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Radical Collaboration: Five Essential Skills to Overcome Defensiveness and Build Successful Relationships Hardcover – December 14, 2004


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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 336 pages
  • Publisher: HarperBusiness (December 14, 2004)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 006074250X
  • ISBN-13: 978-0060742508
  • Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 7.6 x 1.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.6 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (25 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,371,396 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

James W. Tamm is a former judge and an expert on dispute resolution and building collaborative relationships. He is currently managing director of the international consulting firm Business Consultants Network, Inc.



Ronald J. Luyet is a licensed psychotherapist who has advised Fortune 500 companies for more than thirty years. Ron is a vice president of consulting and training services for Business Consultants Network, Inc.


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Customer Reviews

This book came highly recommended and I too feel it is a great skill builder for every Manager.
J. Salazar
Radical Collaboration is an unique book for all of us who try to create strong and successful relationships with clients, customers, partners, colleagues and friends.
Psychologist and management consultant
The concepts were easy for me to understand and useful in all aspects of my life (at work and in personal relationships.)
Raj

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

23 of 24 people found the following review helpful By Charles Ashbacher HALL OF FAMETOP 500 REVIEWERVINE VOICE on February 3, 2005
Format: Hardcover
The main theme of this book is a series of arguments that we should conduct our business dealings more like interpersonal rather than adversarial relationships. In our interpersonal relations, we tend to damp down our disagreements, as we never know what will happen in the future. We rarely burn our interpersonal bridges, for the person that you cheat, call a name or make an obscene gesture to may be the one who interviews you for a job sometime in the future.

Most of us have taken a course in basic business, and the first thing you are told is to write and sign a contract. This is of course true, but it also overstates the value of a written contract relative to other aspects of the relationship. While a contract documents the responsibilities and expectations of both parties, there is a great deal of flexibility, even when they are lengthy and rigid. Furthermore, this principle says nothing about how to earn the trust needed to get someone to agree to a contract or how to negotiate a viable contract.

There are four introspective skills that the authors put forward to help you learn how to have more of a collaborative mindset. They are:

*) Collaborative intention.

*) Truthfulness.

*) Self-accountability.

*) Self-awareness and awareness of others.

Each of these skills is necessary for a successful collaboration. You first must want to collaborate and be honest with yourself and others regarding what you want and what you are willing to do. After that, you must follow through, making sure that you are holding up your end of the bargain. Finally, you must honestly appraise your performance and also be aware of how you perceive others and how they perceive you.
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14 of 14 people found the following review helpful By R. Anderson on December 17, 2004
Format: Hardcover
More than just a "how to" book on negotiation, Radical Collaboration helps you understand yourself and your response to conflict. Backed by relevant theory and many examples, it provides practical exercises to help you "unhook" your hot buttons and build your confidence for handling difficult negotiations. A must for anyone interested in conflict resolution, negotiation skills, or self development.
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10 of 10 people found the following review helpful By Lori Hoeck on June 6, 2006
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Discovering the nature of defensiveness and "button pushing" was invaluable for me personally and for being able to now see it in others. I just loved Chapt. 2: "Hey, Buzz Off ... I Am Not Defensive!"

Quoting:

"Defensiveness is a poison pill to good relationships. In conflict, defensiveness is like blood in the water to a shark. A little here, a little there, and in no time the situation has degenerated into a feeding frenzy."

"Defensiveness is always based on fear."

"Defensiveness does not defend us from others. It arises to protect from experiencing our own uncomfortable feelings. The prescription for dealing with your own defensiveness is to let yourself experience those feelings. Do not avoid them."

"Defensiveness provides only temporary relief. It's like covering dog poop with whipped cream. It may look good and smell better for a short time, but it doesn't deal with the underlying issue or clean up the mess."

"If you think of your childhood as an eighteen-year-long hypnotic induction, you'll get a better idea of how behaviors that were helpful to us as children may have taken on a life of their own and my not be helpful to us as adults."

"Defensiveness distorts our reality, causing us to spend more energy on self-preservation that on problem solving."

This was great, too:

"The difference between a small annoyance and a button is like the difference between Teflon and Velcro. It is slips off you like Teflon, it is not a button getting pushed. If, however, the incident sticks in your throat, heart or gut like Velcro, then you've probably got some unresolved fears or pain that is a button waiting to be triggered.
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15 of 17 people found the following review helpful By Carmen Matthews on February 11, 2005
Format: Hardcover
As human beings, we are defined by our ability to process thoughts, and emotions, relevant to each person who we interact with.

At work, in our communities and in our private lives, we have a role to play. We also have many choices to make, on a continual basis.

As someone who has studied loves studying verbal judo, I was impressed by the new things that I learned from this book.

Though there are many lessons that I gleamed from this book, this review describes author's five essential skills for radical collaboration.

The five essential skills to overcome defensiveness; and to build successful relationships are:

1. Collaborative Intention;

This is recognizing how we all, even those of us who are perceived to be strong, have defensive habits.

To arrive at this, it's important that you are fully in the present moment. And you've checked your ego at the door.

Many will say, "I can't acknowledge that person's attributes, when I disagree."

But, if you want what you want, and you intend to get it, you must accept that recognizing and sincerely acknowledging your interlocutor's attributes will inspire him or her to work with you on finding a solution that is mutually beneficial.

Remember that this experience is not your entire life - it's just an experience.

2. Truthfulness;

This is looking inside yourself, accepting what is, and being visible to your interlocutor.

Admit how you teach your opponent, or interlocutor to push just the right button, to make you think and feel the worst.

And in so doing, you will inspire collaboration, first within yourself, then with others.

3.
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