Customer Reviews

Raising Children Who Think for Themselves

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2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

The problmes that seem pervasive among youth today, from mindless consumerism and premature sex to school shootings and drug abuse, have raised an uproar on all sides, and the blame for these ills gets bounced around like a ping-pong ball!--TV, video games, lack of religion, rap music, and on and on. But Dr. Medhus, after hundreds of interviews with children from all kids of backgrounds, reaches the conclusion that the problems really all spring from a common source: personalities that react to outside forces rather than their own beliefs and morals. Laying out the difference between "externally directed" people who act according to impulses, peer pressure, and the fear of punishment, and "self-directed" people, who have been taught to think for themselves and follow their own consciences, she goes on to share parenting methods intended to encourage the introspection, empathy, and high self-esteem that gives self-directed children their ability to resist negative influences. The author discusses specific techniques for handling many kinds of situations, with rules and disciplinary measures that help kids understand why bad behavior is wrong, instead of shaming or scaring them into blind submission. Indispensible advice for parents seeking to inspire their kids to self-confidence, adventurousness, independence, competence, and the ability to make positive contributions to the world.--MZ

Page after page all made it clear that Dr. Medus really did her homework in putting together this great book on raising a confident and intrinsically successful child. Being a new father I find it a little daunting in being responsible (at least partially) for the behavioral molding of a human being. This book was a real eye opener is so many ways, from methods of dealing with conflict, to getting your child to accept his/her bedtime. In many instances I would finish reading a certain hypothetical scenario Dr. Medus had invented and think "wow that's exactly how I felt growing up!" Since my daughter is still only 6 months old I plan to reread this book many more times while she is growing up. I'd even recommend those without children to read it as it really hits home on how much our society is "externally directed" rather than internally.

THIS BOOK IS A MUST-HAVE if you want your child to be independent, confident, responsible and able to make sound decisions without your constant hovering. If you read and incorporate its advice into your life, by the time your children reach adulthood, you will have done your job as a parent well. The author gives more practical suggestions for real-life situations than I've ever seen in any book on child-rearing, and is particularly helpful for those of us with children about to enter or in middle school/jr. high school. Dr. Medhus also explains how parents can encourage even younger children to be self-directed, so that many problems associated with adolescence can be avoided. If every parent can raise ONE self-directed child, the world will be a better place for us all.

This is a wonderful guide for parents and educators who are searching for techniques to help children avoid the pitfalls of "following the crowd." The author provides many practical strategies and "real life" examples of how to interact with children to prevent inadvertent development of an external locus of control. The suggestions are powerful and helpful to all adults who want to help children become independent thinkers in a world filled with challenges. Following the author's advice will enhance student development and improve parenting skills simultaneously.

I am the Grandmother of a wonderful (and willful) two year old who had her Mother baffled until she read this wonderful book. Upon reading the book our daughter began applying the techniques. Bother Mother and Daughter are happier (Daddy too). My husband and I have read the book and believe it will improve our Grandparenting skills as well. The techniques Dr. Medhus prescribes are practical. The practices set forth in this book are much like those we used as we raised our son and daughter (who very definitely think for themselves). Dr. Medhus skillfully, and with charm, articulates age-old truths in modern day language. I highly recommend this book for Parents and Grandparents alike.

my daughter is 18 months old and our son is due any day. during my first pregnancy, i thought a lot about what i wanted to accomplish as a parent, what i wanted to do for/give my children to prepare them for the world. and i came to just this phrase, i wanted them to think for themselves. so naturally i was drawn to this book.

i'll be honest, i have not finished it, and i'm not sure i will. i believe whole-heartedly in the author's intentions, but here's the thing, i've already read a book that covers the same ground, leads us parents in the same direction, wants us to achieve the same goals for our children and our relationships with them and this other book does it more efficiently, with better research and better examples of what to say and do. i recommend reading "how to talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk." this book is sold more as a way to stop fighting with your kids, but ultimately it's about teaching them to recognize and identify their emotions, express the emotions in healthy and constructive ways, and to make their own decisions and accept consequences while respecting the fact that they have to live in a family and cooperate with others. the authors have a section on autonomy and how to encourage it, how to let go as parents, admit we don't have all the answers, and direct kids to asking other qualified adults, eg, a doctor, for answers.

in reading "raising children who think for themselves" i kept feeling that i was reading a rough draft of "how to talk...". "raising children..." feels more earnest in tone, but also more naive and less practical. the best thing about "how to talk..." is that the authors ran support groups wherein the techniques were used by parents who then reported back with the results. so you have numerous examples of actual conversations between children and parents and how it all went. you also get to read how parents 'feel silly' or 'awkward' talking this way, but then you can see that their kids responded positively to it. i just didn't get the concrete, real world experience from "raising children..." my hat is off to the author for wanting to make the world a better place in this way, but so much of her advice seems to be off the top of her head from her experience being around children. i'm around children a lot and i have very similar values to her, but that doesn't make me an expert.

read "how to talk so kids will listen..." instead. it's the same goals, but better researched with better examples of what to *actually do*. it's a much better use of our precious time as parents.

What can I say,except this is probably the most important parenting book ever. My family seems happier and more harmonious, the techniques are easier, and even when I mess up from time to time, it works well. Heck, I think it's helping me think for myself, too!! Given the way it's changed our lives, I'd pay one hundred times the price. Oprah oughta nab this one!

Having connections, I can safely say that this book will be a bestseller--without a doubt. It cleverly weaves a serious matter (life-changing) with a humorous, informal, easy-to-read style that appeals to parents (and parents-to-be) across the spectrum. As the title states, it is a guide on how to raise an internally-directed child. But what IS an internally-directed child? For example: An externally directed child would be the kid who is so self-conscious he is too afraid to pipe up in class and is deathly afraid of participation or (the most-feared) PRESENTATIONS. HOWEVER, an internally-directed child is not concerned with what others think, meaning they do not LIVE to please/annoy others, and therefore have more self-confidence and less self CONSCIOUSness when it comes to limiting their abilities. An externally directed child would let one small thing ruin their day, and an internally directed kid would devise a way to solve it, mend it, and move on. An externally directed child would fight over the front seat, but an internally directed child would not have such a fickle mentality, and would fight for things that are TRULY important in life. Containing dialogue from interviewed children, and a handy index for quick solutions to external problems, this informative, easy to read book is a must-have for parents. I would give it 10 stars if I could, but I guess 5 stars will just have to do.

Wow, what a great read! Dr. Medhus highlights some seemingly "easy", yet truly profound ways that all parents, no matter what stage they are at, can use to improve their interactions with their children. I am a mother of two, and try daily to have a positive impact on my girls lives. Reading this pointed out to me many venues where by simply shifting my paradigm slightly, I can more effectively be the parent that I strive to be. Thank you Dr. Medhus for sharing your knowledge with parents everywhere. You certainly have touched our lives.

I bought this book years ago, in preparation for child rearing, as I wanted to prepare myself not only physically but also mentally for parenthood. I started reading it, but for some reason could not finish it.. I could not tell why. I am a voracious reader, and can tolerate even the most drawn out and/or challenging reads. Thinking that I was not exactly ready to be a parent anyway, I put it down for later read.

Fast forward to today, I am pregnant with our first child. I pulled out our collection of expecting and parenting books and realized that this was the only I had not finished, so I began to read it again. Somehow, having an imminent family of three now makes the book's lack of appeal more clear to me. Many things are opinion based - her opinion, mostly, which is fine, except that the author has no expertise in child psychology and writes simply from anectodal experiences. That I can get through just fine, but then some of the ideas in the book just seemed unreasonable to me.

Curious, I looked her up to see if she has published other books - after all, perhaps I am just missing something here. I found out that her first child had committed suicide, that she has started a blog about communicating with his spirit, and that she believes Darwin's ideas have been conducive to violence and greed in our modern society.

So basically, I was reading a book which contains solely her subjective personal opinions on child rearing, not research based data on child rearing or psychology. Not that I am all that crazy about the latter, but at least they would have been more objective foundation grounds for a parenting book. However, as the book is based entirely on her own personal experiences, the results of her personal experiences become very relevant. And sad as the tragedy is for her and her family, as the author of this book she has lost all credibility for me. I will simply be recycling the book, without finishing it.