In the New Earth it says only the ego gets mad. It is the only one that will want to defend itself. So my question is, how am I trying to prove someone wrong because someone told me I can't have a girlfriend, and then it just gained momentum for everything else. So its just getting heavier every time. What I don't understand is just that, am I trying to prove him wrong does anybody see why? Thing left is I can't have...then it forces me to re want again. See the logic?
Accept that you DON'T have a girlfriend in this moment, giggle at the voice in your head that is telling you that you're lame for not having a girlfriend in this moment, and let yourself just feel however you feel about it. Stop projecting an image of some future happy you that has a girlfriend - there is no way you can know if that will truly make you happy, it's something your ego is making up to keep drama in your life. Tell yourself that you are perfectly ok just the way you are right now. Because unless you are currently trapped under something heavy, if you get into the moment, you'll find that you are ok!
Yes, that's something you really need to accept. I appreciate it. Due to the nature of the comment though my mind wants to get a girlfriend so it can say I "Can" and shut the voice up of the person thats telling me you don't want because you can't have one. It's not about love or attraction anymore. Its about a stupid comment this guy made and I'm listening to. How insane is that, I won't physically change its just mental, very?What a duality can't and can. Would you just ignore that voice?
N Sanchez... It's not what the guy said...it may be that someone said something in the past that was similar & it triggered you. It's usually THIS whenever we get triggered & obsessed with what somebody said. It also happens if we're afraid they are right, and we're wrong. Even then, it's not so much about being wrong...but feeling shame, guilt, etc. Pain body stuff! PS Tolle said to just observe yourself whenever this happens. Don't resist, or encourage it...just watch it. THIS does work if you practice it while meditating or quietly watching your thoughts. Peace :)
Ah thank you for your reply. yes this has been here for quite some time now, and I checked some other recourses such as the work, which I can still relate and answer to this right now. God Lover, you are totally right on that, its not what the guy said. I'll put this quote here "Our interpretations of what we hear people say to us are often far more painful or frightening than what people actually say. We can hurt ourselves with our misconceptions and our thinking for others." - Byron Katie So yeah it was my intrepretation of what he said that caused damage. Such of those thoughts were "He always thinks things through" "He is always right" " He is seeing a different face" And one big one was"He insulted me" And when I came to question these toughts I came to realize they weren't true. There I was me, the one who I had thought could have a girlfriend, and there was the person saying you can't have a girlfriend. From there I had thoughts. What really happened was I insulted myself. I belived that I was someone else than what I really was, and I put his opinion in first place, and that is pretty insulting. The reality of things were he was just saying words, harmless words. There I was breathing, heartbeating, but as soon as I believed what I thought, there came the pain. Its good to realize that when someone says something, and you think it doesn't describe you, its good to think that the only one insulting us is us. There is reality, and imagination. And sometimes we dream.
Oh yeah at god lover, about the past before I thought I couldn't have one before, and I had that clear mental picture of me. Then since he said that I kicked myself for it. So right on the spot. Thanks
You want a girlfriend, like a lamp or chicken sandwich? A girlfriend is not a thing to desire, she is is a person with an agenda all her own. You can want all you want, with or without belief, but until you see a woman as a life without your input, and that she (all shes) can take you or leave you, you will be frustrated to Have" that thing you desire. . You need to live your life, address your own needs, become someone valuable and interesting for yourself, and make yourself available to all the opportunities in your life. If you do you will become an interesting and valuable person for your own reasons, and not just to attract a thing into your orbit to use and toss---or keep forever. If you do interest someone, you will know why, and be happy for it. She will be out there living her own life and intersect with yours at just the right time---or not. Either way, you w ill be the best you, and others will go about being their best or not, and you will not have wasted your time and breath trying to attract someone when you have nothing to offer but "want" and "physical needs."
This is the paradoxical theory of change. When you truly accept where you are. Remind yourself of the advantages of not having a girlfriend and count your blessing, hey, know what happens... one comes along.