Customer Reviews

Radical Honesty: How to Transform Your Life by Telling the Truth

5 star:		(34)
4 star:		(9)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(10)

 

 

This book is brash, confident, strong, results-oriented, opinionated, simple, and straightforward to the point of over-simplifying. It also has New Age-y sub-themes that will put off some, but that's another matter.

The book's basic point is sound -- honesty is the best policy. However, the implementation of that policy, as described in "Radical Honesty", is not very nuanced. It is a shock program most properly applied to people who are consciously or unconsciously living out self-destructive scripts that they internalized from somewhere or another, for people who are being deeply, fundamentally dishonest with themselves and with others. It is for people who could use a real shaking up, to break free from the false security and real stress of a false persona.

That's fine as far as it goes. However, if you were to apply the principles of radical honesty indiscriminately in your daily life, you would be a jerk, basically, and you wouldn't be able to get anything done in society. It's best considered for bringing health to broken intimate relationships among adults.

On this point, a quote from Khalil Gibran comes to mind:
"If indeed you must be candid, be candid beautifully."

The stark candidness prescribed in "Radical Honesty" is not beautiful, it is raw and ultimately self-centered. It's for emergency use, like approaching the task of redecorating by burning your house down and starting over.

That said, personally I found the author's brash style to be refreshing and likeable. As always, the reader should just extract the personally valuable stuff out of his collection of techniques and his overall message, and simply ignore the rest.

For a much less strident romp around the topic of how to have healthy adult relationships, check out "Life and How to Survive It" by John Cleese and Robin Skynner. It's a very thoughtful and engaging read. Don't be thrown off by afterimages of Cleese's Monty Python silliness -- he has a wonderfully incisive mind and does a fine job as co-author of this work on the practical psychology of healthy living.

Whenever I pick this book up off the bookshelf I am reminded of the Jack Nicholsons character in A Few Good Men where he says "The Truth? You cant handle the truth!". This is an in your face book that will make some people terribly uncomfortable. People who are afraid of honesty. I believe that while many people will say they want the truth that when they hear it they are livid. Truth hurts. And I admit that I have a double standard with myself when it comes to truth. Most of the time I speak my mind and say what I believe. But I also admit that I also deflect questions from some people whom experience has shown me cannot handle the truth, simply because I don't need the nonsense in my life.

And I admit that I winced when I first saw the books title and then became intrigued when I heard him speak on a variety of radio and television shows. So I bought the book and am glad. And yes it is heavily politically incorrect in an era where pushing and enabling the whole woe is me victim mode is so popular.

One of my favorite parts of this book and advise that I believe more people need to take is where the author writes on page 179" Many of the people who go to therapists or physicians seeking relief are tired. They are tired from having worked out their lives in such a way that they get worn out instead of recharged by living. When someone like this takes responsibility for exercise, nutrition, and rest, a number of their "psychological" problems disappear. The human body has a wonderful capacity to restore itself it is given a break from abuse and a chance to rest. Wellness is a natural state of being for people who have learned how to get out of their own way. "

On page 185 the author notes wisely that "What happens when therapy works and keeps on working is that people want to learn about how to stay well. They become interested in living in the world by constantly renewing their leases on life rather than by being lost in their minds. They can do that best within the context of a sustaining community of other people in the same boat--people who have created wellness and are committed to maintaining wellness."

On page 187 he shares that most people don't take care of themselves out of knowing they should. That there was a man who was told by his physician to lose 15 lbs but didn't and in fact gained 10 more pounds and was told at his next doctors visit by the doctor "If you aren't willing to take care of yourself, why in the hell should I?". That it took having a heart attack that could have been prevented for the man to change. Dr Blanton then wisely notes that "learning to take care of ourselves creatively rather than resentfully is a big step in growing up".

On page 212 Dr Blanton notes "Responsibility means that whatever you are doing, you are willing to experience yourself as the cause. You are the source of your troubles as well as your successes." "As long as you are blaming, explaining, apologizing, trying, resolving to be good, hoping or feeling guilty, you are not being responsible." On page 215 "To get back in touch with who you are when you have been lost in your mind is to get back to your source. This is hard to do. You have to die to live."

I used to think I was honest, until I read this book and realized that I had been nothing but a moralizing self-righteous bull*%$# artist and I was the cause of my anger, loneliness and seperation from others. It was not so much that I lied to those I loved, but that I had been lying to myself, I was hating everyone for not being who I thought they 'should' be... Well, what an experience it has been starting to listen to my body, share my anger, resentments and appreciations, to notice my victimization neurosis, and learning to share my feelings in the moment... Since I read the book and started practicing Radical Honesty, I have learnt how to live a life of laughter, loving, and joy... Pain, jeolousy, anger, etc. are no longer to be avoided, but to be 'experienced' as opportunities for growth, to work through them, to 'experience' them and move on.... Not only have I come to love myself, I love those around me for 'who' they are, and not for 'whom I want them to be'! Do yourself a favor and buy this book now, and then practice it! You'll never be the same.. ;-) I have not only bought it for my friends, but also my old enemies, some of whom have now become people I admire and appreciate.

Radical Honesty is a courageous piece of work that dares to tap into conversations many refuse to acknowledge, namely, the extent to which we as human beings have a level of dishonesty that permeates our lives, a level of dishonesty developed over years that is so automatic, so second nature, that we have forgotten anything else is possible.

Blanton is intentionally blunt and abrasive. The message is not to be mixed with sugar. In fact, "sugar" is part of what is being distinguished.

A trap in engaging this material is to interpret it as suggesting one should vocalize every thought or opinion without regard for its impact on others. That's just irresponsible, and it misses the message.

Blanton points out how as human beings we are not naturally set up to be truthful. Instead, we say and do what we think will produce the desired result and have us succeed. That we attempt to manipulate each other (or at least please and impress each other) is not profound. That we don't realize the depth, breadth, and overall impact of this is more interesting. That we've grown to believe our "act" will be more successful in life than our true thoughts and feelings is profound indeed.

Blanton is pointing to something that is possible, being utterly straight and authentic in life, and to a freedom and power that is on the other side of the "act." Perhaps utter truthfulness with others is an access to truthfulness with oneself, something we prefer to think we already have.

Read Blanton's book, and you'll think again.

Two films come to mind that occur to me as at least providing a taste of the authentic conversations that are possible and what they can open up for people, the classic "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" and the more recent "The Breakfast Club." People started speaking straight. Lives were altered, and a certain freedom became available. What is that freedom?

Radical Honesty is a fresh introduction to powerful ideas about what it is to be human and the notion that as humans we naturally inherit ways of thinking and being that limit us and bind us. Something else is possible. Read the book, and you may discover that the entire human race has issues you thought were yours alone.

At the urging of a friend I read Radical Honesty about 6 years ago. From the strength of the lessons I was able to admit to my failings and dishonesties, and rediscover my center self - honestly. I've since met Dr. Blanton, and have to relate that he is the same in person as he is in prose.

If you have stress - if you feel vaguely dissatisfied with life - if you are tired of "being" someone that you are not, take the first step to health by reading this book.

I am a journalist and adventurer, and I am lucky to have come across the work of Brad Blanton. I've met him, interviewd him and worked with his process for a year, and I've become more bold, more free and happier for telling the truth. Radical Honesty is an easy read, lots of fun funny and totally for real. Check it out.

I was in a dishonest relationship when I read this book. I knew it wasn't right but I couldn't break away because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Reading this book helped me to realize that I was hurting him and myself by being a big fat liar. I was telling him I loved him and not feeling it and he believed me so he was in a relationship he thought was mutual but was not. I realized that the most loving thing to do was to let him go. Thanks to that I found my current husband who I truly love. I was honest with him from our first date and it was exhilarating. I knew I didn't want to lie through the whole relationship so I told the truth from the start. There was an element of risk involved but it was worth it.

This book changed my life. Most people out there who complain about it JUST DO NOT UNDERSTAND. I don't want to waist my time (or yours) trying to defend his views. They are not good or bad. They are ideas that point out what might be wrong with us as individuals and as a society.
What Radical honesty did for me was allow me to attain a level of satisfaction with this present moment. It has allowed me to justify breaking down social barriers to being honest.
Before I even finished this book I had the power to go and tell my wife that I had cheated on her! And that I had been living with this lie for years! Who would have thought that she would have forgiven me? Who would have thought that because of this experience we are closer than ever! This is Radical, and my life has changed Radically.
This book acted on my mind like a stiff drink, and has since allowed me to re-discover the here and now.
This book is very hard to understand for those of you who are trapped in your minds, whose hearts are in total servitude to your minds. I've read all the reviews, and those that don't get it just don't. And those that do are lucky.
I consider myself lucky.
This book won't show you how to live. It will show you that you are already alive and whole.
I strongly recommend this book to everyone.
Mr. Blanton is a little over the top at times. But it's amusing and always challenges our preconceptions.

I sought out this book based on the title which seemed so noble to me. But the honesty here seemed defined extremely broadly, something more in line with honoring your whims/impulses. By contrast I would like to know something different: how to be honest without hurting people; how to know when the impulses are wise and when they are not.

You will wonder why most reviews are more positive than mine: I can only speculate that the excitement of other reviewers comes from others having a strong affinity to his philosophy. I also speculate that many may love the very confident and extremely energetic writing style, but unfortunatly I personally found it overdone, and not nearly as plausible as I would like. At the risk of being too blunt, I am not persuaded that the author has thought carefully about his positions. In any event, you may not agree with my rating, but I think you will agree this book is about something more than or different from honesty.

This is another of those kinds of books that seeks to blame all the worlds ills on a single problem/idea and trys to make the solution very simple. While it is true we all need to work on being more honest with others and ourselves, I think the recommendations in this book are downright dangerous. I mean really physically dangerous. There are times when telling your spouse about how you enjoyed having sex with her/his friend and really trying to get across how much you enjoyed it will get you killed. In fact, with some couples and cultures, the mere suspicion of infidelity can get a spouse killed. Yes, many people can't handle the truth. The truth can get you fired (which has been rumored to make it difficult to get food). It can get you slapped and your butt kicked up and down the block. It can destroy relationships.

There are times when the truth is mixed up and there is no clear cut truth. One may blame or accept complete resposibilty themself as part of a truth when in reality it is not them to be blamed. There are possibly other factors at work on the being other than the mind and how truthful one is.

The author states that it is natural for humans to behave in a way different then what he is suggesting. Isn't natural the real truth? Seems like a huge contradiction there.

The story of the couple where the woman is all upset with her boyfriend leaving her ending with her doing the therapy, seeing her boyfriend again and having sex with him after he left her and expressing her feelings - I don't see how this is really helpful. You have him having sex with an ex who was very upset that he left her and he is now with a new person - it seems like there is no thought being given to consequences in any of this. Just mindless "truth" bearing. And then the guy kills himself. Doesn't seem like any of her truth particularly benefitted him.

This is a tough world with limited resources. The mind forms out of necessity, out of a realistic need for it. Or else it wouldnt form. I think getting closer to the "being" and less in obsessional mind states is a good idea. And working on honesty is a good part of the way towards that.

But this book with its panicky references to the impending end of the world and its vulgar language and his own admitted dubious motivations for writing the book seems like one big manipulation. Like the woman who he is attracted to in the session, it seems things are presented totally to sell you on his point. The book is also extremely repetetive. He is basically repeating the same thing over and over on almost every page. I think he could have made this a 10 page book and been just a little repetitive.

His style is very gestalt - to hit you over the head with a hammer and to tell you that your head is all wrong. I guess some people like the whole power play dynamics. I remember asking a very well known therapist about gestalt therapy and she said that Fritz basically was surrounded by groupies all the time. She thought of it as a sophisticated form of mind control through suppression of individuality guised as getting to the truth of things.

Being honest with others and yourself is extremely important. But turing that into an end in and of itself seems a little grandiose and ultimately, boring.

I didn't like this book at all.