110 of 112 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Trenchant tome, August 20, 2005
This review is from: Raising Children Compassionately: Parenting the Nonviolent Communication Way (Nonviolent Communication Guides) (Paperback)
This is a very concise little book that is written in friendly, conversational prose, as if the author were a good friend talking to you on your couch. As a busy, attachment-minded mother, I liked that it took me only half an hour or so to read, but I found myself spending more time reflecting on the lessons in the book because they were not what I was accustomed to thinking, even with my education and training as a psychotherapist. For example, our purpose-driven, aggressive society is not used to taking the time to speak very consciously and be aware of all the judgments we automatically make in our minds that manifest in our speech. This book is about becoming more aware of how we treat our children (we would seldom treat even a stranger with the everyday brusqueness and condescension we show our children, for example, the author states). I liked the small examples of everyday life that the author takes from his own experiences with his children. He talks about how our requests for things are actually thinly guised demands, and writes, "One of the most unfortuante results of making our objective to get our children to do what we want, rather than having our objective be for all of us to get what we want, is that eventually our children will be hearing a demand in whatever we are asking." The problem here is not honoring people's autonomy, which is an innate human quality that becomes threatened whenever we sense we are being forced or pushed into something. To become more effective, compassionate parents who enjoy our kids rather than resent their "disobedience", the author show us ways to guide them in life while respecting their autonomy and basic human needs to make independent choices. The author wisely distinguishes between age-appropriate choices within their reach -- the toddler, for example, who, when given the opportunity, after being role modeled generosity by his parents, chooses independently to share candy with his siblings -- and those choices that are non-negotiable, such as playing in the middle of a busy street.
Though I haven't yet mentioned it, my favorite part of the book was learning about how just about every painful or uncomfortable emotion we experience is an unmet need. This shifts the thinking away from evaluating children and ourselves in a moralistic sense and moves towards "a language based on needs". Inside the back cover of the book is a helpful table listing emotions we feel when our needs are not being met, and very simple and respectful ways we can ask others to meet our needs without trampling upon theirs.
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16 of 17 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
Get the original instead, July 12, 2008
This review is from: Raising Children Compassionately: Parenting the Nonviolent Communication Way (Nonviolent Communication Guides) (Paperback)
I have Nonviolent Communication so this book was somewhat redundant for me. $6. for what is basically a glossy pamphlet with just the most basic of information seems like a waste of my money, AND if I'd had to pay shipping on it as well I would have felt even more ripped off. There are only 23 pages of actual information in this "booklet". This is something that should be available in a much less expensive format as a handout to parents in doctors' offices and social services where it could really make a difference to families. It is geared to people who can't or don't have the time to read much at all. It was about a 20 minute read, which might be right for people with a lot of kids, who also probably need this information the most. But, if you already have the original book, save your money.
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10 of 12 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
No Bribe Needed Says Marshall D. Rosenberg, March 8, 2007
This review is from: Raising Children Compassionately: Parenting the Nonviolent Communication Way (Nonviolent Communication Guides) (Paperback)
The topic is of great importance and the message is clear.
This book(let) is not widely useful with very young kids, but I like to have the non-violent communication luggage on board early on; I am sure it will come in handy once my kids grow to be the age that I be tempted to threaten or bribe them! However, I think I need to read some more of Rosenberg's to fully understand his paradigm and communication guidelines.
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