Customer Reviews

Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World

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I bought this book because I like the idea very much, I think we live in a very self absorbed world and I would love to teach my kids to be unselfish, but I am not too much of a beliver and this book is based in Christian belives, it's not that I have something against them it's just that I was looking for something more practical that could fit into my everyday life. If you are a Christian this book is for you, it has some good ideas.It would be a great world if we all try to raise our children in an unselfish way.

If only kids came with instruction manuals! That's the heart cry of many parents who are struggling to navigate the world of raising children. Living in our modern culture only compounds the complexities as parents are forced to make thousands of little decisions to determine "How much is enough?" versus "How much is too much?" while raising their kids.

Jill Rigby tries to assist parents in her new book, RAISING UNSELFISH CHILDREN IN A SELF-ABSORBED WORLD, which attempts to equip them with tactics to help deal with the narcissism and selfishness prevalent in our society. She begins by reassessing the goal of parenting and challenging moms and dads to think about how they're raising their kids and what they want them to become.

Drawing on timeless childhood stories like SNOW WHITE and THE SECRET GARDEN, she argues that parents have a choice to make. Will they raise their kids to become selfless grown-ups, or self-absorbed adults who can't function well because they feel entitled? In today's culture of excess, the change must begin at the heart level, with the parent. She invites readers to make an honest assessment of their own self-centeredness, offering a "Generosity Quotient Test" to help you determine your own level of generosity.

Then she challenges parents to devise a plan. Simple things like committing to God to raise your children to be other-centered rather than self-centered, committing to live with less to enjoy more, committing to tithe and committing to enjoy family togetherness are a few of the promises she encourages parents to make. To fulfill these commitments, Rigby advises them to get into God's world, live with integrity and walk out their faith every day.

Rigby distinguishes between needs and wants of children, highlighting the importance of not giving into a child's every whim. She says that it's important to maintain control of your child and not overwhelm him or her with options. While many psychologists emphasize the importance of self-esteem, Rigby argues that it's much more important to have God-confidence and walk in gratitude and humility. Throughout the book, Rigby highlights her teachings with statistics and anecdotes.

While many of the stories are compelling, far too few are drawn from her own experiences as a mother, leaving the reader to wonder how she handled this issue and what she learned from her mistakes. Despite this lack of personal touch and vulnerability, the book offers time-tested principles on how to raise children to be outwardly focused and confident in who they are as individuals.

While the first few chapters seem disjointed --- with scriptures thrown in without any directed analysis or tie-in --- the book gets better with each passing chapter. The appendix includes helpful resources, including a brief listing of movies great for family discussion as well as a list of state family policy councils to help you connect with government officials. For parents concerned with indecent storefront displays at their local malls, Rigby provides a list of mall management companies to call and complain to.

Parents looking to protect and guard their children from a culture of excess will applaud Rigby's efforts.

--- Reviewed by Margaret Oines

I just love the books by author Jill Rigby. I heard her once at a Hearts at Home Conference and have been a fan ever since. Her books hit on relevant topics and this one is no different.

In this book, Rigby points out that we are raising a generation of self-focused children who aren't ready to meet real life challenges at adults. She's right! But instead of leaving it there, she gives hope - as well as advice - on how we can change our parenting to reshape our child to be "other-foused".

Easy to read, relevant, and hopeful, Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World will help you raise your child to become an adult that makes a difference in their world.

Kudos to the author!

If you have children or plan on having children in the future, you must read and re-read this book! It gives detailed priciples and how-tos to train you children from the beginning. One of the biggest principles is that it begins with you as the parent and Jill gives instructions for you. I love how she breaks down the duties/responsiblities for the kids by age. As long as you have children living in your home, this is a must! I just gave a copy at a baby shower this weekend! This is a great way for a couple to plan how they will raise their children before the issues come up and surprise you. I heard about this book from Dr. Laura, thank you Dr. Laura!

Ms. Rigby presents some excellent advice to parents concerned about guiding children out of becoming the "Gimme" generation. I was not "wowed" by this book, perhaps because I have recently read several books in a similar vein and many contained the same information.

First, to raise Godly children, we must set a Godly example. She encourages us to take note of our own behavior when trying to discern a cause for our childrens'. Connection with our children is key - and she does offer some tried-and-true examples of ways to strengthen the family. I'm sure the title will do to attract a great deal of parents to the subject that otherwise would not have found a valuable resource. Unfortunately, I found much of her information regarding child development and capabilities contrary of our own study and personal experience. First, I would note that she had very stringent time frames; not the usual 3-5 years you would expect this, or between 10-13 you would see that. Throughout the book she continually made hard divides between age groups. I also believe that she has seriously underestimated and delayed the involvement of the "under-five" set. Basically relegating them to the status of completely unable to make decisions or help in any way.

Perhaps the issue is that her resume is one of "accomplished speaker, television & radio personality". As in, "I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV". I wouldn't trash it, but there are definitely a wealth of books and websites more helpful to the family with a solid foundation in the Bible. Grab the book and take a look at the authors she cites - then read *those* books for real in-depth information.

This book is so well written and such a quick read. Selfishness is such an inherent part of our human nature and something that we allow to run rampant in our lives. I loved that the book not only made me think of things I want to change as we raise our children, but also made me examine my own heart and start each day with a prayer for the selfishness to be taken out of me. So many actions are fueled by selfishness, right down to me not wanting to get off the couch when I am reading to help my children. It has caused me to examine my motives so much. Then the author provides examples of things to do with your children, which are so practical, and she breaks them down by age group, which is so helpful! I highly recommend this book. I just have a borrowed copy from the library and would like to get one of my own to reread and for reference as my children grow!

This is a book every parent raising a child in today's society should read! It has changed the way I intend to raise my son!

I am half-way through the book but find it hard to continue. While I agree with the principles as they are based on Bible teaching, the author's condescending tone and "I am so right" manner bother me. It also lacks practical examples and encouragement for the parents. I enjoy Dr. Kevin Leman's "Making Children Mind without Losing Yours" much more. It has a good balance of God's truth and grace with plenty of practical examples and advice that work well on my strong-willed son.

I found this book to be incredibly easy to read, practical, and timely. I have four children, ages 12, 9, 6, and 5. The oldest and youngest in particular struggle with self-centeredness. I have already begun to implement the insight, advice, and ideas presented in the book, with favorable results.

I think the ideas and insights in this book are essential to every parent. Jill Rigby has got some great advice with a Biblical perspective that really hits home to any and every mom and dad!

The only problem I have is her frequent use of "The Message" in quoting scripture. The Message, by Eugene Peterson, is a loosly paraphrased version of the Bible that is actually more of an opinion then a paraphrase. Some of his insights are actually UN Biblical. I wish Ms. Rigby had done her homework a bit better in this depatment, as all Christans should always promote God's Truth and His Sacred Word.


I would recommend the book, as long as the reader can handle using their spiritual discernment regularily.

God bless