Raising CuddleBugs and BraveHearts Vol. II: Adult Temperament and Parenting Styles (Paperback)

by Nancy Harkey (Author)
Key Phrases: contingent discipline, judging preference, eight preferences, National Institute, Consulting Psychologists Press, Palo Alto (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description
Book Description

The two volumes of Raising CuddleBugs and BraveHearts are a complete, temperament-based guide to successful parenting. It is best to read Volume I first (all about the child) and then move on to Volume II (all about the parent). These two volumes are centrally designed for parents, but should be very helpful for school counselors, teachers, marriage and family counselors, and anyone working with families.

About the child: Why does one child seem content to play alone, while another needs a steady stream of friends?

Why does one child always question your authority while another seems eager to please?

Why does one child seem "too" neat and organized, while another can never find yesterday’s shoes?

About the parent: Do you find it very easy to get along with one child but ever so difficult to get along with another?

Do you find it effortless to give love and affection to your child, but difficult to discipline firmly, while your spouse is just the opposite?

Is it easy to drop everything and respond to your child’s needs of the moment, but hard to stay organized? Or is it just the opposite for you?

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If these situations seem familiar, Raising CuddleBugs and BraveHearts, Volumes I and II, is designed for you. The authors take a radically new approach to parenting by providing a complete system for measuring your child’s temperament (age 4-12 years) and your own, understanding how child temperament differences affect learning, relating to others, responding to discipline, and getting things done, and how adult temperament affects both parenting expectations and parenting styles. This knowledge is then used as a dynamic guide to better parenting.

The Harkey-Jourgensen Childhood Temperament Sorters (the measurement scales) included in Volume I were developed through extensive scientific research. They are taken by the parent or parents, and have been shown to be reliable measures of four aspects of temperament in samples of children from over 1,000 families. These temperament categories include extraversion/introversion (a preference for lots of friends and a variety of activities versus preferring a few best friends and activities), sensing/intuition (greater interest in concrete, factual knowledge versus greater interest in abstract, theoretical issues), thinking/feeling (reliance on logic and reason, versus reliance on personal values for making decisions), and judging/perceiving (preference for orderliness and structure, versus preference for freedom and spontaneity). From these four temperament categories, four temperament families and 16 separate types are described. Readers familiar with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator or the Keirsey Temperament Sorter will recognize these concepts. They have been used throughout the world to measure adult temperament. Now they are available for children also.

Volume I: Measuring and Understanding Your Child’s Temperament, describes temperament and type in children in great detail, and is rich in examples of type, given in the form of "temperament stories". For each of the 16 types, the child’s likely behavior is described, and special temperament-based issues that are likely to arise between parent and child are considered. The final chapters deal with three special situations--where temperament preferences are very mild (a child is almost midway between extraversion and introversion, for example), where such preferences area very strong and distinctive, and where the parent is uncertain about the child’s preferences.

Very mild temperament preferences may be obscured by the developmental stages (cognitive, social, moral/empathic) that the child is going through. These stages and their possible effects are described in thorough but lively detail. Very strong preferences may suggest a need for some development of the skills that go with the non-preferred side (the highly intuition-minded child may need to learn to attend more to facts and details, for example). Suggestions and possible exercises are given to help the child with very strong temperament preferences develop skills in a less-preferred area. Finally, for parents who find themselves uncertain about their answers to many of the Sorter questions, a chapter is included on informal ways to observe your child’s everyday behaviors.

Volume II: Adult Temperament and Parenting Styles continues the work of Volume I. Here the authors look extensively at the qualities that the parent brings to the parent/child dynamic. Parent temperament is measured there (and briefly in Volume I) through an informal "estimator".Descriptions cover dominant qualities, relationship style, work style, including decision making and conflict management, and potential problems that may occur with very strong temperament preferences. Following chapters focus intensely on what theoretically ideal parenting looks like, and the many ways in which temperament affects both the actual expectations that parents have for their children, and their real-world parenting style. For example a highly extraverted, former cheerleader mom, might naturally expect similar behavior from a quiet, shy daughter, and might push hard to produce this behavior, to the great frustration of both. Greater awareness of temperament differences would prove extremely helpful to both of them.

The chapter entitled "Ideal parenting—What does it look like?" describes the broad principles behind good parenting. It is based on the very best research information available today, and emphasizes striking a balance between nurturing, responsive aspects of parenting, and firm, demanding aspects. In the chapter on parenting expectations, the authors look at each of the adult temperament preferences and consider how these may color the expectations that the parent has for the child. The child’s need to be his or her own best self, is stressed. A final chapter on "Parenting in the real world—parenting styles" explores the many different effects that parent temperament can have on the parent’s varied skills in responsiveness and in demandingness. Throughout these volumes, the authors show great respect for the innate nature of both parent and child. Their delight in all the varied possibilities of temperament shines through, as does their great desire to be of help to! parents and their children.

From the Author
Allow the child to sleep with parents as long as he needs to? Breast feed up to the third or fourth year? Discipline only with sensitive understanding and discussion? No, no! A firm routine is critical, with highly regular hours, a well defined schedule? Allow the child to cry until ready to go to sleep if necessary? Let the child learn to self-soothe? Discipline with swift and certain punishment for all misdeeds?

What is going on here? Why do parenting experts disagree so radically? The little secret is found in temperament—the temperament of the child, the parent, and even the parenting expert. Parenting is an extension of the same qualities we bring to personal relationships, decision making, conflict resolution, and structure in work and play. A gentle and tender parent with a quiet, gentle child will do things very differently than a firm, decisive parent with a highly rambunctious child—and often rightly so. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 348 pages
• Publisher: AuthorHouse (October 1, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1418416967
• ISBN-13: 978-1418416966
• Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 5.8 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars See all reviews (1 customer review)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #2,143,497 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars central place of temperament in parenting, February 24, 2005

By	Henry Berry "Henry Berry" (Southport, CT) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

This review is from: Raising Cuddlebugs and Bravehearts, Vol. 2: Adult Temperament and Parenting Styles (Hardcover)

The two volumes cover the two primary elements in the child-parent relationship--namely, the temperament of the child and the temperament of the parent. As anyone who has had this relationship knows, these temperaments do not always mesh ideally or effectively. With their professional and working experiences in the field of child care, Harkey and Jourgensen take a good look at the crucial place of the respective temperaments in child-rearing. With this, they provide tests for identifying different types of temperaments and discuss how the interaction of the different--sometimes similar, sometimes complementary, sometimes opposing--child and parent temperaments work in the relationship. Harvey has been a professor of psychology at California State University-Pomona. Her daughter Jourgensen is a certified trainer for the Myers-Brigg Temperament Indicator who gives workshops on temperament measurement and parenting.
The importance of temperament in the child-parent relationship cannot be overestimated. As the experienced authors point out, the two different temperaments making for the nexus of the child-parent relationship are usually the main factor in the degree of success or failure of child-rearing. No one would deny this is the basis for the quality of the relationship between a parent and child.
In focusing on temperament, the co-authors recognize the conditions for the effectiveness of any school of parenting. The usually overlooked or taken-for-granted subject of temperament they bring in does not aim to replace any school, theory, style, etc., but to form the basis for how guidance, rules, discipline, etc., are brought into and inculcated in child-rearing. They offer no quick fix to any problems of parenting or a child-parent relationship. But their subject and the counsel they relate in applying it is invaluable for parents, teachers, counselors, etc., regarding the challenges, dilemmas, and uncertainties of relationships with young persons.