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Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child The Heart of Parenting

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You can find a lot of books about parenting, but many of them are just pop psychology, the solitary opinion of the author.
Gottman is definitely not one of them. He is known as one of the leading psychologists in the area of family and marriage psychology. This book presents the essence of his research findings about raising emotionally intelligent children.
His advise is surprisingly easy and is based on a 5 step model:
1. Be aware of your child's emotion
2. See your child's emotions as an opportunity to be close together
3. Actively listen to your child and validate the feelings
4. Help your child to verbalize his feelings
5. Help your child solve problems, while setting clear limits

Gottman clearly explains how you can implement this 5-step-model in daily life and what to do when problems arise. His real life examples make reading really fun.
All in all, an excellent parenting book! As a supplement, I can also recommend the book by M. Seligman: "The optimistic child"

I am a child/family psychologist and don't like most parenting books for my clients because they present theories as facts without the research behind it. This is one of 3 books that I recommend because it is well-researched yet easy to read and comprehend. Gottman's work in the field of psychology is highly respected, and the research from which this book emanates is thorough and rigorous. Yet his format in the book is such that you can immediately begin to apply his "emotion-coaching" technique. If you are having difficulty coping with your child's emotional outbursts, read this book!

There are many parenting books out there that are as controversial as they are popular. You use what you find helpful and ignore what doesn't fit in with your own personal parenting philosophy. I found most of Goleman's techniques in this book to be insightful and invaluable.

Too often, we may find ourselves giving in to venting our anger or frustration at our children for our own emotional benefit, forgetting that they are not adept at reading their own feelings much less yours. It is too easy to discount our little ones' cries as merely manipulative attempts to get what they want. (The author DOES recognize that children DO try to manipulate adults in this way and recommends not using emotion coaching in those instances.) This is a realistic, practical, and easily read book told from the perspective of a father who also relays helpful instances in his own life where he'd used emotion coaching.

One benchmark that I often use to judge parenting books are their philosophies on punishment, particularly time-outs. Goleman believes in the proper implementation of time-outs. They are to be consistent and respectful, not opportunities to emotionally berate or humiliate children. He believes that it is best used for children aged 3-8 and should last about a minute. You may want use Amazon's search-within-a-book feature and search for "time-out" to get a better idea.

The author sites studies showing that emotional intelligence is linked to higher reading and math IQ's, social competence, and physical health. We all wish the best for our children, and reading this book will help you to be the best parent you can be. More than that, you've probably noticed, that our children have a lot more benefits available to them than we did (baby care gadgets, nutritional food, innovative schooling, etc.) and yet, if I were to choose one benefit of our present to have as a child, I would have wished that my own parents had read this book. How wonderful that would have been!

This book is a practical and well-presented guide to recognizing, validating, and helping your child deal with emotions.

Gottman starts out with his rationale for Emotion Coaching, helps the parent assess their current parenting style, discusses the Key Steps and strategies for emotion coaching, and devotes an entire chapter to Marriage, Divorce, and Your Child's Emotional Health. At the end of the book he includes an age range breakdown of specific emotions to expect from your child (anxiety separation, fear of the dark, fear of death, adolescent separation...)

In the Marriage chapter, Gottman also includes a short summary of his renowned work in the study of relationships. He applies emotion coaching to avoiding the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse that end marriage: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

This book made me reevaluate the way I interact not just with my child, but my husband, and friends as well. I found it very enlightening.

Many parenting books make many suggestions, of which I pick one and that is about it. This is the first book that I agree with virtually 100%. It has benefited not only my parenting but my personal and business relationships as well. I literally hand out copies to coaches, teachers and the occasional friend that is searching for a better way to parent. It has been the first book that realistically addresses not only my children but me as a parent, without making me feel guilty or stupid. We all have to deal with fun and frustration, cuddling and craziness...the reccomendations in this book helped me find great perspective on all those aspects of being a part of a family.

extremely interesting (and not only for parents but anyone who wants to know more about their childhoods as well) and helpful book about the nature of interaction with our children, the daily exchanges and the big picture, how different parenting styles impact your child's perceptions, behaviors and self esteem from an early age. good methologies for forging healthy emotional exchanges, well-organized and written, this one is a gem

I decided to read this book after completing a summer with my children and I thought it would be a good read. I don't claim to be the best father in the world, but I'm always up for areas I can improve. This book truly opened my eyes in several areas where I realized I could take a bit of a different road. My two daughters are very precious to me and I learned a lot in this book. I ended up reading it in two evenings and I must say a lot of it was very enlightening. And as funny as this sounds, after reading this book, I really appreciate my parents now as an adult because, according to this book, they did a lot things that were right on.

This book helps parents understand how their personal philosophy about their own emotions influences what and how they teach their children about emotions, such as how to recognize, express, and control anger. The book provides a simple self-test to help parents understand what their philosopy is and how it impacts interactions with their children. For example, some parents do not permit their children to express anger at them while others are accepting of their children being openly angry with them. There are very different long-range implications of these different philosophies and parenting styles. This book helps parents to assess their own philosophy and consider changes in their parenting style.

Dr. Gottman presents an intelligent and informative approach to parenting that teaches children appropriate behavior in a sensitive manner that helps both parents and children explore the underlying reasons for the child's misbehavior. I have found this especially useful when approaching my toddler's tantrums, and have often been able to convert her screams into rational discussion. There is also a chapter that would be particularly helpful for families experiencing marital discord or separation. The book's greatest weakness is that it doesn't discuss differences in children's temperament, which would have a big effect on how well a child might respond to this approach. Overall, though a very interesting and helpful read for parents and child professionals.

Emotional Intelligence, EQ, has a lot of great resources, such as the classics by Daniel Goleman Emotional Intelligence: 10th Anniversary Edition; Why It Can Matter More Than IQ and his workbooks, as well as a wealth of great studies by Harvard Business, MIT, McKinsey and Wharton, but this book takes a wonderful look at how to raise your child as an "emotional coach". Negative emotions are a fact of life, and how we use these emotional moments is an opportunity to teach important life lessons and build closer relationships with our child.

Beginning immediately in Chapter 1 on page 24, you find the these key responses for successful parent-child interactions and the building of emotional intelligence: 1. Become aware of the child's emotion, 2. Recognize the emotion as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching, 3. Listen empathetically, validating the child's feelings, 4. Help the child find words to label the emotion he is having, and 5. Set limits while exploring strategies to solve the problem at hand.

Chapter 2 provides a quiz to assess your parenting style, as well as identifying and explaining the four types of parenting. Chapter 3 examines the 5 steps above and goes into greater (much-needed) detail and provides quizzes on emotions, such as anger and sadness. It provides a list of 20 emotions and this quote helps you to gain insight on this chapter, "Kids often express their emotions indirectly and in ways that adults find puzzling. (not you, of course) If we listen carefully with open hearts, however, we can often de-code messages children unconsciously hide in their interactions, their play, their everyday behavior." Listening and identifying the problems and possible solutions that are based on your family values help your child to identify and choose their solution.

Chapter 4 covers emotion-coaching strategies, such as scaffolding of praise, being aware of your own agenda and how that can effect your child-parent relationship when it comes into play, and how to empower your child. It is also filled with many other strategies and ideas that are insightful and helpful. This is where you can learn the ins-and-pouts :) of how to interact. A couple of other resources in this area of the chapter (there are so many) are The Leader in Me: How Schools and Parents Around the World Are Inspiring Greatness, One Child At a Time and the list in the back of the book of over 40 children's books to read together at different stages, identifying emotions together, might be something to look at.

Chapter 5 deals with marriage, divorce, and your child's emotional health. I, myself, am re-married and am always trying to seek to do the best for our child and keep what is in his best interest at the forefront of my mind. Naturally, as we are both re-married and all have our perspectives, it can be a challenge at times, and a true gift to work together. This chapter can help in this area. I'd also suggest taking a look at Mom's House, Dad's House: Making Two Homes for Your Child, Ex-Etiquette for Parents: Good Behavior After a Divorce or Separation and Collaborative Divorce: The Revolutionary New Way to Restructure Your Family, Resolve Legal Issues, and Move on with Your Life for more resources in this area.

In the next chapter, Chapter 6, the Father's Crucial Role, it has truly helped me in the understanding of why making sure that everyone is involved (to what extent is different for everyone) is so important, from the parents to the new bonus-parents. Fathers in both roles are incredibly important, as are their level of involvement. For both boys and girls, it describes what fathers can do in practical terms and how to strike a balance between your work life and home life... something we all can stand to work on at times.

Chapter 7 teaches you how to be an emotional coach as your child grows up. If you are giving this to a grandparent, childcare worker, or even another parent, be sure they read this helpful last chapter. Going through each of the stages of development (similar to the sociological stages of Piaget, Erikson and Mead- you can find them under sociology and psychology classics), Gottman identifies the most ideal ways to interact. From birth to adulthood, you never stop being a parent... helping your child to be emotionally intelligent is incredibly helpful (and some might say critical) to their development and success in life.