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Raising the Kid You Love With the Ex You Hate Paperback – January 29, 2013


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Raising the Kid You Love With the Ex You Hate + Joint Custody with a Jerk: Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex- A Hands-on, Practical Guide to Communicating with a Difficult Ex-Spouse + Divorce Poison New and Updated Edition: How to Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 224 pages
  • Publisher: Greenleaf Book Group Press (January 29, 2013)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1608324206
  • ISBN-13: 978-1608324200
  • Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.4 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (26 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #349,121 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

"For all divorced and divorcing parents, Raising the Kid You Love with the Ex You Hate should be required reading.  It is a masterful clinician's simple but profound guide through the minefield of divorce, and is sure to help both the parents and children caught up in this unwelcome and all-too-common drama of modern life." (Norman Rosenthal, M.D., author of Transcendence and Winter Blues)

"If you are divorced, or contemplating divorce, you need this book...Follow Dr. Farber's wise and practical rules and your children will flourish after the breakup, secure in the knowledge that your love for them trumps your disappointments in the marriage."  (Dr. Richard A. Warshak, author of Divorce Poison: How To Protect Your Family From Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing; and Welcome Back, Pluto: Understanding, Preventing, and Overcoming Parental Alienation)

"Dr. Farber's book is a must read for divorcing/divorced parents who want to insure their children's well-being and future adjustment...Using case examples to illustrate the feelings, dilemmas and decisions that divorcing/divorced parents face, Dr. Farber provides practical child-development-enhancing strategies and prescriptions that will guide parents to facilitate their children's emotional sturdiness and well-being over time." (Carol Weissbrod Ph.D.,  Associate Professor of Psychology & Director of Clinical Training at American University, Washington, D.C.)

"Divorce is hard on kids, but what hurts kids even more is nasty conflict between their parents. Based on his extensive experience with children of divorce, clinical psychologist Edward Farber provides an invaluable guide through the mine field of mistakes angry ex-spouses need to avoid in co-parenting after a divorce." (Dianne L. Chambless, Ph.D., Professor & Director of Clinical Psychology Training, University of Pennsylvania​)

"Dr. Farber is that "good conscience" we'd all like to have looking over our shoulders. His light touch and solid practical advice for the divorced parent is easy to read and sure to save readers and their children from lots of anxiety and lots of legal bills." (Dan Oren, M.D., Co-author of How to Beat Jet Lag,

About the Author

Dr. Edward Farber is a licensed clinical psychologist in Virginia and Maryland. He is on the faculty at the George Washington University School of Medicine and is the former chair of psychology at the Ohio State University Pediatrics Department and Columbus Children's Hospital.

Recognizing the need for specialized services for families in transition or conflict, Dr. Farber founded Reston Family Center to provide pre-divorce counseling, custody evaluation, visitation mediation, and parent coordination interventions. Dr. Farber has published professionally, lectured nationally, and received multiple research grants, and has served on several national and local community boards.

Customer Reviews

Very easy to read and great advice.
Heather T
Dr. Farber's book addresses the issues divorcing parents must deal with in a practical, step by step process, that is easy to follow and understand.
Family law attorney
I highly recommend this book for divorced parents wanting tips on how to raise the kid they love with their ex-partner.
NA

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Karen on January 29, 2013
Format: Paperback
Dr Ed Farber's book is full of fabulous advice about how to make the business of co-parenting work after the business of marriage has failed. The basis of his advice about successful co-parenting hinges on these three principles:

1. Your child needs both parents
2. Reduce parental conflict after the separation
3. Both parents make decisions

Parents who can agree to abide by these three principles will have a headstart in helping their children be happy, healthy adults. To be implemented well, each parent needs to be consistently focused on them and communicate regularly with their ex to make sure they're on the same page. Continuing to interact with your ex after divorce may not be something you look forward to, but, as Dr Farber points out, it's necessary to being able to raise the kid you love.

I really appreciated reading this no non-sense approach to making co-parenting work along with the real-life stories from Ed's practice, but probably the best part of this book is the fact that he shares ideas for non-ideal co-parenting situations. He offers suggestions for dealing with an ex who is more interested in revenge than in successfully co-parenting, for how the co-parenting arrangement will naturally need to change as your kid grows older, for dealing with an ex who has emotional, psychological or addictive disorders, and even for dealing with kids who may be embellishing the truth to get into your good graces.

This book is an ideal resource for parents who are divorced or divorcing and committed to continuing to be great parents.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Zach Taylor on March 6, 2013
Format: Paperback
This book is essential reading for anyone with kids who is contemplating divorce, is in the process of getting divorced, or is already divorced -- even if you don't hate your ex. The book provides practical advice on how to navigate the treacherous shoals of raising kids in a divided family. The book stresses that this navigation will not end when child support stops; it continues for so long as the child and both parents live.
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Format: Paperback
Clinical child-psychologist Edward Farber, PhD wrote a powerful new book with a compelling title, Raising the Kid You Love with the Ex You Hate. That's the formidable challenge ... and that's just what Dr. Farber's no-nonsense advice helps parents do following a divorce.

The book discusses the complexities of co-parenting as well as why your child will benefit from the efforts you make in that direction. He addresses the important subject of how, what and what not to tell your children about the divorce and about related family issues once the co-parenting process has begun.

Extremely important is his discussion of the nitty-gritty day-to-day realities of shared parenting when the divorce is behind you. He covers how to cope with the adjustments, handle school-related issues, health, discipline and the multitude of decisions that need to be made while raising any children.
Holidays and special occasions get additional attention because they are often the source of conflict which can be avoided by planning and skilled communication. So Dr. Farber spends a good deal of time focused on ways to communicate more effectively with your former spouse on behalf of everyone in the family.

Children acting out and other behavior problems following divorce are also addressed with keen insight on how kids can coerce, control or manipulate parents when they know they have the power. And Dr. Farber provides valuable advice about when co-parenting is not in the best interest of your family or when it's time to bring in professional support for issues too big to handle by yourself.

Dr. Farber shares compelling real stories based on his years of practice followed by strategies and solid advice for overcoming obstacles and facing challenges realistically.
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Format: Paperback
Any therapist who has worked with divorced couples has dealt with parents who will drone on about how much they love their children and would be willing to do anything for them… Then the therapist suggests, separately to these loving parents, that they communicate directly with each other for the good of their child. Thus begins the torrent of excuses for why this would never work—Each parent tells the therapist, “I’m willing, but he’s a lazy bastard,” “I’m willing but she needs to pay child support first,” and so on… and so on… the excuses continue.

Dr. Farber’s Book, Raising The Kid You Love With The Ex You Hate delivers a practical guide to parents as they navigate through their breakup and the negotiations of post-divorce childrearing. It combats the many excuses parents will give as to impossibility of working with their ex for the good of their children and provides strategic advice for shielding the kids from the conflict between their parents. Dr. Farber asserts this will allow kids to freely enjoy a loving relationship with both their parents, resulting better outcomes for the children. To accomplish this, Dr. Farber lays out a plan for parents to adopt a business model, in their interactions with each other, in which they are each stakeholders in a professional endeavor –raising their children- where the kids’ needs and future successful launch into adulthood are placed above their own ambitions and conflict.
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More About the Author

Dr. Edward Farber is a licensed clinical psychologist in Virginia and Maryland, and founded Reston Psychological Center and Reston Family Center. Dr. Farber is also on clinical faculty at the George Washington University School of Medicine.

Dr. Farber has been named a "top doc" in Washingtonian Magazine in the areas of Separation & Divorce and Initial Assessment & Consultation. He has also been listed as a top therapist for Marriage & Divorce issues. To learn more, please visit Dr. Farber's website, www.raisingthekidyoulove.com.

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Raising the Kid You Love With the Ex You Hate
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