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In Quiet Desperation: Understanding The Challenge Of Same-gender Attraction Paperback – November, 2004


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In Quiet Desperation: Understanding The Challenge Of Same-gender Attraction + Voices of Hope: Latter-Day Saint Perspectives on Same Gender Attraction- An Anthology of Gospel Teachings and Personal Essays + No More Goodbyes: Circling the Wagons Around Our Gay Loved Ones
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Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

In Quiet Desperation Understand more clearly one of the most difficult and perplexing challenges of our time – same-gender attraction.

Most likely, someone you know is living a life of quiet desperation, struggling with feelings of same-gender attraction. This book can help.

Part 1 takes us into the heart and mind of a mother and father who did all they knew how to assist their son to bear this heavy burden and face life in the best way he could. "If all youth knew they were loved and accepted, there would be fewer suicides and fewer children lost to the gospel of our Savior."

Part 2 shares the reflections of another young man who wrestles with same-gender attraction but who moves forward with hope. "The Lord promised that he would deliver us, but He didn’t say when. He never promised that it would happen by Monday; and He never promised it would happen in mortality. He only said it would happen."

And though these experiences come from the perspectives of men who have feelings of same-gender attraction and their friends and family who love them, the principles and their application discussed here are equally useful in the lives of women who have this challenge.

In fact, this book can teach all of us how to draw closer to the Lord, no matter what our circumstances or burden may be.

"In Quiet Desperation was the single most important influence in helping my husband and me when we first learned of our son’s homosexuality. The authors’ insights and strong gospel-centered approach brought us much peace and helped us to open our hearts and find hope." -Grateful parents

"As one who faces the daily battle of same-gender attraction, fighting to maintain hope and striving to live by the principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ, these insights have helped me gain a stronger sense of my absolute worth and a more firm understanding of my purpose in the plan of salvation." –Resolute fighter

"This book has allowed me to have greater understanding and give better counsel as I’ve met with individuals who struggle with the challenge of same-gender attraction. I highly recommend this book to any church leader who has the stewardship to reach out and give life-sustaining guidance." –Priesthood leader

About the Author

Fred and Marilyn Matis have counseled with dozens of young adults who struggle with the challenge of same-gender attraction. They have also shared their insights with bishops and other Church leaders as well as professional counselors at Brigham Young University. They live in Utah and are the parents of five children.

Ty Mansfield served a mission in New Hampshire and is a graduate of Brigham Young University.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 292 pages
  • Publisher: Deseret Book Co (November 2004)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1590383311
  • ISBN-13: 978-1590383315
  • Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 5.9 x 0.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (23 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #765,077 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

4.0 out of 5 stars

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

14 of 17 people found the following review helpful By Eric C. Erickson on March 22, 2014
Format: Kindle Edition
This book pretends to explain why my friend, Stuart Matis, took his own life dramatically. Stuart's parents are just speculating on what it is like to be a gay man. Ty Mansfield never met Stuart, and is himself pretending to be an exgay married to a woman. He is entitled to his own life, but to to rewrite that of others.

This book is a shameful misrepresentation of a man's life. I miss Stuart and wish he could have survived the manipulation that Mormonism imposes on its gay children, but he is only one of 3 gay Mormons friends I have lost to suicide.
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24 of 33 people found the following review helpful By Amazon Customer on March 5, 2012
Format: Paperback
I read this book shortly after returning from my mission to Germany. I had discussed my homosexuality with my parents and church leaders prior to my mission. As with many gay Mormons I thought that if I followed the guidelines of the church and tried hard to live a pure life that I would be able to marry a woman and have a family. When I returned home my struggle to remain a faithful Mormon became more difficult and desperate. I read this book at the urging of my mother. Reading it had the opposite effect than my mother was hoping. I came to understand for myself that the self hatred and lack of self respect I had come to know growing up would never let me enjoy my life. It still took a couple more years to finally accept myself as a proud gay man, but now I am out and proud! Come out and be happy! Come out and make a stand for equal rights and treatment! Come out and show your families that that you can be happy and successful! Come out and teach your families what true Christianity is... Love and Compassion.
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful By Mike on October 10, 2012
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I had considered buying this book for a long time but I was embarassed to ever do so. Then one day I just got over it and bought it. It's honestly one of the most helpful books I've ever read. It's got a great perspective on the Atonement.
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80 of 121 people found the following review helpful By Robert Gowans on April 4, 2010
Format: Paperback
I'm a homosexual man with LDS parents. My mom gave this book to me for my birthday when I turned 21. Even though I'm very secure with myself and don't consider myself a mormon, I thought I would read it. The book is split into two stories; I, admittedly, only read the first.

The story is about a gay mormon whose parents do everything they can to help him see the truth of their church and renounce who he really is. He ends up killing himself. What was most horrifying to me was at the end of the story it states that these parents are helping other gay kids at BYU. These people should be locked away for the assisted murder of their son, not being allowed to help other youth "struggling" with homosexuality.

I say this honestly and sincerely to any LDS parents of gay children: If you truly love your child, encourage them to find peace and happiness on their own without the church. There is no place in the Mormon church for homosexuals, this book clearly shows that.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Whatever temptation you personally struggle against in your effort to follow Jesus Christ, the middle chapters of this book will help you understand His atonement for you better than you ever have before. Yes this book is about how to fit into Heavenly Father's Plan of family and faith while dealing with same gender attraction. Yes it will help family and friends to better understand the struggle and their own Christian obligation and hope of unconditional love. But its healing message brings hope to all those who struggle with temptations that seem beyond their ability to conquer. Very inspiring.
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4 of 6 people found the following review helpful By Mark Chatt on January 16, 2013
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book addressed a lot of concerns that I too have. It let me know that I am not alone and what I've gone through is right for me. I would highly recommend this book to others who may suffer from same gender attraction and don't wish to follow those attractions. You are not alone and there is hope and support. Sure built my faith and helped me to see that I was taking the right path hard though it may be it's worth it.
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37 of 58 people found the following review helpful By Name Withheld on December 31, 2004
Format: Paperback
For most of my life I have struggled to reconcile my feelings of same-gender attraction with my heart-felt Christian and LDS convictions. More accurately, I have tried to pray, fast, ignore, obey, work, and psychoanalyze away the feelings that always seemed so incongruent with my faith. Like many others, these efforts have taught me many things, and, I think, brought me closer to the Savior, but have not eliminated the attractions. Also like many others, I have spent considerable time and energy beating myself up over my percieved failure.

I finally decided to trust others enough to leave the contradiction of anguished security that I found in my own "quiet desperation." Some of the simple truths I learned, the ones that have helped me find happiness and true security, are beautifully taught and expanded upon by the authors of this book.

They describe the difference between a temptation and an action, and which of the two we should worry most about. They explain that homosexual, straight, white, green, whatever... none of us are all that different; everyone regardless of his or her challenges needs to come to the Father through Christ, and is only safe by doing so. They aren't satisfied with simply declaring that there is a place in the kingdom for all, (including the same-gender attracted), who live its standards. Rather, they teach that there is work for ALL OF US to do in bringing others to the table as well-that everyone's efforts are welcome and needed to build the kingdom. Most importantly they testify of the infinite reach of Christ's atonement and of his power to succor, heal, forgive and make us more like Him.
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