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In Quiet Desperation: Understanding The Challenge Of Same-gender Attraction Paperback – November, 2004


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Frequently Bought Together

In Quiet Desperation: Understanding The Challenge Of Same-gender Attraction + Voices of Hope: Latter-Day Saint Perspectives on Same Gender Attraction- An Anthology of Gospel Teachings and Personal Essays + No More Goodbyes: Circling the Wagons Around Our Gay Loved Ones
Price for all three: $51.20

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 292 pages
  • Publisher: Deseret Book Co (November 2004)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1590383311
  • ISBN-13: 978-1590383315
  • Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 5.9 x 0.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (22 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #510,610 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

In Quiet Desperation Understand more clearly one of the most difficult and perplexing challenges of our time – same-gender attraction.

Most likely, someone you know is living a life of quiet desperation, struggling with feelings of same-gender attraction. This book can help.

Part 1 takes us into the heart and mind of a mother and father who did all they knew how to assist their son to bear this heavy burden and face life in the best way he could. "If all youth knew they were loved and accepted, there would be fewer suicides and fewer children lost to the gospel of our Savior."

Part 2 shares the reflections of another young man who wrestles with same-gender attraction but who moves forward with hope. "The Lord promised that he would deliver us, but He didn’t say when. He never promised that it would happen by Monday; and He never promised it would happen in mortality. He only said it would happen."

And though these experiences come from the perspectives of men who have feelings of same-gender attraction and their friends and family who love them, the principles and their application discussed here are equally useful in the lives of women who have this challenge.

In fact, this book can teach all of us how to draw closer to the Lord, no matter what our circumstances or burden may be.

"In Quiet Desperation was the single most important influence in helping my husband and me when we first learned of our son’s homosexuality. The authors’ insights and strong gospel-centered approach brought us much peace and helped us to open our hearts and find hope." -Grateful parents

"As one who faces the daily battle of same-gender attraction, fighting to maintain hope and striving to live by the principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ, these insights have helped me gain a stronger sense of my absolute worth and a more firm understanding of my purpose in the plan of salvation." –Resolute fighter

"This book has allowed me to have greater understanding and give better counsel as I’ve met with individuals who struggle with the challenge of same-gender attraction. I highly recommend this book to any church leader who has the stewardship to reach out and give life-sustaining guidance." –Priesthood leader

About the Author

Fred and Marilyn Matis have counseled with dozens of young adults who struggle with the challenge of same-gender attraction. They have also shared their insights with bishops and other Church leaders as well as professional counselors at Brigham Young University. They live in Utah and are the parents of five children.

Ty Mansfield served a mission in New Hampshire and is a graduate of Brigham Young University.


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Customer Reviews

I highly recommend it to everyone, SSA strugglers and non-strugglers alike.
SteveSGU
Theirs is one of Perfect Love and Compassion of which is only found in Him who is Perfect even Jesus The Christ, The Son of The Living God!
Your Follow Servant
My whole life I have lived that way and only by happenstance and the spirit did I come upon this book.
Book lover

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By Eric C. Erickson on March 22, 2014
Format: Kindle Edition
This book pretends to explain why my friend, Stuart Matis, took his own life dramatically. Stuart's parents are just speculating on what it is like to be a gay man. Ty Mansfield never met Stuart, and is himself pretending to be an exgay married to a woman. He is entitled to his own life, but to to rewrite that of others.

This book is a shameful misrepresentation of a man's life. I miss Stuart and wish he could have survived the manipulation that Mormonism imposes on its gay children, but he is only one of 3 gay Mormons friends I have lost to suicide.
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18 of 25 people found the following review helpful By Amazon Customer on March 5, 2012
Format: Paperback
I read this book shortly after returning from my mission to Germany. I had discussed my homosexuality with my parents and church leaders prior to my mission. As with many gay Mormons I thought that if I followed the guidelines of the church and tried hard to live a pure life that I would be able to marry a woman and have a family. When I returned home my struggle to remain a faithful Mormon became more difficult and desperate. I read this book at the urging of my mother. Reading it had the opposite effect than my mother was hoping. I came to understand for myself that the self hatred and lack of self respect I had come to know growing up would never let me enjoy my life. It still took a couple more years to finally accept myself as a proud gay man, but now I am out and proud! Come out and be happy! Come out and make a stand for equal rights and treatment! Come out and show your families that that you can be happy and successful! Come out and teach your families what true Christianity is... Love and Compassion.
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74 of 112 people found the following review helpful By Robert Gowans on April 4, 2010
Format: Paperback
I'm a homosexual man with LDS parents. My mom gave this book to me for my birthday when I turned 21. Even though I'm very secure with myself and don't consider myself a mormon, I thought I would read it. The book is split into two stories; I, admittedly, only read the first.

The story is about a gay mormon whose parents do everything they can to help him see the truth of their church and renounce who he really is. He ends up killing himself. What was most horrifying to me was at the end of the story it states that these parents are helping other gay kids at BYU. These people should be locked away for the assisted murder of their son, not being allowed to help other youth "struggling" with homosexuality.

I say this honestly and sincerely to any LDS parents of gay children: If you truly love your child, encourage them to find peace and happiness on their own without the church. There is no place in the Mormon church for homosexuals, this book clearly shows that.
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By Pat on May 28, 2013
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I have loved this book. It has helped me with understanding the challenge of Same Gender Attraction. I have a family member that is dealing with this and it has helped me be more understanding. It has some excellent thoughts in it.
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34 of 53 people found the following review helpful By Name Withheld on December 31, 2004
Format: Paperback
For most of my life I have struggled to reconcile my feelings of same-gender attraction with my heart-felt Christian and LDS convictions. More accurately, I have tried to pray, fast, ignore, obey, work, and psychoanalyze away the feelings that always seemed so incongruent with my faith. Like many others, these efforts have taught me many things, and, I think, brought me closer to the Savior, but have not eliminated the attractions. Also like many others, I have spent considerable time and energy beating myself up over my percieved failure.

I finally decided to trust others enough to leave the contradiction of anguished security that I found in my own "quiet desperation." Some of the simple truths I learned, the ones that have helped me find happiness and true security, are beautifully taught and expanded upon by the authors of this book.

They describe the difference between a temptation and an action, and which of the two we should worry most about. They explain that homosexual, straight, white, green, whatever... none of us are all that different; everyone regardless of his or her challenges needs to come to the Father through Christ, and is only safe by doing so. They aren't satisfied with simply declaring that there is a place in the kingdom for all, (including the same-gender attracted), who live its standards. Rather, they teach that there is work for ALL OF US to do in bringing others to the table as well-that everyone's efforts are welcome and needed to build the kingdom. Most importantly they testify of the infinite reach of Christ's atonement and of his power to succor, heal, forgive and make us more like Him.
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1 of 2 people found the following review helpful By /Mary Handelsman/David Young on March 15, 2013
Format: Kindle Edition
This book actually consists of several peoples stories, in & out of the Church, all rather touching. The primary author is, i believe a 26 year old man. Yet his careful work would be a credit to one decades older. He describes the problems involved with Primarily, Saints struggling with same gender attraction and reconciling to our Faith. He explains the dilemma in a way that will be helpful to those that struggle, and the healing arms of those that want to support but dont understand. I believe this book will literally save lives.
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