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Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World [Paperback]

Jill Rigby
4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)

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Book Description

April 1, 2008
Child expert Jill Rigby reveals the dangers of the self-esteem parenting philosophy and offers an alternative approach that teaches children to respect both themselves and others.

After decades of experimenting with child-focused parenting, parents are beginning to realize that the result is often self-centered children who tend toward narcissism, selfishness, mediocrity, and dysfunction. Rigby espouses a new goal of parenting: gently bumping children off self-center and teaching them to be unselfish givers instead. Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World dares to revisit the values of compassion, forgiveness, thanksgiving, and unselfishness and insists that we can instill these values in our children.

With her encouraging approach, Rigby helps parents realize it's never too late to change their children's point of view and equip them to interact with kindness and respect in a world outside themselves. Teaching concepts, such as developing a passion for compassion, learning to give by forgiving, and filling every day with thanksgiving, Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World offers a new paradigm for parenting -- one that educates the heart and teaches moms and dads how to parent with a new end in mind.


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Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World + Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World (Motherhood Club) + Manners of the Heart at Home
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Selfishness is a key to lifetime unhappiness. Jill has given us an important reminder to save our kids from its clutches. The message of this book can be remembered in this thought: think of the kind of adults you can't stand to be around and don't let your child become one of them!" Dr. Henry Cloud -- author of The Secret Things of God, 9 Things You Really Must Do, and coauthor of Boundaries

"Tired of the epidemic of selfishness in today's world? Jill Rigby will help you do your part with your kids to rid the world of selfishness. Parents beware--she places the responsibility squarely on your shoulders. Take her message to heart. Your kids will be glad you did." Dr. Kevin Leman, author of Making Children Mind without Losing Yours

"Jill Rigby gets to our heart's desire of parenting with this crucial message. She brings practical advice and hope in the midst of a very self-centered culture. This is a book I will recommend to everyone." Jim Burns, PhD--president, HomeWord; author of Confident Parenting and Creating an Intimate Marriage

"I'm so tired of hearing parents on and off the air introducing their children by telling me, 'I have two "beautiful" children.' I always tell them that beautiful children don't change the world but 'good' children do. This book will teach parents how to nurture children into becoming decent, compassionate adults." Dr. Laura Schlessinger--international radio talk-show host; author of The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage

About the Author

Jill Rigby is an accomplished speaker, columnist, television personality, family advocate, and founder of Manners of the Heart Community Fund, a nonprofit organization bringing a return of civility and respect to our society. Whether equipping parents to raise responsible children, encouraging the education of the heart, or training executives in effective communication skills, Jill’s definition of manners remains the same—an attitude of the heart that is self-giving, not self-serving. She is the proud mother of twin sons who testify to her contagious passion.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 268 pages
  • Publisher: Howard Books; Original edition (April 1, 2008)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 141655842X
  • ISBN-13: 978-1416558422
  • Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.5 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #407,608 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Jill Rigby Garner, character education and parenting expert, is a national keynote speaker, award winning author of character education programs and books for students, educators and parents, and founder of Manners of the Heart. Her contagious passion engages and encourages others to make a difference.Through her speaking, Jill motivates listeners to action.
Garner has appeared on the CBS Early Show, CNN, Focus on the Family, WGN, Family Life Today, Disney Network and over 700 radio shows across the country. She speaks to teachers of all grade levels, students of all ages, parents, executives and organizational groups.

Customer Reviews

And if we follow these ideas maybe the future of this country will change for the better. Melissa Sands  |  2 reviewers made a similar statement
I highly recommend this book for Christian parents. CrimsonGirl  |  2 reviewers made a similar statement
This book is so well written and such a quick read. Shawna M. Henry  |  2 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
If only kids came with instruction manuals! That's the heart cry of many parents who are struggling to navigate the world of raising children. Living in our modern culture only compounds the complexities as parents are forced to make thousands of little decisions to determine "How much is enough?" versus "How much is too much?" while raising their kids.

Jill Rigby tries to assist parents in her new book, RAISING UNSELFISH CHILDREN IN A SELF-ABSORBED WORLD, which attempts to equip them with tactics to help deal with the narcissism and selfishness prevalent in our society. She begins by reassessing the goal of parenting and challenging moms and dads to think about how they're raising their kids and what they want them to become.

Drawing on timeless childhood stories like SNOW WHITE and THE SECRET GARDEN, she argues that parents have a choice to make. Will they raise their kids to become selfless grown-ups, or self-absorbed adults who can't function well because they feel entitled? In today's culture of excess, the change must begin at the heart level, with the parent. She invites readers to make an honest assessment of their own self-centeredness, offering a "Generosity Quotient Test" to help you determine your own level of generosity.

Then she challenges parents to devise a plan. Simple things like committing to God to raise your children to be other-centered rather than self-centered, committing to live with less to enjoy more, committing to tithe and committing to enjoy family togetherness are a few of the promises she encourages parents to make. To fulfill these commitments, Rigby advises them to get into God's world, live with integrity and walk out their faith every day.

Rigby distinguishes between needs and wants of children, highlighting the importance of not giving into a child's every whim. She says that it's important to maintain control of your child and not overwhelm him or her with options. While many psychologists emphasize the importance of self-esteem, Rigby argues that it's much more important to have God-confidence and walk in gratitude and humility. Throughout the book, Rigby highlights her teachings with statistics and anecdotes.

While many of the stories are compelling, far too few are drawn from her own experiences as a mother, leaving the reader to wonder how she handled this issue and what she learned from her mistakes. Despite this lack of personal touch and vulnerability, the book offers time-tested principles on how to raise children to be outwardly focused and confident in who they are as individuals.

While the first few chapters seem disjointed --- with scriptures thrown in without any directed analysis or tie-in --- the book gets better with each passing chapter. The appendix includes helpful resources, including a brief listing of movies great for family discussion as well as a list of state family policy councils to help you connect with government officials. For parents concerned with indecent storefront displays at their local malls, Rigby provides a list of mall management companies to call and complain to.

Parents looking to protect and guard their children from a culture of excess will applaud Rigby's efforts.

--- Reviewed by Margaret Oines
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars New Book for Parents April 8, 2008
Format:Paperback
I just love the books by author Jill Rigby. I heard her once at a Hearts at Home Conference and have been a fan ever since. Her books hit on relevant topics and this one is no different.

In this book, Rigby points out that we are raising a generation of self-focused children who aren't ready to meet real life challenges at adults. She's right! But instead of leaving it there, she gives hope - as well as advice - on how we can change our parenting to reshape our child to be "other-foused".

Easy to read, relevant, and hopeful, Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World will help you raise your child to become an adult that makes a difference in their world.

Kudos to the author!
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The best parenting book ever! June 2, 2008
Format:Paperback
If you have children or plan on having children in the future, you must read and re-read this book! It gives detailed priciples and how-tos to train you children from the beginning. One of the biggest principles is that it begins with you as the parent and Jill gives instructions for you. I love how she breaks down the duties/responsiblities for the kids by age. As long as you have children living in your home, this is a must! I just gave a copy at a baby shower this weekend! This is a great way for a couple to plan how they will raise their children before the issues come up and surprise you. I heard about this book from Dr. Laura, thank you Dr. Laura!
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
1.0 out of 5 stars Backwards
My wife and I borrowed this book from the local library because we are concerned about raising unselfish children. Read more
Published 10 months ago by A_Thinking_Person
3.0 out of 5 stars Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World
I am half-way through the book but find it hard to continue. While I agree with the principles as they are based on Bible teaching, the author's condescending tone and "I am so... Read more
Published on January 21, 2011 by R. Wong
5.0 out of 5 stars Practical and timely
I found this book to be incredibly easy to read, practical, and timely. I have four children, ages 12, 9, 6, and 5. Read more
Published on October 8, 2010 by L. Wearing
5.0 out of 5 stars Better the future
Jill Rigby is a wonderful author. Great ideas for better parenting. And if we follow these ideas maybe the future of this country will change for the better. Read more
Published on May 30, 2009 by Melissa Sands
2.0 out of 5 stars Good idea but not very well met
I bought this book because I like the idea very much, I think we live in a very self absorbed world and I would love to teach my kids to be unselfish, but I am not too much of a... Read more
Published on May 28, 2009 by The reader
3.0 out of 5 stars Not as good as it could have been...
Ms. Rigby presents some excellent advice to parents concerned about guiding children out of becoming the "Gimme" generation. Read more
Published on May 4, 2009 by R. Miller
5.0 out of 5 stars This book opened my eyes...
to what ways I needed to change my own life in order to help my children! After I read it, I make my husband read it! Read more
Published on January 11, 2009 by M. Laster
4.0 out of 5 stars Ms. Rigby Has Written Another Winner
I enjoyed Ms. Rigby's previous book Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World (Motherhood Club) so I had high hopes for this new one. I was not disappointed. Read more
Published on January 6, 2009 by CrimsonGirl
4.0 out of 5 stars Inspiring/Motivating book
This is a great book with some great ideas as long as you take them for suggestions and not hard truth. I think sometimes she comes off as this is the only way... Read more
Published on October 30, 2008 by R. Block
4.0 out of 5 stars The Message
I think the ideas and insights in this book are essential to every parent. Jill Rigby has got some great advice with a Biblical perspective that really hits home to any and every... Read more
Published on August 17, 2008 by Amanda Rettke
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