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The Queen of My Self: Stepping Into Sovereignty in Midlife

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Are you around 50 or so and feeling the urge to purge? Do you have a burning desire to make changes in your life--becoming more creative while you focus on yourself for a change? Donna Henes's book "The Queen of Myself" blows the triple goddess out of the water and creates a new paradigm of selfhood. Like the four seasons and the four phases of the moon, Donna introduces the four stages of womanhood--Maiden, Mother, Queen and Crone. "The Queen of Myself" incorporates the personal with the mythological to create a new concept for women and aid women in midlife. Pick up the book and explore what it means to be "Queen".

Maiden. Mother. Crone.

For centuries, women fell into three, well-defined categories, following the hormonal curve from first menses through menopause and straight on 'til death.

Times have changed, and our need to redefine womanhood seems to be following. No longer do post-menopausal women instantly enter 'cronehood' with its stooped and wizened imagery.

In fact, enlightened and powerful women in mid-years often begin new lives with a sense of freedom, following changes in family and lifestyle.

They become, author Donna Henes says, The Queen of My Self.

Subtitled Stepping into Sovereignty of Midlife, this 2005 release begins by delicately weaving a convincing fabric of wisdom and logic, describing the ancient archetypes and why they no longer apply. Everything here we already know to be true, whether we are Queens or members of her court.

A noted urban shaman and ceremonialist, Henes presents evidence showing the sacred nature of the number four, and how it relates to aspects of Queen: Consolation - caring for yourself, Contemplation - noting the process, Seclusion - being alone with your feelings and Creation - harnessing the power inside.

Embedded in the advice about each stage is the central message of Henes' work: That women must honor this sacred time of our lives in a way women before us could not.

The Queen of My Self is an entertaining and inspirational read, thanks to Henes' engaging voice and soft humor. And most women approaching their mid-life years should find themselves in its pages.

You may already be implementing Henes' suggestions and ideas, without having a hook to hang them on. You may be unaware, locked into traditional archetypes and afraid of what you imagine your future will be.

The Queen of My Self will touch you, either way.

This book made me excited about turning 50! Great inspirational advice, interesting historical perspective, and a lot of practical suggestions for stepping into your full power in the prime of your life. Henes writes in a down-to-earth voice, with a sense of humor. Nothing stuffy or "head in the clouds" about this book. If you take it to heart, and do some of the activities on the "Queen Pages", you will feel like you are well on your way to becoming your best self!

There are chapters in our lives for which we're simply unprepared. Entering middle age is one of them. Donna Henes's wonderful new book, "The Queen of My Self"--the terrific title is an appetizer of what's to come--articulates a new model for the middle passage, one in which we're urged to cast aside cultural stereotypes and claim our personal (and collective) power. This is no easy feat and, make no mistake, Henes's is not a self-help volume. She explains why "stepping into sovereignty"--becoming a queen of one self--doesn't happen automatically. Reformulating our own ideas of what it means to be a woman of a certain age is an integral part of this challenging process. If my experience is any indication, reading this book will profoundly change your life.

Donna Henes states that she has thirty years experience as an "urban shaman and contemporary ceremonialist." She says that she was a "proud member of the pioneering Sixties Generation." When she found herself lacking in role models to mentor her through middle age, Henes chose to use her own leadership abilities. She developed "The Queen" image for herself and her cohorts. In doing so, she created not only a royal attitude, but also a lifestyle guide. Henes has established an enriching experiential "how-to" for stepping into middle age with aplomb.
Henes uses the classic "Queen" as a continuous theme throughout the book. Each of the eight chapters has a heading befitting the regal premise, plus a sub-heading of real world methods toward fulfillment. For example, Chapter 5 is titled "The Queen and I" with a sub-title of "Embracing Her Majesty." The readers are encouraged to "design our own roles and ideals, compose the scripts, and author the sagas of our own futures." The author presents personal experience and case studies of women who have successfully reinvented themselves in middle age; readers can easily relate to these examples.
Each chapter offers multiple suggestions to help readers identify their own wishes and wants. The author has a way-with-words in taking a topic to the top with lists, affirmations, alliteration, quotes, clues, metaphors, similes and analogies. If one style of story telling is not suitable for a specific reader, another style for the same subject is sure to meet the reader's needs. Henes even uses her own poetry to get the point of self-improvement across to the reader. The result is a book that is well-crafted, engaging, and entertaining.
Henes also gives the readers practical applications within the context of The Queen. With all that the author offers, Queen of My Self is a gift that keeps on giving. Ladies, put on your gem-studded tiaras! You are in for a great read from a thoughtful and thought-provoking author who is for and about a well-lived middle-aged life.
review by Lynn C. Tolson

The author's idea for women about aging will inspire you to find your own ideas--and your own way of taking control of your life and destiny.

Welcome to my life--and the millions of mid-life, post-menopausal women living life strong and loud. This time of life is a mixture of new things, exciting and thrilling--and troubling and frightening things--all tied up in the radical changes called midlife.

The Crone is the ancient one, the wise one, the all-knowing, all-giving one who dispenses her knowledge with patience and largesse. Without the role model, we have to invent one for ourselves.

"The old woman I shall become will be quite different from the women I am now. Another I is becoming, and so far I have not had to complain of her." --George Sand, French writer (1804-1876). An FYI, George Sand was French romantic woman writer using a man's name. She was known for her numerous love affairs with such prominent
figures.

The author explains that many women are having Croning ceremonies to celebrate the end of their childbearing years. A recent Gallop Poll of women 50 to 65 revealed that: 51% felt the happiest now than ever before; 10% felt their happiest time was in their 20s; 17% in their 30s; and 15% in their 40s. Hmmm, most of us are happiest since we lost what society seems to value most: sexual allure and childbearing capabilities.

Many Baby Boomers didn't marry well into their 30s, much different that the generation before them. Then came love, marriage and motherhood, a change from being a maiden.

At 50 or 60, today's woman is not retiring, is not old, but is looking forward to living the golden years to the hilt. Today she is powerful and just coming into her prime.

Armchair Interviews says: This book tells us to grow every day well into your Crone time. "Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told, 'I'm with you kid. Let's go'"--Maya Angelo,
American poet (1928-___). Talk about a woman, now an established Crone, who will be well known for what she did between the 1928 and the final date

The passage into midlife can be a harrowing one, but thanks to Donna Henes' brilliant new book, I am ready to dive right in! This book is instructive, inspirational, and wise. Henes is a very gentle and funny teacher. She lets us know that if we follow our purpose, our power, and our passion, we are primed to live life to the fullest with the very best years ahead of us. She gives us confidence that we can create the life that we desire for ourselves and that we can be the woman who we have always wanted to be. I am the Queen of my own destiny thanks to the encouragement I found in the pages of The Queen of My Self. Brava to Queen Donna!!!

As the founder of Women of Intentions:Ordinary Women Making an Extraordinary Difference and Vicki Fox Productions, my mission for the last six years has been empowering myself and other women. As our culture and society has changed, entering our middle years has been relatively uncharted territory. God bless Donna Henes and her powerful book.

Telling her life story, she has written that middle age is a profound time of loss -- experiencing the loss of our youthful beauty, our parents, our children becoming adults, losing our spouses through divorce or death. Yet despite this time of "letting go" she informs and reminds us that most women report never being happier. What a breath of fresh air for those of us at the beginning of the journey.

I recommend this book to all women. Donna relates personal experiences and gives us exercises to get in touch with how to live the second half of our lives with "moxie, meaning and magic."

I am 50 something, and eagerly looked forward to this book. Initially I was disappointed. It seems to get off to a slow and self aggrandizing start on the part of the author. Also, as a book written for women in middle age, the color and size of the font is perplexing - especially the script used for the poems scattered liberally throughout. I frequently would have to take off my glasses (that already have a bifocal) and hold the book up to my face to be able to read them. However, I stuck it out and was well rewarded. She speaks to us middle-age women in a new, open and refreshing way. Her suggestions for claiming our "queenhood" are insightful, fun and expanding. It is a fresh start for us facing all the changes - physical, emotional and mental - that we encounter as we enter this phase of our lives. Well worth the price of admission!

I looked forward to my 50th birthday with more joy and anticipation than any other birthday in my adult life. There was just one problem: Traditionally, women have identified age 50 and menopause as the time when they segue from Mother to Crone. But I didn't feel like a Crone! I still loved to hike in the woods, ride my bicycle, play with paints and clay and toys.

Then I met Donna Henes and read her book, "Queen of Myself." It was one of those rare, "Aha" moments for me. Here, at last, was a woman who understood the old archetypes were outdated; that menopausal women in this millennium are still vibrant and full of life. Smart, yes; wise, well....maybe in another few years.

Henes explains how the idea of the three stages of a woman's life--Maiden, Mother, Crone--are not, as often thought, the faces of the triple goddess. Rather, they are the creation of a man, a man who clearly feared the strength, power, and bohemian spirit so prevalent in today's midlife woman.

She offers lots of fun and fanciful ways to celebrate Queendom, from rebirthing and coronation ceremonies to personal affirmations and chants. And she doesn't do this from an impersonal distance. Henes bares her soul, talking about her own path to Queendom, writing in such an intimate manner the reader feels like the book is a personal letter from the author to her, and her alone.

Read this book. Give this book to every woman you know who is a Queen, or is approaching Queendom. Then, pour yourself a delicious bubble bath, a glass of wine or cup of soothing tea, put a crown on your head--one you've made yourself, of course--slip into the tub, and sing, "Hail to the Queen!"

You deserve it.