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Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World Paperback – October 13, 2009


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Frequently Bought Together

Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World + Masterminds and Wingmen: Helping Our Boys Cope with Schoolyard Power, Locker-Room Tests, Girlfriends, and the New Rules of Boy World + Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads: Dealing with the Difficult Parents in Your Child's Life
Price for all three: $38.66

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 448 pages
  • Publisher: Harmony; 2 Original edition (October 13, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0307454444
  • ISBN-13: 978-0307454447
  • Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.2 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (75 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,234 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

“Wise, humorous, life-affirming advice for parents that is utterly respectful of girls. I recommend parents mark it up, turn the corners of pages, and heed Wiseman’s creative and practical strategies for guiding girls along the sometimes treacherous pathways of growing up today. Queen Bees and Wannabes is Mapquest for parents of girls, from fifth grade all the way to young adulthood.”—Patricia Hersch, author of A Tribe Apart: A Journey into the Heart of American Adolescence

“Who’s in? Who’s out? Who’s cool? Who’s not? Why is one girl elevated to royal status and another shunned? Queen Bees and Wannabes answers these unfathomable questions and so many more. Wiseman gives parents the insight, compassion, and skill needed to guide girls through the rocky terrain of the adolescent social world. This is such an honest and helpful book; we recommend it highly.” —Nina Shandler, author of Ophelia’s Mom and Sara Shandler, author of the bestselling Ophelia Speaks

“Laced with humor, insight, and practical suggestions, Queen Bees and Wannabes is the one volume that’s been missing from the growing shelf of girl-centered publications. Wiseman explains the inner workings of teen culture and teaches parents, educators, and peers how to respond.”—Whitney Ransome and Meg Miln Moulton, executive directors, National Coalition of Girls’ Schools

“Wiseman cuts through wishful parental thinking with a wonderful mixture of humor, facts, girls’ voices, and a healthy dollop of reality. No, the harm cliques cause is not a natural fact of life. Wiseman gives us both hope and strategies to help our girls (and boys) build a more healthy, nurturing world for themselves.”—Joe Kelly, author, Dads and Daughters: How to Inspire, Understand and Support Your Daughter When She's Growing Up So Fast, executive director, Dads and Daughters

“Rosalind Wiseman invites us into the “Girl World” with insight, honesty, and humor. Based on the most thorough, helpful research I know of, this book should be required reading for parents, teachers, and health professionals.” —Edes P. Gilbert, acting president, Independent Educational Services


From the Hardcover edition.

About the Author

ROSALIND WISEMAN is an internationally recognized expert on children, teens, parenting, bullying, social justice, and ethical leadership.

Wiseman is the author of Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence (Crown, 2002). Twice a New York Times Bestseller, Queen Bees & Wannabes was the basis for the 2004 movie Mean Girls. In fall 2009, an updated edition of Queen Bees & Wannabes will be republished with a chapter on younger girls, insights on how technology has impacted kids’ social landscapes, and new commentary from girls and boys. Her follow‐up book Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads was released in 2006, and she is a monthly columnist for Family Circle magazine.

Additional publications include the Owning Up Curriculum, a comprehensive social justice program for grades 6‐12, and a forthcoming young adult novel, Boys, Girls, and Other Hazardous Materials, in stores in January 2010.

Since founding the Empower Program, a national violence‐prevention program, in 1992, Wiseman has gone on to work with tens of thousands of students, educators, parents, counselors, coaches, and administrators to create communities based on the belief that each person has a responsibility to treat themselves and others with dignity. Audiences have included the American School Counselors Association, Capital One, National Education Association, Girl Scouts, Neutrogena, Young Presidents Association, Independent School Associations and the International Chiefs of Police, as well as countless schools throughout the U.S. and abroad.

National media regularly depends on Wiseman as the expert on ethical leadership, media literacy, bullying prevention, and school violence. She is a frequent guest on the Today Show and been profiled in The New York Times, People, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post, USA Today, Oprah, Nightline, CNN, Good Morning America, and National Public Radio affiliates throughout the country.

Wiseman holds a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science from Occidental College. She lives in Washington D.C. with her husband and two sons.

More About the Author

Rosalind Wiseman has had only one job since graduating from college--to help communities shift the way we think about children and teens' emotional and physical wellbeing. As a teacher, thought leader, author, and media spokesperson on bullying, ethical leadership, the use of social media, and media literacy, she is in constant dialogue and collaboration with educators, parents, children, and teens.

She is the author of Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World--the groundbreaking, best-selling book that was the basis for the movie Mean Girls. Her latest books, Masterminds & Wingmen: Helping Our Boys Cope with Schoolyard Power, Locker-Room Tests, Girlfriends, and the New Rules of Boy World was published in September 2013. In addition, she wrote a free companion e-book for high school boys, entitled The Guide: Managing Douchebags, Recruiting Wingmen, and Attracting Who You Want and a school edition entitled, The Guide: Managing Jerks, Recruiting Wingmen, and Attracting Who You Want

Wiseman's other publications include Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads, that address the social hierarchies and conflicts among parents, and the young adult novel Boys, Girls & Other Hazardous Materials. She is the author of the Owning Up Curriculum, a comprehensive social justice program for grades 6-12. She also writes the monthly "Ask Rosalind" column inFamily Circle magazine, and is a regular contributor to several blogs and websites.

Each year Wiseman works with tens of thousands of students, educators, parents, counselors, coaches, and administrators to create communities based on the belief that each person has a responsibility to treat themselves and others with dignity. She was one of the principal speakers at the White House Summit on Bullying. Other audiences have included the American School Counselors Association, International Chiefs of Police, American Association of School Administrators, and countless schools throughout the US and abroad. She is a consultant for Cartoon Network's Speak Up, Stop Bullying Campaign and an advisor to the US Department of Health and Human Services' Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration.

National media regularly depends on Wiseman. She is a consultant for Cartoon Network's Speak Up, Stop Bullying Campaign and has been profiled in The New York Times, People, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, The Washington Post, and USA Today. Wiseman is a frequent guest on The Today Show, Anderson Cooper 360, CNN, Good Morning America, Al Jazeera, and NPR affiliates throughout the country. A sought-after speaker, Wiseman's presentations transcend cultural and economic boundaries in her appeal to ensure children's and teenagers' well being. Her engaging and forthright delivery promises to capture audiences and inspire them to build positive relationships among each other.

Customer Reviews

My wife read this book and found it to be amazing.
Kevin A. McGrail
And what our parents tell us, even when we don't appear to be listening, can really impact our lives.
Angela Risner
This book has been a great help to me and my daughter.
perrymasonary

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

247 of 254 people found the following review helpful By Groovy Vegan VINE VOICE on January 30, 2010
Format: Paperback
Two paragraphs of disclosure will make my review more meaningful. I was a happy, well-adjusted 5th and 6th grader. New to my elementary school in the 5th grade, I quickly and easily found a best friend + nice group of friends. Then the following year in junior high, two "queen bees" came along and decided they wanted the same group of friends, best friend and all--without me in it. They invited the other girls to a sleepover party right in front of me, and suddenly I was friendless. Devastated, I came home that day sobbing, to parents who had no idea what to do except to send me to a psychiatrist, which did no good at all.

My "lunch tray moments" consisted of going from table to table, trying to sit down, and kids telling me I wasn't welcome to sit with them, and then eating by myself in the detention room, the only place that would have me. My "gym class moments" consisted of being the girl left over when the last team captain chose the second-to-last girl, and then the other team captain declaring she never picked me and that I was not on her team. I adapted first making friends with the neighborhood dogs who all accepted me with love and dignity, and then by getting involved with out-of-school activities and making lots of friends outside of school. By 10th grade, I had friends at school again.

It is with this background that I read "Queen Bees and Wanna Bees"--the book I wish had been around in the 1970s when I suffered the trauma of being a target. I am appalled that these dynamics continue to this day, and that targets have it WORSE than I did. When I got home, the bullying stopped, and I was free to do my homework, not to be bullied until bright and early the next day. Now the bullying of targets is CONSTANT, via Facebook, email, text message, etc.
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61 of 63 people found the following review helpful By belleTX on October 3, 2012
Format: Paperback
The roles within the clique were interesting, and somewhat accurate, but the book assumes that every girl fits neatly into one of them, when this is often not the case. Some girls are not in the clique, but not a target, either. Others may be friends with multiple groups and play different roles in each one. The teenage social scene is just not as clearcut as the book makes it out to be.

The first issue that I had with this book was with the "quotes" from teenaged girls. I'll just come out and say that I don't buy that they're authentic. Teenage girls don't talk this way. I got the impression that a lot of the quotes were either heavily edited to fit the points Wiseman wanted to make or fabricated altogether.

The next problem I had was with the shockingly bad advice given. Wiseman advises that girls being shut out or bullied should handle the teasing like mature adults by directly addressing it, telling the mean girl it hurts their feelings and they want it to stop, and then "affirming" the teaser and their relationship. Like someone else said, the mean girls would have a field day with this. They'd think it was hilarious and it would just lead to more humiliation for the target. For example, she encourages the target to approach the mean girl and say, "Hi, there's something I really need to talk to you about. Can you meet me during study hall in the library at 11:00?" In her scenario, the mean girl actually agrees, and the target proceeds to have a private meeting where she tells the girl she wants her to stop teasing her, saying things like, "[Teasing] really hurts me. I wanted it stopped. I don't know why you don't like me. I would like us to be civil to each other and respect each other.
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21 of 24 people found the following review helpful By J. Westenhaver on November 11, 2009
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I started reading this book and my only thought was, "holy crap, this kind of stuff cannot really be happening in middle school!" But I sat down my 14-year-old daughter, and sure enough, this book is right on. Which is scary. If you thought middle school was bad before, you can't believe it now.

This book is rather terrifying. But unlike a lot of parenting books (especially those that are more like studies of all the things that are going wrong with kids nowadays), this book has tons of practical help. There are great ideas to help your daughter navigate the shark-infested waters of teenager-hood. (I wish I'd had this book a few years ago when we were enduring a particularly nasty fifth grade year.)

This book will definitely help me to help my three daughters survive and thrive during their pre-teen and teenage years. I have recommended it to everyone I know with daughters. If you buy one book this year, make it this one!
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26 of 32 people found the following review helpful By Raynard Sebastian on April 6, 2011
Format: Paperback
First off, I liked reading this book. It was interesting and made sense. However, on deeper inspection, this is not a research based book. Ms. Wiseman does a service by explaining what goes on with relational aggression, especially within cliques, but her descriptions of various girl "roles" are speculative at best.

I think people who have experienced these types of people in school identify with these roles, and therefore like the book, but it's more confirmation bias rather than a genuine explanation of why girls behave in this way. It creates static categories of girl roles rather than explain the real-life dynamic changes that occur as girls mature and develop. I'm sure we can all identify a "queen bee" right now. But does this categorization help or hurt? Does it allow us to see someone like this in a different light next week or next year?

The section on boyfriends is just plain biased. Again, confirmation bias. If you have a boy crazy girl, then yes, it seems to make sense. But there are plenty of girls who do not have an overwhelming urge to have a boyfriend, and this section is not entirely relevant to them or their parents. Same with cliques, too.

Overall, an interested read, but I would recommend taking it with a grain of salt and not mistaking the concepts here for genuine factual based tenets of how things in "girl world" work.
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