Customer Reviews

Raising a Son: Parents and the Making of a Healthy Man

5 star:		(10)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

I bought this book a few years ago when my first son was on the way, but never got around to reading it until now when he's five with a little brother padding around behind him. It's only now that 'my eldest' is expressing his independence in more sophisticated ways that have my wife and I wondering whether we've got this parenting thing working all right. What I found most helpful in this book is the structure and perspective it provides for raising a son at various stages of his development. One of the hardest things I've found as a parent is deciding just how much to expect from a child. Is my son being clever and manipulative or is he being sincere when he offers up his alibis and excuses? How strict should we be without undermining his self-confidence? In this area, 'Raising a Son' helps by reviewing the major phases in a boy's psychological and physical growth and offering counsel on how parents can help the boy face the challenges of growing up. The book also provides some interesting insight into how our own (parents') childhood carries into our parenting of children. All in all, these sections of the book are concise and rewarding.

The book runs through a section on 'cultural influences', which, if you read behind the over-simplification (and some statements that, for me at least, sounded a bit too much like liberal social mantras), makes some valid points. I disagree that previous societies (hunter-gatherer, agricultural, etc.) were generally better for raising a son in than ours. Nonetheless, in our technological age, we do have to come to grips with changing roles, aspirations, and expectations among men and women and with massive competition for our children's attention from all sorts of media. In dealing with this dilemma, 'Raising a Son' again provides some perspective for gradually strengthening a son's ability to deal with this world (which naturally helps him deal with us when he hits his teens).

One particular note for single parents, divorced couples, or couples with 'problem children', since this book is written by family counselors, it does a very nice job of covering our modern variations on the family. This isn't just a 'how Ozzie and Harriett did it' kind of book. It covers a lot of real world challenges with numerous quotes from single moms, dads, divorcees and other who love their children, but face especially difficult circumstances.

So I recommend 'Raising a Son' as a good introduction and as a book you can turn to as your son grows older. For more detailed information, 'Raising a Son' also provides a helpful bibliography of other sources of information.

Taking on a son. It sounds like a battle ground and in fact it is, rather it tends to be. That particular energy that courses through both boys and men has become a social nightmare and maleness is being swept under societies carpet. This energy is frequently erupting into actions of destruction on our streets, in our homes, and in our school yards. We need desperately to give our sons guidence. This book shows a way to raise a boy who will be strong willed, competant, and wholesome. Reading this book shows me why masculinity is misunderstood and the watse of this valuable legacy that is occuring. This remarkable book has shown me the value of my sons, their energy, and rugged beauty. This book can show us all how to accept ourselves, our brothers, husbands, lovers, and most importantly our children. There is nothing cute about the book. It is direct and deals with body, mind, and spirit and i urge you to read it. Now I suppose I shall have to read the other book these guys wrote about raising a daughter. I tell you this parenting stuff never ends. And then there's more!

This book really helped me learn how some of the things I don't understand about men are biochemical in nature. Testosterone is a very powerful drug. As our sons mature, some of the behaviors that they exhibit are directly attributed to these hormones. The authors describe the physical and emotional processes boys go through to become men and identify with their gender. I found it most illuminating. They also give lots of information on how to get your son to harness his energies in a productive manner and how to help him do so if he does not already.

As soon as I found out I was pregnant with a boy, I checked this book out of our local library. I found it so easy to read and such a great resource that I had to buy a copy for my own. It offers clear insight to the various stages of a boy's life into manhood. The metaphors for the various types of discipline can get to be a little much but the point is well made. Although I grew up with a younger brother, this book has already given me so much more sensitivity to the needs of a young boy that I look forward to raising my 11-week old son into manhood. I've quoted it incessantly to friends and can't help but shake my head at the parents of unruly teenage boys on talk shows, thinking they should have read the book again and again while their sons were growing up. An invaluable resource for any woman faced with the daunting task of raising a child to be a man, especially if she has never been able to understand men.

This is a book for all men, not just fathers. I read this book when I was single, and I learned a lot about myself. I highly recommend it.

This is a must for parents of a busy boy. I found the book not only insightful in raising our son, but also in understanding my husband better. I especially liked the fact that it starts at the begining and helps one recognize the role our physical and chemical make up play in our personalities and corresponding actions. It is one of the books I will highly recommend to my friends and family.

After 2 daughters, I had hoped that this book would help me understand my totally foreign son. Instead, it gave generic, common sense, heard it all before child rearing advice that is easily applied to any child,whether male or female. I gained no insight as to why I find my son more challenging than my daughters were at his age,nor have I learned anything I hadn't heard before from "Reviving Ophelia" or any other revelatory parenting advice book. It was irksome to constantly see the author's ideas invoked as unique to raising boys, as if girls would not also benefit from the hardly original concepts of consistent discipline and active listening.

It is unbelievable that two "therapists" wrote this unbelievabley skewed book. While there are things in the book that are helpful and supported by research, the misleading and unsupported "facts" are so rampant throughout the book that I found I could not stomach it. I picked the book up many times and always found myself stopping due to the sheer magnitude of misinformation I would run into.

The authors knowledge of domestic violence offenders and how they tend to treat their children is not addressed and in fact the authors are either extremely naive in this regard or just dead set on misleading the reader. I hope it is the former. But I must add that it is highly irresponsible to write a book and include information like this when one is clearly no expert on the topic at hand. And I know of which I speak as I am an expert on this topic.

Furthermore, the book implies that a boy will not be "OK" unless dad is around and there is absolutely not evidence for this. In fact, in recent years we have had two very impressive individuals not raised by their biological fathers, one a United States President and another a top Presidental candidate, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama. They may not be perfect but I have to say that they both appear to be doing pretty well. Note to the authors, good single moms know their boys need role models thats why they enlist the help of their brothers, fathers, cousin, baseball coaches etc. I strongly suspect that Bill and Barack had great mothers who knew that. A father who is a bad role model, ie, a perpetrator of domestic violence or other criminal, is typically NOT a great role model and can cause more harm then good, just like an abusive mother can. If you dont believe me check out the REAL research on this topic. Role models are great if they are good ones.

One must wonder what the authors agenda is here and I strongly suspect there is one. One could speculate but I will not waste my time.

As a older mother, I have read just about anything I can get my hands on regarding pregnancy, babies and parenting. I found this book to be very useful in helping me (and my husband) understand what I can do to help my son grow up to be a strong and caring man. For example, it explains when your son will cling to his mother, and when he will seek out a male role model and push his mother away. Understanding that (I hope) will ease some of the stress of that time, and relieve the guilt that could hinder that transition for him.

First, I must say that some of the previous reviewers must have read earlier versions of this book. I read the third edition only, so I am not sure how exactly it differs from previous editions, but I do know that this edition puts heavy emphasis on the need for positive male role models in a boy's life, whether or not that is the boy's own father.
I found it particularly interesting to learn about the effects of testosterone on men and boys, and I thought it was wonderful that the authors also put emphasis on "nurturing a boy's soul" aka celebrating his uniqueness.
I like the fact that the authors have really done their research. They cite numerous studies and books in their research in addition to their own experiences in their professional practice and their personal parenting experiences. It is really nice that they offer so many suggestions for other books to read on just about every topic they cover. I plan to read several of their suggestions.
I think any parent of a boy should have this on their reading list. There are many topics in which it does not go into great detail, but offers other books if you want to read further.
The only thing in the book that I thought was a bit absurd was their opinion on circumcision. While I do think circumcision is unnecessary, and a bit barbaric, even, I do not believe, as they do, that it teaches a baby to mistrust his parents. I do not see the experience itself as any different that receiving immunizations (in both instances the parent allows the child to be "hurt"), yet I don't think either one emotionally scars the child. However, almost everything else in the book rang true for me, and helped me understand the male being more fully.
By the way, I have 5 year old and 16 month old sons.