practical and full of humor, Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads is a must-read for parents who want to deal with the other adults in their children’s lives with skill and compassion, rather than wrath and confusion. Rosalind Wiseman’s thoughtful suggestions will spare parents endless conflicts and substitute creative interventions. This book forces us to look ourselves in the mirror and face both our strengths and weaknesses while inspiring us to act as strong yet empathic role models for our children in a much-too-pressured and competitive world." —William Pollack, author of Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood

"Rosalind Wiseman is consistently amazing for her window on the real world. As always, she has an uncanny knack for characterizing people whom we see every day, and I found her stories compelling and poignant. Her advice is specific and to the point and can only be extremely helpful to parents taking on the humbling and perplexing world of the other adults who play such a big part in their own kids' lives. Above all, I found the book extraordinarily compassionate." —Anthony Wolf, Ph.D., author of Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?

“Wise, funny, real, and right on, Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads will be your bible for handling the adults in your child’s life – including yourself – with dignity and grace. Reading this book is an act of courage and love on behalf of your family. —Rachel Simmons, author of Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls

"Rosalind Wiseman has a good ear and a good eye. She watches and listens to the every day talk of kids and adults and hears and sees below the surface to identify important underlying social realities. In Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads she provides a road map for parents to help them negotiate the treacherous waters of adult peer culture on behalf of their children and their own peace of mind." —James Garbarino, Ph.D., author of See Jane Hit and Lost Boys

"Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads is honest and wise. As a father, I found the insights, stories and practical information in this book very powerful. As a professional, I found the book's basic premise to be profoundly important to the field of child development. Rosalind Wiseman asks nothing less of us than basic human civility." —Michael Gurian, author of The Minds of Boys and The Wonder of Girls

About the Author

Rosalind Wiseman is a cofounder of the Empower Program, a nonprofit organization that empowers youth to stop violence, and the author of the New York Times bestselling Queen Bees & Wannabes, the basis for the movie Mean Girls. She lives in Washington, D.C., with her husband and two children. Readers can visit her website at rosalindwiseman.com.

Elizabeth Rapoport was the editor of Rosalind Wiseman’s Queen Bees & Wannabes. A full-time editor, writer, and life coach, she lives in White Plains, New York, with her husband and their two teenagers.


From the Hardcover edition.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 352 pages
  • Publisher: Three Rivers Press; Reprint edition (January 30, 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 140008301X
  • ISBN-13: 978-1400083015
  • Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.8 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #70,576 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

3.8 out of 5 stars
(6)
3.8 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
15 of 17 people found the following review helpful
I have two elementary-aged girls and bought this book hoping it would help me communicate with other adults in their lives in a productive manner. Mrs. Wiseman injects humor, incorporates real-life stories from parents across the country and provides step by step how-to strategies for dealing with difficult situations. While you might have moved on from 7th grade you will be amazed by the number of folks who have not and these include your children's teachers, coaches, friend's parents, etc. At the very least this book helps you recognize some of the personalities you will encounter.
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9 of 10 people found the following review helpful
By Medusa
Amazon Verified Purchase
My child's teacher suggested I read this book, after dealing with self righteous parents, who injected themselves into my child's life through their kids. Righteous parents are always confident that their kids are perfect and that they themselves are quintessential parent. I'm constantly amazed by parents who think that giving material things will compensate for not spending time with their children, and that staying out of their kids' business is projected as "democratic" parenting. However; this book opened my eyes to the fact that we need to let our kids fight their own battles sometimes. Being overly protective might send the message to our kids that they are not capable or strong enough to handle their problems.

The trick is deciding when to step in and when to back off and this book will teach the trick to every parent who is open minded enough to admit that they are not perfect. The book taught me that I can't protect my child from all heart breaking experiences and that allowing her to go through the pain might help her become stronger as she grows up. Our children will encounter different bullies/situations throughout their lives. Sometimes we need to let them make their decisions and other times it is our duty to confront the adult bullies behind the young bullies in their lives.

One other valuable new thing I learned from this book is that the game of bullying and authority struggles that we face as kids might extend to the parents' world. Dictator parents never grow up and seek to expand their authority through their kids to other parents. It is true that" the apple doesn't fall far from the tree". Our duty as parents is to not follow the dictator parents in our community who think that they can rule the world and bully teachers and other parents.
... Read more ›
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Love. this. book! September 29, 2010
Amazon Verified Purchase
This book is a must-read for anyone with kids in public school. If your kids are in elementary school, read it now so you can get a jump start. The author accurately (IMHO) describes the different types of parents you will encounter if you are involved at any level with your child's school, and she gives helpful tips on how to deal with each type. This book also helped me and my husband understand how other parents might view US, and we have used some of her strategies with success. This book is also available on CD -- my husband listened to it while commuting. He and I lead Cub/Girl Scout Dens/Troops, and I am involved with the PTA. We pick up this book every now and then for tips on how to deal effectively with other parents.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Some great insights, but not always spot-on... October 8, 2012
I was excited to see this book in the store and eagerly started reading as soon as I got home. The book has some really great insights, but in my personal and professional opinion, is not always spot-on. Definitely worth a read to raise your awareness of the politics at work behind parent-parent and parent-school interactions, but take specific advice with a grain of salt. Ask yourself, is this really how things are in my community, and is this really the best way to handle it? Overall, I am pleased that Wiseman raises these questions in the first place.
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17 of 28 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars What grown-up has time for all this drama? February 15, 2008
I read the book and picked up some good hints for dealing with unfairness and how to handle it if I should have to deal with a rogue coach or something. I guess we've been lucky. With the exception of the fallout of having to deal with one whacked first grade teacher, I have managed to bring kids to the teen/pre-teen years without getting too wrapped up in the drama of the kid who didn't get invited to the Big Party, or the Kid who Spends Too Much Time of the Sidelines or the Mean PTA Lady Who Makes Me Do Scut Work while all her cronies get the plum assignments. In short, I have a life, as do my kids, and they really aren't the same life. But in all our lives, not being invited to every event, or not being the kid with the most playing time on the court, or even being teased for wearing an eye patch are all small bumps in life's journey, not the measure of our self worth.
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21 of 48 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Some of Us Have Left Seventh Grade Behind May 29, 2007
Amazon Verified Purchase
I am the mother of two first grade children and picked up this book rather reflexively a few weeks ago. I was drawn in by the promise that it would reveal the secrets of all of the weird and labyrinthine social interactions that supposedly plague parents of school-aged kids. I figured it must have something to tell me that I don't already know!

Although I've had my share of questioning my own and other parent's judgement at various moments throughout my children's school experiences (so far preschool through first grade) -- I find that my live-and-learn attitude, and my sense of confidence and practicality just keep my boat afloat. If I screw up, I learn something from it and try to manage things better next time. If someone else screws up, I might stew over it for a while, but ultimately, I just right myself and move on. I guess I just don't have the time or interest to care much about whether there's a queen bee or a superdad around. I figure we're all just people after all and everyone is working from a different set of strengths and weaknesses. What is the big deal?

I mean are we really all fretting over what to wear on "back to school night," or chewing our nails with anxiety when one mother is on a first name basis with the principal while we are still at the smile and nod in the hallways stage with that person?

After reading about 1/2 the book and flipping through the rest trying to find a chapter worth reading but failing at that task -- I finally gave up and realized that maybe -- just maybe -- I just have gotten over 7th grade after all. I'll bet I'm not alone.
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