Raising Unicorns: Your Step-by-Step Guide to Starting and Running a Successful - and Magical! - Unicorn Farm [Paperback]

Jessica S. Marquis (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 18, 2011

Welcome to the whimsical and very lucrative world of unicorn farming! This is an industry like no other with potential limited only by your imagination. As a future unicorn farmer, you will experience the wide and unique array of opportunities, challenges, and joys of caring for these majestic creatures.

From the Introduction
In this book, author Jessica S. Marquis provides everything you need to know to make a good living as a unicorn farmer. From choosing the right breed (Purebred; Twinkletoe; Karmic; Gigglerump; Horse with Horn) to picking the unicorn farm dream team (an alchemist; stable hands; groomers; The On-Call Virgin (OCV); lawyers), you are guaranteed to have a magical journey. The only reference of its kind, this book proves you can live in fantasyland—and still make money.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Jessica S. Marquis is a self-proclaimed Unicornomicist and a freelance writer who produces offbeat, satirical humor. Her work has appeared in Geek Monthly, Redbook, Flash, and Going Bonkers? She lives, writes, creates films, and raises unicorns in Phoenix, AZ with her husband and their colleague Farmer McGlitter. Visit her website at Unicornomics.com.

Product Details

• Paperback: 192 pages
• Publisher: Adams Media (August 18, 2011)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1440525900
• ISBN-13: 978-1440525902
• Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.5 x 7.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.5 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (18 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #51,376 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #57 in Books > Humor & Entertainment > Humor > Cats, Dogs & Animals
  • #93 in Books > Humor & Entertainment > Humor > Parodies

More About the Author

Jessica S. Marquis fights dinosaurs, raises unicorns, and really likes clouds. She's a humor writer and idea igniter, a former psychotherapist and a stick-figure enthusiast. In her free time, she enjoys coloring outside the lines and working with the youth-focused filmmaking/creative-storytelling nonprofit she helped establish, Sailbear Labs (501c3). Born and raised in Detroit, she is currently living the adventure with her husband and daughter in Phoenix.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

33 of 35 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Insightful! December 5, 2012

By Deena Shoemaker

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

When my grandfather died a few months ago, he left me his unicorn farm. I remember playing in meadows of sunshine and daises with the unicorns when I was a young girl, but I never paid attention to anything about the business aspect of it.
The most my grandfather ever got to teach me was how to brush them. (It's not as easy as you'd think).

This book was a life saver- literally!
I can now say that only 6 weeks after reading this book, I have brought the farm around and am already seeing profits! If I keep going at the rate I am, my projections see me even surpassing my grandfather's profits.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I owe my farm to you.

an absolute MUST read for anyone even considering a unicorn farm.

32 of 42 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars Seems like a good idea, but here are some practical pointers..... April 10, 2012

By Mr. Fantastic

Format:Paperback

On the surface, raising unicorns for your own unicorn farm may seem like a fascinating and wondrous hobby or business. After all, what doesn't get the pulse racing and put a smile on your face more than a herd of magnificent white unicorns galloping across a gorgeous green meadow? However, take it from someone who has been there and done that. Raising your own Unicorns is much more trouble than its worth when you take into account all of the liabilities.

First of all, when acquiring your unicorns, you have to be very careful of charlatan unicorn breeders who try to sell you non pure bred Unicorns. I can't tell you how many times one of these yahoos tried to sell me bastardized unicorns with Satyr and even Pegasus blood in them. Heck, any nine year old can immediately spot a Pegasus bred fraud posing as a Unicorn. You have to do your homework when assembling a reputable line of Unicorns for a farm, and you would be amazed at the amount of mythological chicanry that goes on in the grey market.

By far the biggest problem with having a Unicorn farm were the wrongful death lawsuits. Yes, we had the romantic notion of opening up our Unicorn farm to kids who could pet and ride the wondrous mystical beasts. What this book doesn't tell you is how to stop young kids from getting impaled by the Unicorn horns. Even with adult supervision, it was difficult to stop the magnificent creatures from burying their horns deep into the guts of any little kid that would stray or fall off the Unicorn. I can tell you from personal experience that it is not a pretty sight seeing an 8 year old girl gored completely through by a unicorn horn as the mystical beast trots around the riding pasture followed by a trail of blood. And yes, more than once, even after we told children to be careful when petting the unicorn, it only takes an instant for the animal to bury its razor sharp horn right into the cranium of the unsuspecting child. And of course there were the inevitable taunters, kids who would make fun of the sensitive creatures, only to find themselves ripped open by the horn of an agitated Unicorn.

After 10-12 deaths and dozens of life threatening injuries, we simply could not financially make it feasible to run our Unicorn farm and keep it open to the public. We calculated that the only way our Unicorn farm to be profitable was to limit deaths by impaling and goring to no more than 3 per year, tops, and given the rate of fatalities we had experienced, it just was not realistic. Now, you can read this book and try it, but all I am saying is you better expect to get your hair mussed a little.

So our Unicorn Farm experience was not quite the tidy little picture this book wants to paint. There are dozens of bloody crime scene photos from the Major Case Squad that I could add to this book that would put a more balanced perspective to this endeavor, and might make you think twice about getting into the whole Unicorn business.

PS---we tried virgins, believe me. However, three of the virgins became impregnated, which led to a whole new slew of lawsuits. Its nasty business defending a "Wrongful Impregnation by a Unicorn" suit, and insurance didn't cover it....

5 of 6 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Brand new unicorn ranch March 1, 2013

By F. English

Format:Paperback

I bought this book as a tool to help me learn how to keep my unicorns healthy on my new unicorn ranch. So far it has taught me lots about feeding, sheltering, breeding, vaccinating and promoting the general health and happiness of the unicorns on my ranch. I feel that my unicorns are so healthy and magical that I will get top dollar for them at the Canned Unicorn Meat canning factory. I look forward to my future wealth as people realize how wonderfully nutritious and tasty potted unicorn meat is.