On the surface, raising unicorns for your own unicorn farm may seem like a fascinating and wondrous hobby or business. After all, what doesn't get the pulse racing and put a smile on your face more than a herd of magnificent white unicorns galloping across a gorgeous green meadow? However, take it from someone who has been there and done that. Raising your own Unicorns is much more trouble than its worth when you take into account all of the liabilities.
First of all, when acquiring your unicorns, you have to be very careful of charlatan unicorn breeders who try to sell you non pure bred Unicorns. I can't tell you how many times one of these yahoos tried to sell me bastardized unicorns with Satyr and even Pegasus blood in them. Heck, any nine year old can immediately spot a Pegasus bred fraud posing as a Unicorn. You have to do your homework when assembling a reputable line of Unicorns for a farm, and you would be amazed at the amount of mythological chicanry that goes on in the grey market.
By far the biggest problem with having a Unicorn farm were the wrongful death lawsuits. Yes, we had the romantic notion of opening up our Unicorn farm to kids who could pet and ride the wondrous mystical beasts. What this book doesn't tell you is how to stop young kids from getting impaled by the Unicorn horns. Even with adult supervision, it was difficult to stop the magnificent creatures from burying their horns deep into the guts of any little kid that would stray or fall off the Unicorn. I can tell you from personal experience that it is not a pretty sight seeing an 8 year old girl gored completely through by a unicorn horn as the mystical beast trots around the riding pasture followed by a trail of blood. And yes, more than once, even after we told children to be careful when petting the unicorn, it only takes an instant for the animal to bury its razor sharp horn right into the cranium of the unsuspecting child. And of course there were the inevitable taunters, kids who would make fun of the sensitive creatures, only to find themselves ripped open by the horn of an agitated Unicorn.
After 10-12 deaths and dozens of life threatening injuries, we simply could not financially make it feasible to run our Unicorn farm and keep it open to the public. We calculated that the only way our Unicorn farm to be profitable was to limit deaths by impaling and goring to no more than 3 per year, tops, and given the rate of fatalities we had experienced, it just was not realistic. Now, you can read this book and try it, but all I am saying is you better expect to get your hair mussed a little.
So our Unicorn Farm experience was not quite the tidy little picture this book wants to paint. There are dozens of bloody crime scene photos from the Major Case Squad that I could add to this book that would put a more balanced perspective to this endeavor, and might make you think twice about getting into the whole Unicorn business.
PS---we tried virgins, believe me. However, three of the virgins became impregnated, which led to a whole new slew of lawsuits. Its nasty business defending a "Wrongful Impregnation by a Unicorn" suit, and insurance didn't cover it....
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