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The Highlight? A John Stamos Joke. Really.
on April 16, 2008
This may well be the most un-entertaining film I have ever seen, and it is certainly among the very worst. Low budget does not even begin to describe this project; it makes the early Mogadore, Ohio films featured in the "Bad Movie Police" series seem Oscar-worthy in comparison.
The plot is intended as a parody of fantasy movies, which could easily be a vein of pure satirical gold, but here is more akin to plutonium in that it is cinematically radioactive, and has a half-life of 24,100 years before it may be safe to view. Even then, I wouldn't risk it.
The plot pits orcs and goblins against elves and the protagonists in a melange wherein the Goblin King threatens to cover all of central earth with egg salad. This seemed in part rather derivative of Woody Allen's "What's Up, Tiger Lily?", while the narration device hearkened back to "The Princess Bride", a movie demonstrating that farcical fantasy films can be wondrous, unlike "Quest for the Egg Salad". The acting, dialogue, and direction are terrible, the script is stupid, not satirical, and the characters are grossly unlikable. If you are almost to the end of the film and you think it can't get any worse, stand by for the forest goblin dance, which reminded me of "Can't Stop the Music", only not nearly as good. The best moment really is a line about John Stamos. I only wish that John Stamos had been here, as his presence alone would have improved the quality of this project by several orders of magnitude. Really.
The DVD has some bonus features including cast and fan commentaries (ponder that), and the lamest "making of" and blooper reels ever. How lame you ask? At one point there are actually subtitles advising the audience that the filmmakers are aware how boring the footage is, and telling the hapless viewer that it gets better. It doesn't. Here's a little film school tip: if it's boring and irrelevant, edit it.
I have rarely had a more disagreeable viewing experience that watching "Quest for the Egg Salad". Far from being entertaining satire, it was just plain awful.