Customer Reviews

Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence

5 star:		(50)
4 star:		(22)
3 star:		(11)
2 star:		(15)
1 star:		(5)

 

 

I am a middle school guidance counselor and this is the best, most honest look at the world of our children I have ever read. Not only is it a VERY accurate portrayal of what "girl world" is all about, but Ms. Wiseman offers parents practical advice on how to handle delicate situations. I have purchased a couple of copies and have lent all of them out to parents who come to my office seeking help and advice. Readers who think this book is over the top are in denial. This book truly tells it like it is -- I witness this everyday at work and as a parent of two teenagers.

This is a truly remarkable book, extremely well-organized, inspirational, and full of real practical advice. Wiseman first details the different social roles girls play in adolescent 'societey' - what she calls "Girl World" - such as the Queen Bee, the Banker, the Target. Then she describes the different kind of social dilemmas these roles can cause. But - most importantly -she tells readers (presumably parents) WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.

This is not just proscriptive advice, although there is a lot of that too (e.g., "how to tell if she's had a party while you were away"). One thing that really impressed me about Wiseman's approach is that she gives parents an entire way of approaching problems that they can share with their daughters.

In other words, she doesn't tell you what your rules should be (she leaves that to YOU, thank goodness), but she does tell you how to get your daughter to think about why you as a parent have created them and your family's values should mean to her.

A second thing that really impressed me about this book is that it is wholly non-judgmental: it does not divide girls into Good and Bad/Mean. If your daughter is a Queen Bee, Wiseman knows she has problems too, and she helps you figure out how to solve them.

For more conservative parents, it's worth mentioning that this non-judgmental approach extends to issues of sexual orientation, including homophobia and same-sex attraction. Other reviewers have been rather upset by this, but keep the problem in perspective: out of 288 pages, I counted 4-5 that discussed homophobia in boys and another 4-5 around issues of same-sex attraction. That doesn't seem out-of-proportion in a 200+ page book if something like 5-10% of our daughters are gay. Wiseman's opinion on the subject is clear, but fundamentally she is arguing in favor of parents' right --and NEED--to communicate their own family values to their daughters.

My daughter is only 3, but I can already see the social structure that girls impose on each other -- when she comes home saying "So-and-so says she is not my friend anymore." I am very grateful to Wiseman for giving me a headstart toward providing her with a healthy adolescence.

I am in my 20's, and a graduate of an Ivy League college. I state this fact hoping to give some validity to my opinion. I read this book when I was 20, and I cried at least twice during each chapter of "Queen Bees". Although in high school I hung with a non-conformist/alternative crowd, we were not immune to the petty fights and backstabbing that Wiseman attributes to typical teenage girl behavior. No matter how independent your daughter, she will be either the victim or perpetrator of such behavior. I know,this may shock you...but even your well-behaved, beautiful, intelligent, honor student is very mean, and she has (or will) engage in the cruel and vicious behavior Wiseman discusses in her book. It's NOT because you're bad parents, but as Wiseman says in her book, it's kill or be killed out there in "girl world". It's hard to imagine how cruel teenage girls can be, but there is no exaggeration in this book, I promise you. Even if all your daughter's friends seem lovely and mature, there is still a power struggle within the group, and your daughter may be stuck in the middle.

Please understand that this book IS what life is like for your teenage daughters. She is not the exception. Wiseman outlines various personality types of teenage girls, and even if your daughter is the diplomatic, friendly, and generous type, not all those around her are the same. You need to understand the world she lives in to understand anything about her. I wish my parents had read this book. Though they did a great job raising me, they could have saved all of us the emotional turmoil of those years.

Rosalind Wiseman did one fantastic job to help parents understand, relate, speak to and deal with the difficulties that arise with daughters, particularly during the teen and young adult years. This book brings you fantastic suggestions on healthy communication, breaking down barriers, how to relate to your daughter, how to discuss sexual preferences, as well as pivotal information for parents to remember what their lives were like at the age their daughter is now, and how to "check your own baggage" so you can grow beyond judgment and criticism, and move into a healthy, loving, compassionate relationship with your daughter.

No matter what your daughter is going through, there is phenomenal insight in this book that will only help to enhance your relationship with her, and help her to gain the highest self-esteem, so she can be who she authentically is, rather than seek to "follow" the crowd. You will be far better equipped to help your daughter navigate through the challenges she faces, and her perceptions, doubts, and uncertainties during this period of her life by reading this book.

Also provides are wonderful suggested movies, great websites and organizations, suggested reading, and valuable resources.

A Fantastic Read that Deserves 10 Stars!
Barbara Rose, author of "Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE" and 'If God Was Like Man'
Editor of inspire! magazine

I am a high school student. I decided to borrow this book from a friend after watching Mean Girls because this is the book the movie is based on. I thought it was mostly accurate except for the stuff about popular girls. I thought that some parts of the book were confusing and hard to follow. But I wish my mom would read this because it would help her understand my life more. I figured I would just comment on this to help moms who are seeking to understand their daughter's lives and who are considering purchasing this.

I am a 12 year old girl, and I found this book to be very helpful. I thought this book was very accurate about social situations. The only problem was the girls roles in cliques. I thought the roles were right, except that many people are a combination of two or more roles. For example I have a friend that is a combination of a Floater and a Queen Bee. I also thought that the book was too sympathetic to targets. We have three targets in our class. One is a target because she bullies and physically hurts people, one is a target because she likes to pick fights with everyone, and the third is a target because he is rude and condecsending to people.

The boys in our grade are similar to the ones described in the book. Many of them like to taunt each other and call other boys 'gay' on a daily basis. However, I disagree with Wiseman, and think that the reason they call each other 'gay' is not because they are homophobic, but because it is the best insult they can think of. (Really, I am not a man-hater. I like the boys, I just think some of the stuff they do is weird. I know they think stuff girls do is weird.)

I noticed that many of the people who wrote bad reviews were parents that could not accept that their children might choose their friends over them. They couldn't understand that just because a girl separates from her parents, that doesn't mean she's obnoxious.

I thought the girls comments were useful and sounded honest.

Despite a few small flaws, overall this was a great book.

Though I am not a mother trying to learn how to deal with my daughter. I am a daughter learning how to cope with my problems with other girls. Every one of my friends is jealous of me, and they would do anything to get me in trouble. Well, I was about half way through with the book and my friends all played a cruel joke. After I remembered what the book told me do to while dealing with a situation like this, I got through it. So, really I don't think this book should just be read by the parents, I think the daughters should read it too. Besides, problems could pop up at school and the girls wouldn't be able to get their parents help. If they read Queen Bees and Wannabees they would know exactly how to handle it.

I think we could all agree that early adolesence is fraught with minefields, and that girls can be very mean - as can women. My problem with this book isn't the serious issues Wiseman raises, although there is nothing new nor "under the radar" about this - where has she been?; every parent in America already know about cliques and the power that girl's social structure can wield and the scars they can leave - but it is Wiseman's oft times glib commentaries and shallow interpretation that offends me; much like the black and white way of seeing things that she so insightfully "warns" us about in girl world , so too she has this tendancy to frame things in either/or, this or that terms. Overall, Wiseman lacks depth - unlike Rachel Simmons author of "Odd Girl Out" which is a far more insightful, well written and meaningful book. While her "Check your Baggage" section is a good reminder and offers some useful perspectives, just as another reviewer said, it makes it sound like you should toss out your deeply held beliefs, morals and hard earned wisdom and just get hip. Yet some of the best self esteem advice one can give to girls is old fashioned grandma wisdom handed down from generation to generation with a tweak or two for contemporary life. In my own experience working with girls this age and having one of my own, good old fashioned honesty and authenticity - the straight scoop - is what works best and alwasy seems to open the door for genuine and sometimes hilarious communication. In the end, Wiseman deserves credit for bringing attention to these issues, but she needs to grow up, deepen herself or maybe have a child of her own before telling us parents "how it is," which baggage to check, and shower us with her great revelations. Which also leaves me wondering: where was her editor in all this?

Finally! A book with practical information to actually HELP a teenage girl navigate the treacherous waters of adolecence. This book has advice wth actions for girls to take in common negative situations, plus special advice for parents on how to help.

Wiseman is a positive force for girls (and their parents) everywhere. I saw her on Oprah and wish she had her own TV show to help out even more girls.

I've bought copies for all my friends with daughters - even the ones too young to need this book - yet!

This reads like a chess manual for social interactions (or more accurately dysfunctional interactions) of teenage females with their peers. The goal of this book is to give parents insight into why certain situations occur and how to help their daughters address them. Politics are part of any social interaction but the compilation of scenarios in this book are complex and vicious. While informative, the book takes a reactive stance. Just how do girls get entangled in these webs in the first place? How do parents raise a girl to have enough sense of self worth to let ugliness roll off or stand up for whatever is right? This book is truly a huge inspiration to read books about child development, self esteem and socialization. These books in turn teach skills to help a child take control in a positive manner as opposed to being a pawn who takes the role of aggressor, accomplice or attacked.