Customer Reviews

Raising Your Emotional Intelligence: A Practical Guide

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In her extremely well-written and well thought-out book, Raising Your Emotional Intelligence, psychologist Jeanne Segal taught this old dog many new tricks-and believe me I was skeptical going in. I think anyone would be who's been married for more than a quarter of a century, raised a family and experienced enough of life's little surprises to deserve her wrinkles. But Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., dispelled my skepticism. She showed me that though I may comprehend life very well intellectually, I still have work to do emotionally if I want to become a truly authentic human being.

Bringing your words, actions, and even body language into sync with your 'shoulda, coulda, woulda's' is the theme of Dr. Segal's book. She wants you to open yourself up to your entire range of feelings and use the energy you will be releasing to get more out of life. She tells us to replace the phrase "I think" with "I feel." She wants us to experience the full range of our emotions from the good to the shameful to the scary and she wants us to do this consciously, living "in the moment' in a state of heightened awareness. I've been taking her advice, and it's a cool sensation. It reminds me of going back to aerobic exercise after a hiatus. As your blood travels to places that haven't felt it in a long time, fingers, toes and legs begin to itch and tingle. When you try Dr. Segal's techniques you'll see that the excitement of feeling again-or for the first time-is equally palpable.

I suppose I was initially skeptical, because of the Introduction to Psychology course I took in my freshman year of college. On day one the professor told us all about instinct: he said we don't have any. He maintained that modem man (or woman) was too far removed from our original survival mode to have any genetically programmed responses left. He said that what we called "a gut feel" was really judgment based on experience and intelligence.

Dr. Segal would beg to differ. She is a great believer in intuition, and she believes people will make better decisions for themselves if they tune in to their emotional reactions. In order to get us to that point, she employs a whole host of engagement devices: examples, quotes, tips, techniques and stories about her own experiences. A terrific teacher, she livens things up by asking us to fill in the blanks, rate ourselves one to ten and choose the best option in a number of situations. Not only does this workshop approach drive home her points, they form an arsenal of appropriate responses for touchy situations.

Raising Your Emotional Intelligence truly lives up to its subtitle, A Practical Guide. It is blessedly free of padding, jargon and mind-numbing theory. Rarest of all, it can be profitably enjoyed and utilized by everyone from the thoroughly self-analyzed to the psychological neophyte. Whether you need help dealing with your children, your boss, your husband, your parents or your siblings, it seems that Dr. Segal has addressed your particular concern or something close enough to it to be relevant. Who couldn't relate to the age-old dilemma embodied in "When High EQ Meets Low EQ: Dealing with a Low-EQ Lover' or the shrieks of anguish from the parents of teens who tell us, "My son dyed his hair green on one side and red on the other' and "My daughter pretends she doesn't know us?" Maybe misery loves company, but I find it a great comfort to know that others are struggling with the same issues I am. And it's an even greater comfort to know that wise and down-to-earth Dr. Segal is there to guide me through the mine fields of human relationships. There, I feel better already!

Barbara Greenleaf

I'm amazed at how one little book (246 pages), can make such a big difference! Dr. Jeanne Segal is brilliant. Her program, "Raising Your Emotional Intelligence, A Practical Guide" consists of simple techniques, easy to follow processes and quizzes. At first, I thought, "will these quizzes ever stop?" After doing a few of them, I realized the quizzes were integral because they are ideal warm ups for getting in touch with how one feels. Here are two of the quizzes' titles; "Home Is Where the Heart Is - Or Is It?" and "Can You Fit in Without Falling Apart?" Just to give you a clue, this is a compelling and provocative book.

Other parts of the program work on the body and mind connection. There's a big emphasis on becoming attuned to the messages that our bodies deliver. I came to realize how my body had become a hostage to my own suppressed feelings. There are breathing and focusing exercises aimed to reacquaint one with parts of the body. I found that by doing these simple breathing exercises daily, I experienced a brighter focus in my work!

By following her techniques I was able to identify and release some deeply held feelings of abandonment and sadness. I'm astounded at how much energy I've had as a result! How does one place a value on that?

This is a book that I'll keep handy for a long time. As Dr. Segal writes, it takes time for new behaviors to become healthy habits. It's been well worth my time and effort. What a wonderful book. Thank you Dr. Segal. I highly recommend it.

Emotions impact everything we do. In an office setting, emotions can lead to team camaraderie and increase productivity. Likewise, emotions can also prove destructive. Emotions can make or break a family. They can enhance or end a loving relationship. It is the individuals' emotional quotients (EQ) that dictate interpersonal relationships. Dr. Segal lays out an argument that individuals must raise their emotional intelligence if they are to be contented individuals. Dr. Segal lays out simple steps that the lay person can easily apply to improve their own well being.

RAISING YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE is an excellent practical guide to inner peace. What makes this nonfiction work so good and worthwhile is its ease of application, starting with a personal assessment test that provides the reader with their current EQ level. Chapters are devoted to help the individual at work, at home, and in any relationship (including a loved one). This is a great self-help book that can assist anyone with relationships.

Harriet Klausner

Three cheers for Ms. Segal and her enlightening book! For too long, we've been taught to hide our feelings. In Daniel Goleman's book, "Emotional Intelligence," he asserts that our first response is to "feel." This acknowledgement is especially important to women. In responding to any circumstances, our emotional centers are triggered before our rational responses. We are not Barbie dolls. "If you prick us, do we not bleed," said Shylock in "The Merchant of Venice."
I, for one, am tired of not feeling. Yes, feelings are often painful, but Ms Segal shows us how to deal with them. In addition to developing our IQ, we need to improve our EQ, our Emotional Quotient. In her studies of terminallly ill people who got well, she found that a significant number were emotional. They were not afraid to feel sad, angry, hurt, or even happy. Based on these studies, she describes four basic skills to help us Raise Our Emotional Intelligence. She has found that how we deal with our feelings has more to do with our health, our success in life, and the quality of our relationships than how we think.

Increasingly psychotherapists are discovering the utility of cognitive approaches (using our thoughts constructively) to support improved functioning, relationships and moods. Dr. Segal's book offers a "missing link" by explicitly offering readers methods to see, feel and honor their feelings as well as their thoughts, boosting improvements I have seen in functioning, relationships and moods. I would recommend it to professionals and their clients alike.

It didn't take long to realise that the apparently mild-mannered tone of this book has a highly coercive undertone. The proverbial iron fist inside the velvet glove.

It took only a little while longer to realise that the book is NOT about emotional intelligence, either in practice or as the title of a specific branch of psychology, as described by Mayer and Salovey, Goleman, Bar-On, et al.

But it was only when I got about halfway through the book that I realised just where it was coming from.
I quote from a section ironically headed "Standing Firm":

' "I was at a dinner party the other day when an elderly man started making racial jokes," says Gene. "A few months ago I would have thought that I had two choices: Do something about it or like it. But this time I realized a third choice was right in this particular case: dislike the behaviour without making a stink over it. I didn't *have* to try to change the man, and I didn't have to worry about how my inaction looked to anyone." '
(page 116)

So does the book point out that "Gene" had the option to speak out/"stand firm" against racism without having to go to the extreme of "making a stink"? Does it explain that we can openly and thoughtfully express disagreement over anti-social "behaviour" without having to play psychiatrist with the person concerned?
In fact does it give any guidance at all on how to constructively deal with a touchy situation like the one Gene encountered?

You might expect so, in a book that ALLEGEDLY teaches people how to develop emotional intelligence. But you'd be wrong. On the contrary, all we get is support for Gene's inaction:

"When a decision *feels* right, it *is* right. Don't think you have to justify it."
(page 116, emphasis as in the book)

Well, here's a couple of quotes from people who had a somewhat different point of view:

"It is necessary only for the good man to do nothing for evil to triumph."
Edmund Burke (1729-1797)

"He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it."
Martin Luther King (1929-1968)

I guess it depends on whether you agree with "Gene" or with Edmund Burke and Martin Luther King, as to whether you choose the kind of ersatz "emotional intelligence" on offer in this book.

This book is NOT about emotional intelligence- it is about learning to get in touch with your bodily feelings. The author confuses intelligence with learned skills. You can't raise your IQ nor your EQ but you can improve your maths skills and your self-control and interpersonal skills- none of which she addresses. I was so disappointed and truly want to ask Amazon to refund my money!

Jeanne Segal is a pioneer in the field of personal responsibility. In a day and age where the victim mentality runs rampant, Dr. Segal injects a breath of fresh air with focus on what lies within us, not around us. For decades humans have based their existence on our supposed higher intelligence. Jeanne Segal peels back the layers of our individual actions and there we stand- with immense inner knowing and purpose. Then there are no more excuses for not acting on our purpose, creating a life that is totally full of integrity and meaning. Dr. Segal guides us to the most powerful person in the world. That true, faithful, incredible inner human aching to play the world game. As a talk show host on radio, I converse with the top movers and shakers in the area of empowerment. Dr. Jeanne Segal is at the top of the list for uncovering what we all know, but have forgotten, given up on and declined. That we matter, our voice counts and the unseen guide that is within, already knows what to do, when to do it and where. She is a master willing to gently remind the masses of their inherent greatness. Do not miss the gift this books truly is.

An excellent book! After having gone through emotional trauma myself this book has helped me understand my feelings better. It showed me a way to work with my emotions rather than fighting or trying to suppress them. I found the easy to follow exercises very effective.I say this book is a MUST READ.

This is a practical guide for getting the most out of life. There are carefully designed exercises to lead you to improve your emotional intelligence. This is a must-have guide for teachers, social workers, medical professionals and coaches.