Customer Reviews

Raising Godly Tomatoes

5 star:		(59)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(24)

 

 

Perhaps I have a unique perspective and can add to this conversation. I grew up in an average Christian home. Growing up, I went to public school, followed by college and law school. I am now 27, married, with a one-year-old of my own. (I say all that to distinguish myself for those who think this book is just for fundamentalist Christian women whose only goal in life is to be married with babies.)

My sister happened to befriend some of Mrs. Krueger's children online while we were in high school; that's how I became acquainted with her website and her family. I have long been a fan of her common sense methods and selfless devotion to raising loving children in a peace-filled and joyful home. Reading her site (where you can find almost the whole text of the book) inspired both my sister and I to believe that having many children, while a lot of hard work, is not only possible, but rewarding and fun!

The book simply describes the method she developed for raising her 10 children. She uses the metaphor of 'tomato staking' to explain it. If tomatoes are not fixed properly to a stake, they grow unruly and tangled on the ground and their fruit rots. Similarly, children must be guided toward the right choices on a constant basis while they are young. As they grow older, they are then equipped to make wise choices for themselves.

Probably the most controversial of her beliefs are 1) motherhood as a primary purpose, 2) separation, and 3) "spanking."

Mrs. Krueger sees strong support in the Bible for the idea that the primary calling of women who have children is to be a great mother. She admonishes women not to let their mothering slack at the expense of *anything* else. While no one would refute this idea on this forum, it might make women who have to (or choose to) work outside the home feel badly.

She advocates "separation" to prevent TV, movies, friends, books, and any other influences from undoing the principles you're trying to instill in your children. While she does home school her children, she doesn't preach home schooling. I must confess, I agree with her on this point. I live in a very liberal and secular part of the country where my elementary-school-aged children are virtually guaranteed to be confronted with homosexuality and rebellious mindsets that I don't think they should be expected to confront until they're at least 13 or 14.

Also, her children play freely on the internet and socialize regularly with other families. They also frequently go out to eat. I don't know her family personally, so I'm not able to comment much, except to say that they are not "separated from the world" in the way that many reviewers seem to suggest.

With regard to spanking, Mrs. Krueger advocates training your child to obey you from the early age of 8-10 months. She specifically instructs parents to wait until you recognize that the baby UNDERSTANDS what you're saying and is CAPABLE of doing what you ask. She recommends a "mild swat to a diapered bottom" just to get their attention. (Not to hurt them or discipline them!) I have personally seen this work very effectively with my son. He is now very attentive to a "serious tone" of voice and we rarely need to swat him anymore.

I don't recall whether she ever mentioned spanking older children, although I don't doubt that she would. The point is that if you train them to obey while they're young, you won't *need* to spank when they're older.

What I've taken from the book is that you can set a high standard of behavior for your children. Discipline and rules shouldn't be paramount in a Christian home--they only provide a solid foundation on which to build a fun, loving, and joyful family.

Please forgive the play on words... I couldn't help myself.

I found Mrs. Krueger's book both sensible and balanced. The simple premise is, "Keep children in sight and/or ear shot until you can fully trust them out of sight and/or earshot." While not exactly a complicated concept, it is quite revolutionary in today's parenting climate.

When you think about it, the concept is simple common sense. If children are to learn how to behave and what is and isn't acceptable behavior, we must be near them in order to demonstrate proper behavior and nip improper behavior in the bud.

I was surprised by several of the reviews. To read what some had to say, you'd think we read entirely different books. Mrs. Krueger encouraged parents to be reasonable, consistent, and most of all, loving! There is no pressure to isolate ourselves from everyone around us and where anyone got that idea, I cannot fathom! There is no encouragement to physical harshness of any kind. While Mrs. Krueger does not discourage corporal punishment, she certainly does NOT encourage the use of it on whim or for simple childishness. What is advocated in this book is, as the title says, "occasional" and obviously (if you actually read how she encourages constant loving interaction) nothing extreme or excessively harsh.

While I think the change would be initially difficult for both parent and child, embracing the simple principles of togetherness with your children and the consistent discipleship of their character will certainly foster close and loving relationships. I recommend that readers find Mrs. Krueger's website by the same name and read excerpts from the book and make an intelligent decision based upon rational assessment rather than overly dramatic misinformation.

I was dismayed to read some of the very negative reviews. While this book does mention spanking, it is only a tool the author uses. In our culture many children are raised by people other than their parents, by being shuffled out the door at 7:30 a.m. not to return home until 5:30 from an after school program, to watch TV and play video games until bed time. This would have "once upon a time" been considered neglect. When you can go into the store and by a frozen peanut butter and jelly sandwich for your kids because you are too busy to unscrew the lid of the peanut butter jar yourself, something is seriously wrong. If you do your research, neglect can be just as devastating as abuse. Thank goodness for someone who takes the time to remind us we should raise our own children. One swat (never given in anger, as the author asserts) on a fully clothed diapered bottom by a parent who is devoting his or her full time concern to their child can hardly be defined as abuse in anyone's book. The author even devotes a section on how to use these principles without using any form of spanking for those who may be bothered by the concept or experienced abuse themselves---so to polarize the book as being about spanking is simply erroneous. This is such a no frills, commonsense, loving real life approach (no bribing, no emotional baggage)that many people will have wished their parents read the book when they were younger.

This book and the site (www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com) is loaded with common sense advice in raising children. YES, it does advise parents to swat their children, but better is a controlled swat on the rear now and then to re-establish authority, than cajoling, threatening, bribing, etc.

I want my children (8, 6, & 4) to obey me the first time I tell them to do or not do something. My 4 year old likes to wander at the store. What if he was used to me repeating, threatening, or yelling over and over to get him to listen to me? Better he hear my voice and listen to my instructions the very first time.

By following the advice in this book, you will find your life with much less frustration, kids who are happier, and a peaceful home. Kids really, really want guidelines and it gives them security to know who is in charge.

So, unless you are a rabid anti-spanker, give the ideas in this book a try. I guarantee that you and your children (and your neighbors, friends and relatives) will be pleased with the outcome!

For all on here who have been directed by your grace-based parenting friends to post a review, though you've never even read the book....save your words and your one-star reviews.

What a wonderful book that has basic fundamental training values. As a parent I absolutely LOVE this book and recommend it to those new parents or well into the stage. The author's love for children is evident and the training well thought out and researched. Different training methods are used. What a helpful useful wonderful book. I thank the author greatly for writting a basic useful book!

I found this to be an immensely practical book that has helped me enormously in my childrearing. I really wonder whether those that are attacking it have even read more that the excerpt here. If you believe any spanking at all is abuse, you will hate this book--though many of the techniques presented here can actually help you parent with no spanking at all.

I really appreciate books with lots of real-life examples, and you'll find those here. Elizabeth Kreuger has not only raised ten children of her own, but been a mentor to many other mothers and so she has a wealth of examples to share that I found very helpful.

This is a calm, peaceful way to raise your children--and to really KNOW them. Highly recommend this book.

WOW, have those of you writing such hateful reviews even read this book?? The hatred you are spewing about a book you haven't even read (or at best, browsed through) says more about YOU than the book or the author. Elizabeth is one of the wisest mothers I have ever known, and as for her advice, I say "the proof is in the pudding." How many parents these days can say that they have raised their children into healthy, happy, Godly, caring ADULTS? Elizabeth can. I'm going to listen to her before I listen to some liberal with their head in the clouds who hasn't the slightest clue about how to raise children to become responsible, caring, loving adults.

Elizabeth introduced so many concepts to me as a parent that I had never even heard of! But as I thought and prayed and searched scripture over her advice, it made perfect sense. She helps break down the Bible to show what parenting is really about. If you're humble enough to accept parenting advice from a woman who walks the walk and has proven her parenting, buy this book. It can change your life!

I found this author's website while browsing through some blogs one day and started reading it. And, after purchasing her book and reading it, it's fairly evident, to me anyways, that this lady isn't promoting child abuse in the least. It is about instilling an obedient spirit in the heart of your child - a spirit obedient to God's commandments as well as his parent's correction. She has an entire chapter devoted to spanking and calls it "The 'S' Word." She's well aware of what controversy the mere mention of spanking a child can bring.

If you're not a Christian, you're not going to like this book - period. And if you're a Christian who is 100% against "spanking" in any way, shape or form, you're probably not going to like this book either. However, if you're of the mindset that children do need to be trained - not like dogs, not like cattle, not like sheep - but trained with the mindset of creating a peaceful and obedient heart and spirit within the child, then this is the book for you. The author puts forth advice on how to control emotional outbursts (tantrums), how to discern your child's personality and reactions, how to teach them to respect you and change their attitudes. Tomato staking is about keeping your child near you, instilling Godly values in him and making sure that you and your spouse have the most important influence on his actions and behaviors. I personally have seen a tremendous change in my child since instituting many of her recommendations.

And regarding the numerous 1-star reviews of this book, I find it interesting that 1) Most were written on the same day, 2) It's apparent that some didn't even bother reading the book (a quick glance at the website and oh, no, spanking? Evil!) and 3) the author is accused of promoting actual child abuse. I think most true child abuse survivors will tell you that a swat on the bottom is a far cry from what they have personally experienced. Growing up in the Bible belt, I was around a lot people whom many might refer to as religious fanatics. I knew people who were hit with belts and other objects. I knew people whose parents would take them in another room, read them Bible verses, pray with them and then proceed to beat them. That, ladies and gentlemen, is abuse. This author does not advocate child abuse. The author even includes a section regarding those who have been traumatized by abuse they may have suffered in a child and how to relate to one's children. She advocates that her advice can be used without any swatting, popping, spanking or whatever you want to call it. Read this statement found in "The 'S' Word" chapter:

"If you are training a small child who refuses your order, you can skip the spanking, but you still must stop him from doing anything else until he obeys you. Keep his attention, and keep telling him what you expect, until he obeys. This outlasting often seems to last forever, but it is an effective, proven option to spanking."

She goes on to say at the end of the chapter:

"NOTE: Even if you initially do spank, once your child has learned to respect you, you should no longer need to spank. Except on very rare occasions, a verbal rebuke or another mild form of discipline should be sufficient. In all cases, Tomato staking is extremely helpful."

To close, I want to say that also I personally enjoyed the last chapter of this book. It is about fixing ourselves first and asking God to help us shape our hearts so that we can work on the hearts of our children. If we have emotional baggage or are unwilling to submit to God's authority, there is no way we can raise our children in a Godly way.

This book is worth reading - even if you don't agree with everything, I advise giving it a chance and see if it works for you. You might be pleasantly surprised with the results.

I have read many parenting books and Raising Godly Tomatoes is the only book I can wholeheartedly recommend to friends and family. It outlines a model of biblical discipline that is supported by scripture.

Raising Godly Tomatoes helped me focus on spending time building relationships with and leading my children, while also nipping misbehavior in the bud. Although spanking is mentioned, the book in no way promotes abuse.

My home has never been more peaceful and joyful than when following the techniques outlined in this book. Raising Godly Tomatoes is a must read for loving, Christian families!

I really like her advice for the most part, especially the concept of training early (as soon as the understand "no") & consistently.

I think the "separation from the world" goes a little overboard, as I would like for my children to have other friends, and even non-Christian friends if they were supervised or I already trusted them completely.

I also take a different approach to temper tantrums & pouting. I think ignoring IS effective IF you ignore completely & are consistent. When DB was little, he threw a fit over a toy he wanted at the store. My grandmother was with him & she just burst out laughing in front of everyone. He was so shocked & embarrassed, he never did it again! :) (not the reaction he was going for! :) )

But most of her advice is really sound & based on experience that has worked! She is more balanced than the Pearls, Roy Lessin, or Ezzo that's for sure! More loving, and more age-appropriate. Most importantly, she is much less legalistic & exclusive (as in, "my way's the only right way") than they are! I am grateful for this.

As for spanking, most ppl are against it bc they don't do it correctly or have seen ppl use it incorrectly. If you start early, like she suggests & are consistent, you will hardly ever HAVE to spank. THIS is the goal. As for ppl quoting the Bible as being against spanking, you need to take another look. Nowhere does Jesus say not to spank. The shepherd's rob WAS used to guide, but this verse suggests it should also be used to punish.
"Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die." Prov 23:13 PUNISH, not GUIDE.
Here are others to read if you're serious about figuring this out...
Prov 3:12, 12:1, 13:24, 19:18, 22:15, 29:17, Hebrews 12:5-11, Rev 3:19

Thanks for the website & book!

PS- Notice how all the negative reviews are blocked together. There is an anti-spanking website that gives links to amazon on all the books they don't like & tells them to leave bad comments. Talk about herd mentality! Most have not even read the book.