Customer Reviews

Raising a Thinking Preteen: The "I Can Problem Solve" Program for 8- to 12- Year-Olds

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For anyone who wants a good relationship with their child that can hopefully last through the teen years, or wants to learn how to communicate effectively with their child, this book is a great start. If you have experienced the frustration of trying to "reason with" your child, and don't understand why your words are not working, this book really gives helpful guidelines on how to improve your methods of communication. If you find yourself yelling at your children, and experience that it just makes things worse, this book addresses this issue as well. It also tackles the problem of trying to think for your child. As a parent of a 7-year-old and a 4-year-old, this book will really help me to communicate and deal with my children in a way that nutures their growth as individuals who can really think for themselves.

Myrna Shure tells parents and teachers (from a cognitive-behavioral point of view) how to help 8- to 12-year-olds cope with ordinary and not-so-ordinary pressures of growing up. Her method is central to establishing a positive social emotional learning climate in a classroom. She also helps parents avoid the traps that parents fall into: power struggles, "telling" (i.e., ordering), "explaining," and so forth. Her belief is that if children in this group can "think" better about emotional issues, then they will handle the pressures of adolescence much better. Therefore, while her work addresses immediate issues of growing up in 8 to 12 year-olds, she also thinks "preventatively" about the 13 to 18 year-old group.

Shure proposes teaching youngsters five fundamental skills: (1) understanding another's feelings and point of view; (2) understanding motives; (3) finding alternate solutions; (4) considering consequences; and (5) planning sequential steps to arrive at one's goals. Her emphasis is on the child's intrinsic motivation to do better and be part of a group, not on extrinsic rewards (as in "ordinary" behavior therapy).

She has great empathy and flexibility with kids. You will see in this book a perceptive, creative, and sensitive grown-up working with kids and parents. You will learn how to develop and apply these five skills with children--either in your home or in your classroom. The I Can Problem Solve (ICPS) program is worth the ticket of admission, but to get a chance to "hear" her good heart is a double bonus.

I also liked her time-frame. Children need time to grow. She is not an instant-fix-it expert. She respects kids enough to value their own pace, for themselves.

Wonderfully hands-on, this book really teaches the parent how to talk to the child in a way that is constructive, instead of so many of the destructive ways that we all, mostly unknowingly, fall into. This book and its predecessor, Raising a Thinking Child, should be used as textbooks for the parenting class everyone in America should be required to take before being allowed to have children.

Awesome book with great practical ideas to use with your children (and spouses!). A great way to encourage problem solving and rational thought, as well as open up communication with your child.