31 of 31 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Working towards a kinder, gentler PTA (and soccer team, and playgroup...), April 4, 2006
At its core, the book calls on us all to maintain a civil discourse when dealing with the other adults in our child's life. I found something relating to my daily life in each chapter. Here are some ideas from Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads that I have already used since I bought the book two weeks ago...
1. Frank descriptions about how parents of different races see each other...
My daughter's school is majority minority. The PTA is majority white. The book has helped me figure out the dynamics of the group and take small steps to get them to consider this as a problem.
2. Remember that all parent s want what is best for their children....
Our school listserv was getting out of hand last week with an argument about how colds were spread (seriously!). I pulled a quote from the book and reminded everyone that we need to assume that fellow parents are coming from a good and positive place regarding their children. If you can imagine how much that other mom loves her child, maybe you can have some empathy for her rather than just react negatively to what she says.
3. Make a plan to make change...
A girl was gossiping about my 1st grader and making her school day miserable. Using the steps in the book I helped my child take necessary action to confront her classmate, then had a very successful conversation with the other mom that resulted in positive change instead of a defensive argument.
4. Look at your own reaction to other parents...
There were several chapters in the book that helped me focus on my own reactions. Like freaking out when someone talks about a program her child is in - maybe it is better than what my kids are signed up for! Or not letting a bragging mom make me feel inferior. We also need to own up to the negative things we do to other parents.
5. Recognize the myth of perfect parent world...
Everyone's life seems perfect until you get to know them. I have several very good friends who seem to live in perfect parent world. Really - no baby goo on their clothes, flat stomachs after 4 kids, perfect hair, perfect house. Intimidating! But once I got to know them, I realized that nobody's life is that perfect. Everyone gets mad at their kids and needs to vent. Everyone has problems, especially parents.
6. Dad's are in it too...
Dads deal with the same things moms do, and are more capable than their wives think. They need to go to PTA meetings and teacher conferences (and not just when there is a problem). They also get involved in the negative perfect parent world stuff too. Half the book is devoted to dads, which is unusual for this type of book.
The book gave me a whole new set of tools for dealing with common parenting conflicts.
I've already ordered my 2nd round of extra copies for friends. One dad friend is half way through it after just a week. He is constantly dealing with the issues in the book while coaching soccer, softball, etc.
(As for the negative comment below, I saw Wiseman speak once and she told stories about her kids. I recall that she has two boys. )
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31 of 32 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Guidance, Understand and Empathy - not to mention a kick in the pants!, March 8, 2006
Rosalind Wiseman delivers wonderfully on the promise of providing greater understanding of the extra-parental adults who wield amazing power in our childrens' unfolding lives. In doing so, she also demands that we tame the Queen Bee or Kingpin lurking within or that, in the absence of these personality traits, gain the confidence and self-regard to step-up in ways that empower ourselves and our kids.
Even better, Ms. Wiseman seems to understand kids as they really are (as opposed to how parents want them to be) and presents the information square on, with the feel of a friend who knows you well enough to tell you the truth unflinchingly. When she mentions that her son's abiding passion - over studying - is his X-Box, we know what she means. When she discusses her desire for her sons to know that "mom will always find out" if they've done something ill-considered, one nods in understanding.
So for every parent who wonders who to guide their kids' relationships - with other kids and adults alike - in positive, healthy, non-meddling, and non-social-death (in the words of a 13 year old I know) ways, I can't think of a better resource. From descriptions of the parental personality types one is likely to encounter at the PTA meeting or fundraiser and how to deal with them to frank suggestions on the it's-good-for-all-of-us need to keep Bat Mitzvah celebrations to reasonably minimums, refrain from writing your kids' college aps and confront a friend who you believe might be taking a parenting misstep while preserving the relationship, Ms. Wiseman covers it all well and thoroughly.
I don't live in Perfect Parent World, do you? And with this book, I feel like I've got a map to find my way around.
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19 of 19 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Humorous, Enlightening, Intelligent --Would Recommend it to Anyone!, April 3, 2006
I just read Rosalind Wiseman's new book, and I was nothing short of thoroughly impressed. I can really think of no genre of literature that gives me a headache quite like parenting self-help books, But I found Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads to be extremely enjoyable, in addition to being an incredibly honest, funny, and effective strategy guide for dealing with a host of situations in my life now that I'm a parent. I was particularly taken aback by "EStark" and her review below, which lambasted Wiseman for not having the credentials to discuss the topic, or even having kids. I would like to point out to Ms. Stark (whose opinion I question because she has not taken the time to validate her own claims) that from very minimal internet research one will find that Rosalind Wiseman has taught kids across the country for 15 years through the non-profit anti-bullying organization she started. She also is married and has two children. In reading the book it couldn't be more clear that she has both done her homework and more than anything is able to do something so few of us are willing to in our social circles, even as grown-ups--to acknowledge that sometimes we treat one another the worst under the guise of playing nice. I would recommend this book to anyone with children. Truly insightful!
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