14 of 18 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
Questions, Questions, and More Questions, November 15, 2005
This review is from: The Questions to Ask Before You Jump Into Bed (Mass Market Paperback)
Obviously, the phrase "jump into bed" can be interpreted literally but also used in reference to a hasty, often ill-advised decision to become involved with someone else. Presumably Seale means both. If I understand her objective (and I may not), she wants to provide advice to both males and females which will help them to determine whether or not to become involved in an intimate relationship which may or may not include sex.
By now, all of us are well aware of various infectious diseases (e.g. AIDS) and the severe psychological problems associated with them. Most of us have a family member or friend (if not several) who has been divorced. At least some of us personally know a battered spouse and realize that her or (yes) his broken bones and physical bruises heal far more quickly than does the emotional damage. All this suggests that there can be -- and often are-- quite serious consequences to a hasty, ill-advised decision to "jump" deeply into a personal relationship of one kind or another.
In this book, Seale offers what she claims to be a philosophy "contrary to the sexual media messages we receive every day, and it is also a way to interact with others that lets you emotionally engage, present your most authentic self, be grounded, centered, loving, and available to what life brings you, knowing when to engage further and then to extract yourself. And from all of these actions you receive freedom. Freedom to move and to live and to feel without feeling hurt, angry, dejected, or sad." This is essentially how Aristotle defines "the good life."
Seale much prefers long sentences which express broad, sweeping generalities. For example, in the Preface she observes that American singles "came of age at a time when premarital sex was expected and endorsed. At a time when society, our peers, and even our parents have come to expect us to be sexually involved if we're dating." Such statements are representative of her thinking and writing style throughout her book. They express Seale's personal opinions. Fair enough. But they certainly do not state facts, much less universal truths. My guess (only a guess) is that she wrote this book on behalf of her own generation, primarily to advise women in the 14-25 age range.
She comes at her reader with a barrage of questions. (The most important of which were first asked several thousand years ago. For example, "Who am I?") Most of the hundreds of questions are sensible enough but -- at least in my mind -- they raise other questions:
1. Given the abundance of research which indicates that most of the impact of face-to-face communication is based on body language and tone of voice with (at most) only 10-15% based on what is actually said, how reliable are the answers to such questions?
2. Also, if someone is inarticulate (i.e. unable to express what is thought and felt), how to evaluate that person's verbal responses?
3. Finally, many people hear only what they hope for or expect, whatever the response's intended meaning may be. How to overcome mental "filters"? Denial, for example, or viewing disagreement as disapproval, if not rejection?
Seale is obviously a very verbal person. She seems certain that obtaining honest answers to the questions she recommends will be beneficial. I agree while having serious doubts (a) that the person asked (i.e. the prospective "partner") is both willing and able to provide such answers, especially to someone only recently met and (b) that when asking such questions of themselves, most people possess sufficient self-knowledge to do so. Long ago I became convinced that behavior is the most reliable indicator of character. If that process of revelation requires an extended period of close observation, so be it.
What to make of this book? Presumably it will be of benefit to many readers who need help with obtaining insights -- about themselves and others -- that will guide and inform decisions about new relationships. To an extraordinary extent, Seale shares thoughts and feelings about herself and her own relationships. This is an intensely personal book. As indicated earlier, however, I have several reservations about many of her assumptions and several of her conclusions. Her support of them is almost entirely anecdotal and most of it based on her own experiences. Also, I do not share her confidence in conversation-as-interrogation unless conducted by highly trained professionals. Hence the importance, to me at least, of carefully observing patterns of human behavior, including one's own.
Seale has shared her own opinions and now I have shared mine. How other readers rate her book is, of course, for them to determine.
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Jump Into This Book, December 11, 2005
This review is from: The Questions to Ask Before You Jump Into Bed (Mass Market Paperback)
If you are a human being, BUY THIS BOOK. Ms. Seale writes with profound knowledge about a subject we must all master if we are to find the right mate and a fulfilling relationship. The insight Ms. Seale provides is born of experience and thorough research (plus a dash of yoga/Eastern discipline with the help of her friend Susan - see the dedication page). We are led gently through the "10 Questions," learning as we go about ourselves and that is the author's main point: We must know ourselves well, the good and the bad, before we can know others and most definitely before we choose a long-term mate. No matter what your age, whether you are dating, starting what may be a long relationship or wondering how to know for sure when the right person for you comes along, reading this book will guide you and help you.
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Amusing, Perceptive and Thought Provoking questions to ask your Prospective Partner, November 15, 2005
This review is from: The Questions to Ask Before You Jump Into Bed (Mass Market Paperback)
I was drawn to this book because of the hundreds, perhaps thousands of great questions to ask my significant other. I stayed to read the perceptive comments by this author in between the questions too. Pop psychology it may be, but all in good fun and with serious enough and well thought out questions to keep any conversation going for hours on end. And I am pretty sure that you will learn a great deal about you and the person you want to go out with, or are going out with. This isn't a "pick up" guide, with lines -- but rather conversation starters that if asked and answered in earnest will reveal enough of one's personality to be thought provoking. You will have to take it from there. Enjoy.
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