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201 of 213 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book solved my problems with my difficult child
I have a young child who tends to get very aggressive when trying to tell me that his needs aren't being met. Until recently, he never listened to anything I asked of him. I was at my wits end. I'd tried everything. Things only got worse.

Then I found the answer that unlocked the mystery behind my child's behavior in Aldort's book, "Raising Our Children,...
Published on October 6, 2006 by K. Trumble

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199 of 214 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars nice insight, but a bit lousy
Although I like Naomi Aldort's approach and techniques , I think that this book is not for everyone.
I agree that most parents should let go of their will of control over their children's behavior, and try to connect with them more on an emotional level. I also agree that bribes, punishments, time-outs and such methods are best avoided and do not work in the long run...
Published on May 25, 2008 by Candida Thumiger


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201 of 213 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book solved my problems with my difficult child, October 6, 2006
By 
K. Trumble (Harbor Springs, MI USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming parent-child relationships from reaction and struggle to freedom, power and joy (Paperback)
I have a young child who tends to get very aggressive when trying to tell me that his needs aren't being met. Until recently, he never listened to anything I asked of him. I was at my wits end. I'd tried everything. Things only got worse.

Then I found the answer that unlocked the mystery behind my child's behavior in Aldort's book, "Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves." It changed my relationship with my son the day I started following her recommendations. As I learned from the book (verified by my experience) it won't do any good to punish a child's behavior; it fact, it will only make it worse. There's an underlying reason for his behavior, and until I address it in an understanding and kind way, it will continue. Now I understand why he was acting the way he was and, more importantly, how I was causing it without even knowing it. Once I understood him, I could concentrate on solving the larger problem rather than correcting (punishing) the behavior.

Ever since I changed the way I interact with and speak to my child (according to Aldort's recommendations), my relationship with him has been transformed and, no surprise, he hasn't been aggressive at all. The book has given me tools of love and connection in all areas of parenting. I can't recommend this book highly enough. Buy one for yourself and one for all of your friends.
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199 of 214 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars nice insight, but a bit lousy, May 25, 2008
This review is from: Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming parent-child relationships from reaction and struggle to freedom, power and joy (Paperback)
Although I like Naomi Aldort's approach and techniques , I think that this book is not for everyone.
I agree that most parents should let go of their will of control over their children's behavior, and try to connect with them more on an emotional level. I also agree that bribes, punishments, time-outs and such methods are best avoided and do not work in the long run ( with my 3 y old they never worked even as short-term solutions).
But since parents are in charge, they sometimes need to take action in a firm and loving way. This book does NOT provide tools to figure out this proper way to deal with everyday issues.
It just points vaguely to the need to provide a strong leadership.
Perhaps for some enlightened people, like Naomi actually appears to be, there is no need for further explanation. Most parents would appreciate it though, including myself, who have always been a wishy-washy kind of parent.
Furthermore, I find Aldort's style a bit lousy and not very empathetic towards parents, despite her best intentions. While reading, I often found myself thinking " Gee, I'd really like to be like her" . But I'm not. So what?
Her approach stems out of her unique way to be an exceptionally nurturing, loving person rather than being a technique that everyone can learn ad apply.
It must be said that the books offers a very important tool with the S.A.L.V.E. technique which helps the parent to accept children the way they are, and validate their feelings. This is the most valuable part.
I have found a similar, yet much more useful and powerful approach in "Playful Parenting" by dr.L Cohen. "Playful Parenting" is a very nice book that helps you reconnecting with children and meeting their needs without giving up 100% on cooperation ( While I agree that power struggles are best avoided, Aldort seems to consider the parental wish of kid cooperation just a sneaky form of control, and gives the parent full responsibility in cleaning up after children).
Another thing I do not like about this book is that it treats children like little adults. Aldort condemns praise and expectations, but after trying the "praise avoidance" for a couple of months, I have realized that my daughter actually needs and craves my approval and my cheers. I think we all need some praise from close people who loves us and which we love. Maybe there are some people (m including Naomi) who are so grounded and self-confident not to need praise anymore, what can I say? I'm not amongst them.
I recommend this book to already "good" and balanced parents who want to fine-tune their skills. I would also recommend it to parents that have shy, introverted children. Anyone can give it a read, but most parents will not be ready to go for Naomi's method without some additional skills to help them "offer guidance" to the children going completely wild! This is especially true for parents of strong-willed little people, who will benefit from coupling this book with another book focusing on EFFECTIVE parenting skills and tips.
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134 of 143 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Our world needs this book - QUICK!, March 5, 2007
This review is from: Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming parent-child relationships from reaction and struggle to freedom, power and joy (Paperback)
I agree with most of the 5-star reviews here. This is the best parenting book I've found - a great leap from the many modern parenting books out there. In fact, I'd say it is the only parenting book you will ever need! Like another reviewer, I am ordering many copies and actively distributing to all the parents I know.

Finally, a book that spells out with crystal clarity that yes, you can respect and trust your children fully, and love them unconditionally, without any "ifs" and "buts".

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves provides the tools for being always kind and loving in our day-to-day interactions with our children, and illustrates the guidance via eloquent real-life examples. These tools are easy to remember and put to practice, and they actually work. This book has transformed my relationship with my 10-month old, giving me permission to fully love her the way I always felt - without holding back ANYTHING! Quite a liberating shift. The guidance carries all the way from infancy through the teen years, and I am so grateful that I stumbled upon it while she is still little!

The transformative effect of the book goes way beyond parenting, as both the title, and the subtitle proposed by James Prescott on the cover ('Saving the emotional lives of our children and the future of humanity'), suggest. It lays out a readily available path to self-healing and self-realization through our relationship with our children (as well as with other people): simply by starting to examine how we respond to others a little more closely. Imho, this is one of the most important books ever written, period.

I have a wish. I grew up in Europe (France) and, really, I CANNOT WAIT to see the book available there as well, in other languages, and start infusing its wisdom and compassion overseas. Any publisher out there interested in making a difference? Call Naomi today, you'll do yourself and the world a favor. Our world needs this book. QUICK!
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122 of 136 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Love Naomi, disappointed in the book, March 8, 2006
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming parent-child relationships from reaction and struggle to freedom, power and joy (Paperback)
I loved Naomi Aldort's ***tapes*** and would recommend them with 5 stars!!!! I think that the tapes "Trusting Our Children, Trusting Ourselves" was earthshaking, life-altering, and nothing short of absolutely unbelievable. I was so excited for the book to come out, but was sorely disappointed. I feel that if the book is given to someone who is a new parent, and not familiar with any positive discipline or AP techniques, they would think that the book had no substance on which to base the her opinions.

In my opinion, she is a great speaker, therapist and mother; but just not a good writer. I have consulted with her on parenting issues, and have been purely impressed with her insight and advice. You can go to her website Naomialdort.com, and schedule a phone consultation. She is excellent.

I have been reading about 1 parenting book a week, for the last 3 years. I just did not have that "wow" factor with Naomi's book. However, if you want good books to read that have more "science" to back up the advice, I would recommend:

)Teaching your Children Self-Respect by Thomas Gordon

(another poster had eluded to this author with PET, Parent Effectiveness Training)

Thomas Gordon is referred to by many other authors, including Alfie Kohn

2) Between Parent and Child by Haim Ginott

Short, consise and packed with information that you will use for toddlers to teenagers. A big sigh of "oh, I can really parent and be nice". Excellent book

3) Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn

You won't want to put it down. It really is thought provoking. He refers to Haim Ginott and Thomas Gordon. If you start with this book, you will want to read the other two, because you will feel like you want to hear and learn more.

4) Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen

An absolute must for all parents of toddlers. Awesome! It makes parenting easier and more fun.....and it works.

If you read those 4 books, and listen to Naomi's tapes (and consult her when needed), you will be set for parenthood. I guarantee it!
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49 of 53 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars BECOME THE PARENT YOU WISH TO BE, July 5, 2006
This review is from: Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming parent-child relationships from reaction and struggle to freedom, power and joy (Paperback)
Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is unlike other parenting books and much more effective. I have read good advice before, but couldn't change my habits. This book gives the tools of personal growth that make it possible to be the loving mother that I really want to be. This is not esoteric philosophizing; it is useful advice with a five-step approach that is eminently doable. Each step is illustrated with story after story about parents who discover, or rediscover, the power of love as they replace controlling parenting techniques with gentle nurturing.

In applying Ms. Aldort's suggestions myself, I have found that my listening and communication skills are improving and I am definitely more mindful, more empathetic, and more flexible as a parent. Happily, my children have noticed this change and, even more happily, have emulated it in their relationships with each other, with their father, with me, and with friends. A little positive parenting goes a long way!!

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is a must-read, must-have book for parents who are trying to break a personal or cultural cycle of authoritarianism and start becoming the mothers and fathers they wish to be.
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43 of 46 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Raising our Children, raising Ourselves, February 21, 2006
This review is from: Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming parent-child relationships from reaction and struggle to freedom, power and joy (Paperback)
I have ordered 14 copies of this book to give away to friends (parents), teachers, schools and the local library. Naomi Aldort's book is a blessing to this world! I know it works because I have followed her advice in raising my daughters and found it to be the best; the results are inspiring.

In Rasing Our Children, Rasing Ourselves we learn to look at ourselves before we judge our children's behavior, and gain freedom from our own reactions, so we can give unconditional love to the children (and ourselves).

Naomi Aldort opens our eyes to what children really feel, how they think and what kind of emotions are expressed through their behavior. She gives us the tools to truly transform parent-child relationships into ones that are liberated, deep and authentic.

In her book Naomi draws from a wealth of experience with families who have seeked her advice. Examples of conversations and situations with children make the reading and learning compelling and drive the point she is making home even better.

Any parent should read this book as well as those who intend to become parents. I wish I had read this book before I became pregnant with my first.
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59 of 65 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars If I recommended only one parenting book...., April 12, 2007
By 
skyebean (San Jose, CA United States) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming parent-child relationships from reaction and struggle to freedom, power and joy (Paperback)
This book is wonderful! Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. I want to recommend this to every parent I know, and some who aren't.

It is validating not only what I've been doing as a parent, but also what I secretly want to be doing, but am not sure about. I also struggle at times with compromising my commitment to my child to avoid losing approval from my parents. I feel totally clear now about not making that trade-off ever again.

And it's validating so, so many experiences and feelings I had as a child... Helping me have huge clarity around what I need for my healing process as an adult (just reading has felt immensely healing), and clarity around how to better respect and honor my husband in our marriage

This is EXACTLY the information I was looking for.

Thank you so much, Naomi Aldort
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65 of 72 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars I'm buying it for every parent I know, September 10, 2007
By 
Marie Goodwin (Media, PA United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming parent-child relationships from reaction and struggle to freedom, power and joy (Paperback)
I recently read "Raising our Children, Raising Ourselves"
and I have to say that it is an amazing book and one that has created a
fundamental shift in how I approach my relationship with my children. I
have always been an advocate for gentle and respectful parenting, but this
book has offered me "mental" tools to examine my own internal world and
reactions to my children, and frankly, my spouse. I've passed it along to
several friends and they feel the same.
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56 of 62 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Finally!! What parents have been waiting for!!!, March 8, 2006
This review is from: Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming parent-child relationships from reaction and struggle to freedom, power and joy (Paperback)
If you want to learn to love your child unconditionally and never need to resort to threats, bribes, timeout or punishment, don't miss this amazing book. If you still think that the only way to have great kids is to use controlling tools, then read other books first (Your competent Child, Parenting from the Heart, The Natural Child,) or subscribe to Mothering magazine and learn why all methods of control, no matter how gentle, create bad behaviors and serious emotional difficulties.
Naomi Aldort doesn't bother to explain or prove in length why love works so much better than timeout and coercion. She assumes the reader wants to be kind and loving and gives complete and clear guidance on how to get there. Read it. You will bless the day that you did.
The book covers all ages from infants through teens with demonstrations from real families and real interactions between parents and children of all ages. It teaches how to understand your child's behavior so you know what to do, and how to avoid the trap of your own emotional reaction, so you can be kind and effective. This book is life transforming for both parent and child.
If you are ready to relinquish controlling for the sake of love and deep connection with your child/ren, read this book.
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49 of 54 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Wonderful Resource for Parents and Nonparents Alike, December 31, 2006
By 
Mary Ann Vorasky (Los Angeles, CA USA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming parent-child relationships from reaction and struggle to freedom, power and joy (Paperback)
I'm not a parent, and I bought this book for the second half of the title. The book was recommended reading by an organization devoted to educating people about nonviolence, and nonviolent parenting methods. I found the book to be very valuable reading, and something I will refer back to. From the first description of dealing with an upset child (a girl aged 4 who is crying on the floor of a grocery store) to the section on power plays and how to allow/receive them, I recognized that I can utilize the guidance in this book as a way of dealing with things that come up in work situations, and in any relationships. I can practice inwardly on myself, and change how I respond in any situation, to any stimulus. This doesn't mean not honoring my true responses, but rather, finding what they are underneath the mind chatter, and automatic pilot option(s). This book picks up where something like The Power of Now leaves off. When you're caught in the grip of your own mind in an interaction, or all by yourself, this book offers workable steps to apply "on the job" as it were. It can help ease that gripping and allow there to be more space, and more loving options available.
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