Customer Reviews

In Quiet Desperation: Understanding The Challenge Of Same-gender Attraction

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I'm a homosexual man with LDS parents. My mom gave this book to me for my birthday when I turned 21. Even though I'm very secure with myself and don't consider myself a mormon, I thought I would read it. The book is split into two stories; I, admittedly, only read the first.

The story is about a gay mormon whose parents do everything they can to help him see the truth of their church and renounce who he really is. He ends up killing himself. What was most horrifying to me was at the end of the story it states that these parents are helping other gay kids at BYU. These people should be locked away for the assisted murder of their son, not being allowed to help other youth "struggling" with homosexuality.

I say this honestly and sincerely to any LDS parents of gay children: If you truly love your child, encourage them to find peace and happiness on their own without the church. There is no place in the Mormon church for homosexuals, this book clearly shows that.

For most of my life I have struggled to reconcile my feelings of same-gender attraction with my heart-felt Christian and LDS convictions. More accurately, I have tried to pray, fast, ignore, obey, work, and psychoanalyze away the feelings that always seemed so incongruent with my faith. Like many others, these efforts have taught me many things, and, I think, brought me closer to the Savior, but have not eliminated the attractions. Also like many others, I have spent considerable time and energy beating myself up over my percieved failure.

I finally decided to trust others enough to leave the contradiction of anguished security that I found in my own "quiet desperation." Some of the simple truths I learned, the ones that have helped me find happiness and true security, are beautifully taught and expanded upon by the authors of this book.

They describe the difference between a temptation and an action, and which of the two we should worry most about. They explain that homosexual, straight, white, green, whatever... none of us are all that different; everyone regardless of his or her challenges needs to come to the Father through Christ, and is only safe by doing so. They aren't satisfied with simply declaring that there is a place in the kingdom for all, (including the same-gender attracted), who live its standards. Rather, they teach that there is work for ALL OF US to do in bringing others to the table as well-that everyone's efforts are welcome and needed to build the kingdom. Most importantly they testify of the infinite reach of Christ's atonement and of his power to succor, heal, forgive and make us more like Him. They offer the hope that, even if those like me will never succesfully eliminate their feelings of same-gender attraction in this life, there is still much happiness, purpose, and peace promised in this life, and a restoration of all things in the next through Christ's infinite mercy.

This book is written to those who experience, and those who love someone that experiences, same-gender attraction. However, it expounds on doctrine that is applicable to anyone, (that would be all of us), who experiences heartache, trials, and whose lives just aren't going to turn the way we planned. I believe that people who experience the same struggles that I do, as well as those who don't, can draw strength from the principles taught in this book.

I am grateful that the authors were brave enough to produce something so personal. I am also grateful to those at Deseret Book who dared to publish a potentially controversial work. I believe that there must be risk to all involved. But the result is a text that is courageously, believably genuine, and a message that breaches the silence of a desperately quiet subject.

Ty Mansfield, as a 20-something young man, has shown in his writings in this wonderful book incredible insights and a profound understanding of how Gospel principles really apply to people with same-sex attraction challenges. As a 40-something guy who is finding my way through these same challenges, I can testify that Ty's understandings are correct and the kind of truth that can help us find the ultimate solutions.

This book is not necessarily a step-by-step how-to guide, like Jason Park's books (such as Resolving Homosexual Problems: A Guide for LDS Men, available from Evergreen International), but I have never seen Gospel principles pondered in a way that applies so much to our struggles as I have read in Ty's book. I highly recommend it to everyone, SSA strugglers and non-strugglers alike.

And the first 50 pages are the personal story of the parents of Stuart Matis, who sadly took his life before finding the answers that many of us are now finding. Their story and their obvious dedication to the Gospel of Jesus Christ and to the principle of Christ-like love are very impressive and motivating.

Get it. Read it. Pray about the principles it discusses. You will be glad you did.

First of all, my heart goes out to the Mathis family for the loss of their son. I pray they are comforted. I do not believe his death was in vain. Besides this good book, the Human Rights Campaign recently dedicated an excellent publication to him titled "Finally Free".

In Quiet Desperation is certainly a step in the right direction for the LDS faith. For far too long, members with same-sex attractions (SSA) have been outcast and misunderstood. Hopefully this book will help. I commend the authors for standing up against ignorance.

Unfortunately, the book still propagates some harmful myths.
1. Non-celibate homosexuals are not OK in the eyes of God.
2. SSA is something that should and can be overcome.

As long as the LDS church and its members believe that homosexuality is a disease that needs to be cured, I fear they will never look for the truth on the subject and continue to make a hostile environment for homosexuals.

To all those struggling with SSA in the church, my heart goes out to you. I have been there. I attended Evergreen for years. I prayed and fasted that these feelings would be taken away, to no avail. Suicide seemed like the only option for a long time.

Leaving the LDS church was the best thing I ever did. I was always under the impression that homosexuals could never be happy. That is simply not true. I am much happier now than I ever was in the church. I feel loved by God, and more importantly, I love myself.

Besides this book, I would highly suggest a book titled: "Peculiar People, Mormons and Same-Sex Attraction". It was also written by parents of a gay Mormon. It changed my life forever.

This book does just what I thought it would do. Nothing. The LDS church is the opposite of love. They are money hungry, control freaks. Their agenda is control and they determine the way things should be, and convince others through instilling fear. If you turn your back on your children, and don't support them, YOU should not be a parent. And beyond that...you should remember, according to the mormon chuch, whether or not your son/daughter is alive, YOU created them. And if you hate what they have become, because of who they love, what the HELL does that say about you. You are the f'ing freaks.

I have just completed reading "In Quiet Deseration", and my heart is so full of gratitude for the author's and their decision to share their experiences with 'same gender attraction'. Nearly 3 years ago my son, married father of 6, took his own life after struggling for over 30 years to keep this secret part of himself in check. He was a devoted member of the Church, but sadly, could find no solace or hope for his own challenge. Anyone reading this book should find their testimony strengthened, their desire to follow Christ bolstered, and their love and compassion for others enhanced by the experiences and profound insights shared in this book. Since beginning this book, I have prayed daily for Brother Mansfield and the difficulties he faces every day as he remains true to his faith and wholly committed to discipleship and following the Savior. I am re-examining my own commitment and feel a greater desire to follow the Savior wherever He leads me. Such is the impact of this very spirit filled book.

Thank you Ty and the Matis' for having the courage to write this book and use your real names. So much of this book was familiar to me as a young adult in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. After reading this book I was left with great peace and a reassurance that I do have a place in the Kingdom and the church inspite of my struggle. I continue to do all that I can to experience a shift in my sexual-orientation, but after reading this book I felt able to turn the timetable over to the Lord. I have a better understanding of the mission of my Savior and the application of His Grace to me as one who struggles with SGA. For me reading this book was an experience that helped me to let go of much of the shame I have felt over the years and begin the process of turning to the Lord and being willing to do all He asks of me in this life.

I am a young man who faces the challenge of Same-Gender Attraction. I have had this challenge for as long as I can remember. I had given up and given in to a complete hope-less-ness in ones life. Know one can fully understand the pain, the suffering, and the loneliness that comes by and through this challenge unless you personally have gone through it or one whom you love. But there is ONE who understands all that I and others like me who face this challenge! He is Jesus Christ. This book, this work, this divinley inspired blessing has change my life.
I can't think of a more powerful witness than the Holy Scriptures that has had a more amazing influence of good in my life than this book! It has brought a "brightness of hope" and a "mighty change of heart" to me. In fact I have read this book 3 times and each and every time I grown and come closer and closer to my Father in Heaven and His Son Jesus Christ. I have lost many friends to this challenge who took their very lives. I witness that this book saves lives. It saved mine at a time when I had sought a way out of my Challenge! This book will save many more lives. This book is a "good fruit" if you will and is sweet to the very soul. I will be forever in debt to those who wrote this very book! I learned that I do have a wonderful life to live, one full of peace and happiness. It gave me a far bigger picture of this Great Plan of Happiness and the role I play within that plan. I learned I can have a perfect hope and trust in God and my Lord and Savior. This book was and is inspired of Them whom we love and Serve here upon this earth. Those who shared their heart and soul did it to serve other. Theirs is one of Perfect Love and Compassion of which is only found in Him who is Perfect even Jesus The Christ, The Son of The Living God!
My life is a new life, a new Hope and a new love for other like me who so disire to live a good life of service in the Gospel and serve this world. This book can and will make this a better world for those who so live in Quite Desperation! God is Love and so is this Divin Book!

George Bailey
Provo, UT

Few books have inspired me more than this one (and I have read a LOT of books). I do not struggle with the challenge of same-gender attraction. However, I read this book in the midst of one of my own greatest personal trials only to find myself lifted up by the universal gospel principles taught herein. I would recommend this book to anybody who wishes to understand better the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The authors remain completely in harmony with the policies and doctrines outlined by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. They effectively point out that we are all fallen and all in need of the same Savior. I will ever be grateful to the authors for having increased my understanding of Jesus Christ and his role in my own life.

This is a wonderful book that gave me and so many others struggling with same-gender attraction hope. I know of many who have become frustrated because the change they sought did not come as quickly as they wanted, did not come as easily as they would like, or did not come in the manner they expected. For those that feel this way, this book indeed brings renewed hope.

I have heard several people say that this book is against change. On the contrary, this book is supportive of spiritual change and growth and placing the time-table for overcoming this challenge in the Lord's hands. For some, this challenge may be overcome in this life. But the Lord may ask others of us to endure this "thorn in the flesh" throughout our mortal estate.

Regardless, the message of this book teaches us that we can be worthy in the sight of the Lord, that we have eternal worth, and that there is a place for us in His Kingdom. No more or less is expected of us than any of the rest of God's children.

I have the deepest of gratitude for Ty Mansfield and Fred and Marilyn Matis for writing this book.