Customer Reviews

Raising a Happy, Unspoiled Child

5 star:		(14)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(6)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I have the nicest toddler I know, get compliments all the time on how reasonable and well behaved, confident and happy he seems to be, and I think that the advice in this book has been very important in achieving this so far.

This book only deals with children up until 3 years old, since that is the age range the author's research covered. The advice is based on years of in-home observation of many many families, watching babies develop through the first few years of life, so it isn't just the opinions of a pediatrician, or a parent, or an educator. The parenting practices he recommends are the ones that they saw work over and over in many different real families.

This book advises some very simple straightforward tactics, and advises you to stick to them over and over and over again, since a normal healthy child will test you over and over again to see if you will cave in, and how much power s/he has. You don't need a lot of options, you just need to stick to a few that work, and in my experience (with a willful kid, who was not a placid baby!), these work very well without making the child discouraged or inhibited in bad ways.

And, he didn't make me feel at all guilty, I wasn't bored by the writing, and I didn't find it hard to look things up - the book is organized by age stages, so you can just look at the chapter that covers the age your child currently is.

Another thing - his recommendations on toys and entertaining a baby are the best I've seen. He makes simple cheap toy recommendations, tells you what a baby really wants to be doing during each phase, and made it much easier for me to keep my son entertained!

I am giving this book as shower gifts to all of my pregnant friends. Many of the books you read today regarding parenting children would lead you to believe that children who are bratty and spoiled just woke up like that one day. Dr. White believes that children have the ability to begin manipulation beginning at around age 5 months, and through experience, I know this is the case. I have been using Dr. White's suggestions and have found that although my child will throw "tantrums" every blue moon (she is two) - they only last a minute, never take place in public, and she knows that what Mama and Daddy says goes and that is that. Not a book for those parents who rationalize unruly behavior with the newfound assumption of the last 20-30 years that children are just "expressing themselves" when they lie on the floor in the Wal-Mart because Mama or Daddy wouldn't let them have some M &M's.

I bought this book when my son was 4 months old. He is now 4 years old and he has had about one tantrum for each year of his life. Throughout toddlerhood (including the "terrific twos"), people - even strangers - have told me what a wonderful, delightful, well-behaved child my son is. In fact, one single friend of mine told me she never wanted kids and my son is the only child she has ever met that made her think she might be missing something. And most importantly, my son is almost always very happy...he is delightful! I highly recommend this book...but BOTH parents must utilize the methods in the book, or results will not be as good.

My husband and I were both hesitant to start a family, as we've found so many of our experiences with small children to be so very unpleasant. We had also heard quite a few experienced parents express the belief that a parent really has a pretty limited ability to shape their child's behavior (you know, the just-you-wait-and-see comments). Well, we're still waiting. We've got an absolutely delightful, polite, even-tempered two year-old. Luck, maybe? We don't think so; like White, we've noticed a pretty clear-cut correlation between parental behavior and toddler behavior. Do we feel we've failed if our toddler occasionally acts out? No, we just work at parenting a little harder. This book may not have in-depth or novel solutions to all parenting problems, but it offers solid approaches to shaping behavior. It helped us to feel more confident as first-time parents and it eased the oftentimes emotionally painful task of doling out disclipine to a small child.

I have three children -- my youngest will be 2 next month, and my oldest is 9. I bought this book when my oldest was a baby, and have found it to be a wonderful resource in raising my children.

Unlike some other reviewers, I found this book to have a lot of good practical advice -- I've also found, through the years, that most people who claim that "time outs don't work" are inconsistent with using them (at best).

The advice Burton White offers is a modified version of a time out -- one that is appropriate for younger children -- where you do not "abandon" them, but you do "remove" yourself from them by turning away. If you don't think a child under 3 realizes this is a punishment, just try it.

Before rushing to judgement on this -- or any parenting book -- you should first read the entire book to make sure it is in agreement with your own parenting ideas and style, then implement it without skipping parts. The ideas that you might decide aren't necessary might be the foundation that the rest of the program is built on.

I, too, disagree with using a teenage baby sitter in order to have time away from the children -- but the crucial part of this is the idea of "healthy selfishness", not the sitter or having the parents leave the house. I'm not in a position to leave my children with a sitter, nor would I want to -- but I do take time for myself that even the smallest understands as "mommy's time". They have learned, from their earliest memories, that every member of our family deserves the same rights and respect as every other -- no one person has more rights than the others.

For nearly 10 years now, I have enjoyed the benefits of this book -- literally every time I am out with my children, someone will stop and comment on how wonderful their behaviour is. My children are a joy to be around, and I believe this is entirely due to the parenting skills I learned from reading this book.

After reading so many glowing reviews, this book was a real disappointment. It is very long on self-congratulatory anecdotes on how well this "method" works and how great it is to have an unspoiled child, and very short on concrete examples of what to do. It also contains lots of references to how scary it is and how miserable you'll be if you don't get your child under control by age 2, which is not helpful when the book fails to give many examples of what to do to avoid such dire circumstances.

I devoured this book when I first bought it and my child was a newborn. I felt armed and ready to avoid spoiling him. I though I could avoid tantrums and disobedience if I followed White's advice. Well, reality is somewhat different. First of all, the book is poorly written. White repeats his set-up in two or three different ways in each section, then offers a modicum of advice that doesn't nearly go far enough. He leaves a parent without options when his meagre suggestions don't work the first time. and to make matters worse, he implies that if his advice doesn't work the first time, then your kid is a brat and it is the parents' fault. Reality has shown me that all kids go through rough times in different stages and that your work is NOT finished by age 24 months! My son never had tantrums until he turned two, and he still doesn't have full-blown tantrums. However, he does become angry when he doesn't get his way and my husband and I have had to walk out of restaurants on occasion. I know a couple of spoiled kids, and my sons behavior doesn't approach theirs, yet I find little room for a continuum in White's book. Your kid is either delightful almost all the time, or disagreeable almost all the time. What am I supposed to do when he misbehaves and I correct him and he immediatly wants a hug? Turn away? Hug him and talk to him? What if he does the same thing he was corrected for five minutes later? Silence from this book. It is not a bad book. I learned an awful lot from it, but be prepared for White to make you feel like a failure as a parent, and to speak of your child as a failure, if he or she is a reasonably well-behaved -- yet rambunctious -- 2-year old.

I have used this and Burton White's other book (The First Three Years) since my daughter was six months old. Now she's 16 mos, and i feel ready to evaluate the books. I've found his information on how children develop to be extremely interesting (and this information overlaps the two books). He has enabled me to understand what i can expect my daughter to understand and do at different points in her development. I especially appreciate his point that many parents expect too much too early and that the best thing in the early stages is to just let your kid wander and explore in a varied environment that is safe and sound for her.

When it comes to "raising a happy, unspoiled child" (and let's be up front about what this is-- disciplining your kid) i have to agree with several other reviewers who complain that White doesnt deliver enough practical advice on how to actually go about it. Our "spirited" 16 mo old is now throwing tantrums, and while it's clear that sometimes they happen because she's not getting her way, most times (and sometimes more than once a day) she blows a gasket for no clear reason. There's nothing in the book to help with that. Also, he gives zero advice on how to deal with misbehaving in public.

I also concur with the reviewer who found White's examples for disciplining (which is where his concrete advice really lies) to be too few, and often too simplistic. For instance, White suggests that if you have a 16 month old who throws food on the floor (a *very* common problem), you turn your back on her and announce that you'll stay this way until she stops. But, there's a limit to how long one can do this and so, what do you do if she keeps throwing? Do you end the meal and let her go hungry?

I really like White's general approach and do believe that kids can and should be disciplined in an effective and loving manner. It really is too bad that he doesn't provide enough concrete advice. Still, I would recommend his books to anyone with a baby because they provide fascinating and useful insight in to how small children develop. I give this book 3 1/2 stars.

I first became aquainted with Burton L. White through his book, The First Three Years of Life. White's knowledge and insights on infants is outstanding and I loved the book so much that I went looking for more. I began reading Raising a Happy, Unspoiled Child when my child was six months old.

At about eight months, I began putting White's theories into practice during diapering. White feels that all babies go through a stage where they don't want to be held still long enough to be diapered. When I read this I thought, this won't be a problem for us, but soon enough it was. I followed White's advice, and in a very short time my daughter stopped protesting and accepted being diapered and it never again was a problem.

I've watched friends (who didn't read the book) with children of the same age literaly chase their children around the house trying to catch them in order to be diapered for many months!! Or in other cases try to diaper a kicking, screeming twenty-five-pound eighteen-month old. If you don't get anything else out of this book, his theories on diapering are a real life saver.

White's theories of positive attention really work. I have never spanked my child (White does not condone physical discipline) and have followed his advice on positive attention and gentle discipline. My daughter is now a terrific two-year-old and is an absolute joy to be around.

Playmates of my daughter with parents who are heavy-handed diciplinarians now have two-year-olds who cosnistently throw fits, kick, scream and bully, and constantly have to be put in time outs. Honestly, these kids are not much fun to be around!

Don't get me wrong, my daugter does ocassionally test her boundries (I'd be worrid if she didn't!), but she's doesn't whine or through fits when she's told no. I completely credit White for this and would recommend this book to anyone who wants to turn the terrible two's into terrific two's!!!

Others feel that this book gives little practical advice. I disagree. The book is broken into sections by age groups and his theories build from the beginning. I can see where if you don't start at the begining, you might not get as much out of it. Even if your baby is a bit older, I recommend starting at the beginning and working your way to where you want to be in order to fully understand White's methods and theories.

My two-year-old and I are able to enjoy each other and are both much happier because of Raising a Happy Unspoiled Child. Highly recommended!!!

I truly feel this book was more valuable than anything I've read to date on how to raise my now 14-month old daughter. All parents should read this and very early on in their baby's life, if not during pregnancy. It's incredibly insightful. I was amazed at how well my experience with my daughter corresponded with the stages of development described. The first time she had a temper tantrum at 12 months I was shocked and had no instinct at all as to how to respond to her. This book really opened my eyes to what's going on and how to avoid letting that behavior turn into a bratty 3-year old screaming at me in the grocery store (isn't that what we all want?!). Worth every cent -- I wouldn't hesitate another moment deciding whether it's worth the purchase!