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Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads: Dealing with the Parents, Teachers, Coaches, and Counselors Who Can Make--or Break--Your Child's Future [Bargain Price] [Hardcover]

Rosalind Wiseman (Author), Elizabeth Rapoport (Author)
3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)


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Book Description

March 7, 2006
What happens to Queen Bees and Wannabes when they grow up?

Even the most well-adjusted moms and dads can experience peer pressure and conflicts with other adults that make them act like they’re back in seventh grade. In Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads, Rosalind Wiseman gives us the tools to handle difficult situations involving teachers and other parents with grace. Reassuring, funny, and unfailingly honest, Wiseman reveals:

• Why PTA meetings and Back-to-School nights tap into parents’ deepest insecurities

• How to recognize the archetypal moms and dads—from Caveman Dad to Hovercraft Mom

• How and when to step in and step out of your child’s conflicts with other children, parents, teachers, or coaches

• How to interpret the code phrases other parents use to avoid (or provoke) confrontation

• Why too many well-meaning dads sit on the sidelines, and how vital it is that they step up to the plate

• What to do and say when the playing field becomes an arena for people to bully and dominate other kids and adults

• How to have respectful yet honest conversations with other parents about sex and drugs when your values are in conflict

• How the way you handle parties, risky behavior, and academic performance affects your child

• How unspoken assumptions about race, religion, and other hot-button subjects sabotage parents’ ability to work together

Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads is filled with the kind of true stories that made Wiseman’s New York Times bestselling book Queen Bees & Wannabes impossible to put down. There are tales of hardworking parents with whom any of us can identify, along with tales of outrageously bad parents—the kind we all have to reckon with. For instance, what do you do when parents donate a large sum of money to a school and their child is promptly transferred into the honors program–while your son with better grades doesn’t make the cut? What about the mother who helps her daughter compose poison-pen e-mails to yours? And what do you say to the parent-coach who screams at your child when the team is losing? Wiseman offers practical advice on avoiding the most common parenting “land mines” and useful scripts to help you navigate difficult but necessary conversations.

Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads is essential reading for parents today. It offers us the tools to become wiser, more relaxed parents–and the inspiration to speak out, act according to our values, show humility, and set the kind of example that will make a real difference in our children’s lives.


Also available as a Random House AudioBook and as an eBook


From the Hardcover edition.
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review


8 Things You'll Learn from Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads

Rosalind Wiseman was gracious enough to give us a sneak peek at the advice found in her new book, and we're kind enough to share. So, if you've ever found yourself in any of the following situations, Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads is the book for you:

1. Your kid, who attends every practice diligently, gets lots of "pine time" on the bench, while other kids who aren't nearly as good get more play time. Should you say anything to the coach?

2. Your daughter fights with her best friend, who shuts her out of the clique. The best friend's Mom says, "I really think the girls should work it out, don't you?"

3. An angry father shouts down the principal at the PTA meeting, saying, "I know I speak for all parents here when I say..." while you disagree completely. Should you speak up?

4. You walk by two women and overhear them saying about a girl nearby, "She looks like such a slut." That's your daughter they're talking about. Should you confront them?

5. Your son goes to a party where there's drinking. When the cops bust up the party, your kid gets suspended too, even though he wasn't drinking. Should you protest?

6. Your daughter doesn't get invited to "the" party of the season, which is being given by one of her good friends. Should you call the other mother?

7. They're putting the squeeze on you to join yet another school committee, but you're already stretched thin with your full-time job. How can you say no?

8. The principal busts your kid for cheating, and now his chances for getting into a good college are ruined. It was a one-time offense, and you think the principal is making too big a deal of the incident. Should you challenge the school to get it expunged from his high school transcript?




--This text refers to an alternate Hardcover edition.

From Publishers Weekly

Starred Review. If Wiseman was bold in her bestselling Queen Bees & Wannabes by telling the truth about entitled girls and their excesses, she's even more daring here. The subject this time is parents, and the phrase "we have met the enemy and he is us" may be a little too true for comfort. As cofounder of the Empower Program, which teaches kids to stop violence, Wiseman works with more than 10,000 children annually; she knows her territory. She explains that she wants to help parents navigate "the unspoken rules of Perfect Parent World" so they can find their own "happy medium between overprotective parenting and frightened passivity." While she's used to seeing through most adolescent subterfuges, she's worked with enough parents to know their evil sides, too—how they curse out school counselors, threaten to sue principals, exclude other parents at meetings and one-up other parents over their kids' college plans. Wiseman wants to show people how to behave better; she even includes sample scripts for difficult situations. Her bottom line: parents have to model good behavior if they want to end up with good kids. And since we all live in the same communities, good kids are in everyone's best interest. (Mar.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an alternate Hardcover edition.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 352 pages
  • Publisher: Crown (March 7, 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1400083001
  • ASIN: B000Y8BDPY
  • Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.3 x 1.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #492,136 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Rosalind Wiseman is an internationally recognized expert on children, teens, parenting, bullying, social justice, and ethical leadership.

Wiseman is the author of Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence (Crown, 2002). Twice a New York Times Bestseller, Queen Bees & Wannabes was the basis for the 2004 movie Mean Girls. In fall 2009, an updated edition of Queen Bees & Wannabes will be republished with a chapter on younger girls, insights on how technology has impacted kids' social landscapes, and new commentary from girls and boys. Her follow???up book Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads was released in 2006, and she is a monthly columnist for Family Circle magazine.

Additional publications include the Owning Up Curriculum, a comprehensive social justice program for grades 6???12, and a forthcoming young adult novel, Boys, Girls, and Other Hazardous Materials, in stores in January 2010.

Since founding the Empower Program, a national violence???prevention program, in 1992, Wiseman has gone on to work with tens of thousands of students, educators, parents, counselors, coaches, and administrators to create communities based on the belief that each person has a responsibility to treat themselves and others with dignity. Audiences have included the American School Counselors Association, Capital One, National Education Association, Girl Scouts, Neutrogena, Young Presidents Association, Independent School Associations and the International Chiefs of Police, as well as countless schools throughout the U.S. and abroad.

National media regularly depends on Wiseman as the expert on ethical leadership, media literacy, bullying prevention, and school violence. She is a frequent guest on the Today Show and been profiled in The New York Times, People, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post, USA Today, Oprah, Nightline, CNN, Good Morning America, and National Public Radio affiliates throughout the country.

Wiseman holds a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science from Occidental College. She lives in Washington D.C. with her husband and two sons.

For more information visit rosalindwiseman.com.



 

Customer Reviews

17 Reviews
5 star:
 (9)
4 star:
 (3)
3 star:
 (2)
2 star:
 (1)
1 star:
 (2)
 
 
 
 
 
Average Customer Review
3.9 out of 5 stars (17 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

31 of 31 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Working towards a kinder, gentler PTA (and soccer team, and playgroup...), April 4, 2006
By 
At its core, the book calls on us all to maintain a civil discourse when dealing with the other adults in our child's life. I found something relating to my daily life in each chapter. Here are some ideas from Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads that I have already used since I bought the book two weeks ago...

1. Frank descriptions about how parents of different races see each other...

My daughter's school is majority minority. The PTA is majority white. The book has helped me figure out the dynamics of the group and take small steps to get them to consider this as a problem.

2. Remember that all parent s want what is best for their children....

Our school listserv was getting out of hand last week with an argument about how colds were spread (seriously!). I pulled a quote from the book and reminded everyone that we need to assume that fellow parents are coming from a good and positive place regarding their children. If you can imagine how much that other mom loves her child, maybe you can have some empathy for her rather than just react negatively to what she says.

3. Make a plan to make change...

A girl was gossiping about my 1st grader and making her school day miserable. Using the steps in the book I helped my child take necessary action to confront her classmate, then had a very successful conversation with the other mom that resulted in positive change instead of a defensive argument.

4. Look at your own reaction to other parents...

There were several chapters in the book that helped me focus on my own reactions. Like freaking out when someone talks about a program her child is in - maybe it is better than what my kids are signed up for! Or not letting a bragging mom make me feel inferior. We also need to own up to the negative things we do to other parents.

5. Recognize the myth of perfect parent world...

Everyone's life seems perfect until you get to know them. I have several very good friends who seem to live in perfect parent world. Really - no baby goo on their clothes, flat stomachs after 4 kids, perfect hair, perfect house. Intimidating! But once I got to know them, I realized that nobody's life is that perfect. Everyone gets mad at their kids and needs to vent. Everyone has problems, especially parents.

6. Dad's are in it too...

Dads deal with the same things moms do, and are more capable than their wives think. They need to go to PTA meetings and teacher conferences (and not just when there is a problem). They also get involved in the negative perfect parent world stuff too. Half the book is devoted to dads, which is unusual for this type of book.

The book gave me a whole new set of tools for dealing with common parenting conflicts.

I've already ordered my 2nd round of extra copies for friends. One dad friend is half way through it after just a week. He is constantly dealing with the issues in the book while coaching soccer, softball, etc.

(As for the negative comment below, I saw Wiseman speak once and she told stories about her kids. I recall that she has two boys. )
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31 of 32 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars Guidance, Understand and Empathy - not to mention a kick in the pants!, March 8, 2006
By 
Marsha Wood Wirtel (Philly's Western 'Burbs) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
Rosalind Wiseman delivers wonderfully on the promise of providing greater understanding of the extra-parental adults who wield amazing power in our childrens' unfolding lives. In doing so, she also demands that we tame the Queen Bee or Kingpin lurking within or that, in the absence of these personality traits, gain the confidence and self-regard to step-up in ways that empower ourselves and our kids.

Even better, Ms. Wiseman seems to understand kids as they really are (as opposed to how parents want them to be) and presents the information square on, with the feel of a friend who knows you well enough to tell you the truth unflinchingly. When she mentions that her son's abiding passion - over studying - is his X-Box, we know what she means. When she discusses her desire for her sons to know that "mom will always find out" if they've done something ill-considered, one nods in understanding.

So for every parent who wonders who to guide their kids' relationships - with other kids and adults alike - in positive, healthy, non-meddling, and non-social-death (in the words of a 13 year old I know) ways, I can't think of a better resource. From descriptions of the parental personality types one is likely to encounter at the PTA meeting or fundraiser and how to deal with them to frank suggestions on the it's-good-for-all-of-us need to keep Bat Mitzvah celebrations to reasonably minimums, refrain from writing your kids' college aps and confront a friend who you believe might be taking a parenting misstep while preserving the relationship, Ms. Wiseman covers it all well and thoroughly.

I don't live in Perfect Parent World, do you? And with this book, I feel like I've got a map to find my way around.
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19 of 19 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Humorous, Enlightening, Intelligent --Would Recommend it to Anyone!, April 3, 2006
I just read Rosalind Wiseman's new book, and I was nothing short of thoroughly impressed. I can really think of no genre of literature that gives me a headache quite like parenting self-help books, But I found Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads to be extremely enjoyable, in addition to being an incredibly honest, funny, and effective strategy guide for dealing with a host of situations in my life now that I'm a parent. I was particularly taken aback by "EStark" and her review below, which lambasted Wiseman for not having the credentials to discuss the topic, or even having kids. I would like to point out to Ms. Stark (whose opinion I question because she has not taken the time to validate her own claims) that from very minimal internet research one will find that Rosalind Wiseman has taught kids across the country for 15 years through the non-profit anti-bullying organization she started. She also is married and has two children. In reading the book it couldn't be more clear that she has both done her homework and more than anything is able to do something so few of us are willing to in our social circles, even as grown-ups--to acknowledge that sometimes we treat one another the worst under the guise of playing nice. I would recommend this book to anyone with children. Truly insightful!
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