Customer Reviews

ReChurch: Healing Your Way Back to the People of God

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"[Jesus] loves his bride. Go figure. She's a mess in my view, but he's crazy about her and won't put up with me either speaking ill of her or pulling away from her if I am going to be intimate with him... The fact is that if you are going to love Jesus, you're going to have to make nice with his wife."

When I saw ReChurch: Healing Your Way Back to the People of God, I knew it was a book I needed to read personally. As the wife of a pastor, I don't have the option of leaving physically when things get tough but sometimes leaving mentally and emotionally can be just as bad. Or worse. Can I be that honest with you? I have never given up on serving God but there are days I want to give up on his people- myself included. Myself more often than not. If that has ever described you, you need to read this book.

Stephen Mansfield has not written a book that will prompt you to rant and rave about what those church people have done or how everyone's just a hypocrite or how bad you have it and how much "those people" have done to hurt you. Instead, he quickly shares his own journey through the pain of being hurt by those from whom you least expect it (without giving details or bashing those from his past) and then the rough road back to healing. I say rough road because he doesn't focus on what everyone else has done or continues to do, but he focuses on you. He focuses on me. He leads us to look at ourselves, to look at our beliefs, to look at the truth of the situation, and to view the church as God does. He gives a wonderful illustration about how we hold onto our bitterness, one that will stay with me for a long time to come.

He writes from the perspective of a man who was formerly a pastor and continues in a different type of ministry now. Not everything was applicable to me or my situation but there was plenty there that was, and it hit hard. As in "hurts so good" hard. There is no lack of grace here though, or belittling of the pain some have experienced at the hands of good Christian people. This is not a "just get over it" type of book. I appreciated this, as well as the practicality of his message. He doesn't just show you why you need to change your thinking and your heart, but follows it up with practical exercises to help you not just read but DO. I read this rather quickly and want to go back through, taking time for the exercises which pertain to me.

I plan to recommend this highly to my friends who also work in full time ministry. I believe it could be a huge help, life changing even, for any one who is still bearing wounds from the church body in which they had hoped to find safety and rest. I finished the book with a truer understanding of the church and a better understanding of myself. I finished the book with truths planted firmly in my heart that will hopefully take root and help "restore the joy of my salvation". I finished the book with hope.

Have you been wounded by the mean girl at church? Has the Pastor alienated you or your family? Have the teens in your church rejected your teen and now the entire family has dropped out of church? Are you afraid to get involved in a new church for fear of being hurt AGAIN? Then the book ReChurch: Healing Your Way Back To the People Of God is for you!

The New Testament name for the church is ekklesia meaning "the called out ones" -a people drawn from darkness to God and to one another. "To be a part of a church, when it is right and good, is to plug into a loving power grid of possibilities and meaning and joy."pg.42

I think one reason it hurts terribly bad to be hurt by a Christian is that church is the one place where you expect to be safe from harm. But Mansfield says "To be surprised that human nature would rear its ugly head - in the very place where it is under the greatest pressure to change, where the stakes are high and the devil strikes hard - is simply biblical ignorance and a failure to live in any sort of connection to the real world."

He reminds the reader that those we meet at church and in homes for cell groups bear the image of God but also the scars of evil. We must not gloss over our world and believe that Christians are perfect or we will suffer in our naivete.

We all dream of that day of reckoning when those who wronged us come forward and say they were wrong and we were right. But the reality is people move on. People forget. And we are left to pick up the pieces. Mansfield says "Much that distinguishes maturity form immaturity - and happiness from misery - is how you respond to the offenses that life insists on dealing out to us all."pg. 89

What does it take to heal and reconnect with the church? Forgiveness. This was my favorite section of the book so I'll sum up what I learned from pages 102 to 108.

Forgiveness in the Greek has 3 meanings:

1. Aphiemi means to send away or to set free. On the day of atonement a scapegoat was chosen and carried to a solitary place and released into the desert, carrying with it all the sins of the people. Jesus is our scapegoat. To forgive is to place the sins and wrongs done to us on Jesus and send those sins away. The hurt needs somewhere to go and we won't feel differently about the person who wronged us until we place that hurt somewhere else - that is on Jesus.

2. Alphesis means to release, as from prison. We need to release those who have wronged us from the prison of our mind. We hold them there in captivity judging them time and again - growing angrier by the day. We rehearse what we'd say to them if we could and how we'd explain ourselves. But to forgive is to release them from this prison we hold them in.

3. Charisomai means to bestow a favor or extend mercy. Often we assume that those who hurt us were intentional. The key to forgiveness is to find the compassionate narrative behind their hurtful actions. We must enter the story of those who have wronged us to see why they behaved the way they did. After entering their story, we are more likely to extend mercy and forgiveness.

Do not give up on the body of believers we call the church. Darkness presses at the edge of light. We must overcome the darkness and cling to the light. If you are in a place of struggling to overcome past pain and hurt, this book may be what you need to help you through. Mansfield's real life pain, trials, rejection and finally triumphs will soothe your weary soul.

Walk with the King!

Courtney

[...]

If you are or have been an involved member in a church, you most likely have experienced "church hurt." Undoubtedly, you put your tail between your legs and left or you "fought the [not] good fight" and made the situation worse. Whatever your story, ReChurch by Stephen Mansfield provides a way out from the hurt and bitterness in a rather direct, but loving manner. Mansfield, a former victim of "church hurt," provides anecdotes for how he personally recovered from the hurt and details them in a way to help others recover from the same or similar issues. Mansfield does not mince words in his book and I believe this approach is needed to make his points.

Mansfield utilizes Koine Greek translations of Scripture to paint a better picture of what certain words mean. This application and the examples following allow the reader to visualize forgiveness. Mansfield backs up his solutions and statements with stories from the Bible that adds credence to his book. Additionally, Mansfield notes Scripture to remind the reader that we are to act according to God's Word. Inevitably, we are going to face tough circumstances, betrayal, and even "church hurt" [the place where we are programmed to think we are always safe]. Once we accept this truth and that humans are not infallible [yes, even church members], we can move on to the life we are called to live.

The greatest thing about this book in my eyes is that you can take Mansfield's suggestions and directions and apply them to any type of hurt, bitterness, or fragmented relationships in your life. While primarily focused on getting over the "church hurt" and getting back into a church serving, Mansfield does wonders explaining our responsibility for how hurt negatively effects us and our relationship with God. Ultimately, WE decide how to let the hurt or betrayal affect us and our lives. We can "take the bait" and be caught in the "animal trap" of bitterness or we can learn how to forgive in a real and meaningful way that eliminates the negative.

ReChurch is a very liberating book that should be read by anyone trying to get over the forgiveness hump or "church hurt." As Mansfield points out, "You have a destiny, but your destiny is fulfilled by investing in the destinies of others." This adequately summarizes every point that Mansfield makes in ReChurch. Ultimately, we are gifted by God and called to fulfill a purpose much greater than sulking in our hurt.

I would like to thank Tyndale House Publishers for a complimentary copy of this book. All opinions are my own and I was not required to write a positive review.

George Barna sets the stage in the foreword by diagnosing the problem: ecclesia exitus. This, he explains, is "the Latin term for church dropout" (ix). Then Barna cites a staggering statistic: "[N]early four out of every ten unchurched people (37 percent) in the United States avoid church because of bad experiences in a church or in relation to church people" (xii).

In this book Stephen Mansfield sets out to bring people back to church. He is concerned that "[S]ome of the most gifted and potentially powerful Christians I know are right now at a Starbucks or at a bar somewhere griping about the church, too tainted by grief and bitterness to be any use to anyone" (12). The growing number of people who "Like Jesus but Not the Church" has theological implications, too. Mansfield insists, "To think that we are entitled to love God and hate his people is sin" (15).

Diving in, he pins the problem (at least in these cases) on our forgetfulness of human nature. He says, "In our sentimentality about our church and those we love in it, we forget to stand guard against the natural failings of humanity" (45). Contrasting physical pain and emotional pain, he insists, "If we sit on a sharp object, the pain stops when jump up. When we are hurt emotionally, though, we carry the torment with us as we go" (66).

Moving forward, Mansfield walks the reader through forgiving the person(s) who caused the hurt. That process begins with identifying the positives and expressing gratitude for those things (107). His view about the origin of the negatives, however, teeters and totters between God's ordained plan and Satan's strategically placed traps. Maybe he is able to hold those two conflicting concepts together, but it's certainly an issue that deserves further clarification (especially because he builds much of his case on God's having predestined the hurtful events in question).

When it comes to heading back to church, he offers his advice: "Don't make your choice based on the Wow Factor or the Entertainment Factor or matters of personal charm and style. Choose instead after having listened and experienced for a while, based on whether or not the leadership team of this church will be able to coach you to your destiny and toward your place in the body of Christ" (153).

This book seems to be an exposition of the process of forgiveness and restoration, which is then applied to a person's stance toward the church. It offers worthwhile insights if you currently find yourself in a broken and bitter state of mind, or consider yourself "burned" by the church. You won't find all your answers in this work (it's only 170 short pages), but it can at least get you moving in a better direction.

disclosure: I was given a review copy of this book Tyndale. All opinions expressed are my own.

"You are likely reading this book because you believe that you have been hurt by a church or you know someone who has," writes Stephen Mansfield in his introduction to ReChurch: Healing Your Way Back to God.

Mansfield knows this all too well. A former pastor, he suffered a devastating experience with the church he pastored that left him embittered toward that church in particular and the Church in general. But his friends--some godly men who loved him too much to let him stay in that place--helped him heal those wounds. And in ReChurch, Mansfield shares the tough love he received.

Mansfield is a very efficient writer. He doesn't waste a lot of time coddling readers and making sure everyone's feeling okay. That's not to say that he's insensitive; rather, he is pastorally blunt as he serves as the reader's coach through the healing process.

The first lie he attacks is our feeling of being alone in struggles; that because of what we've experienced, we can't possibly be useful in God's service. "It may be hard for you to believe this. . . . But this is a lie--unless you choose to live small. Unless you choose to give in to the bitterness and the rage. . . . The confirmation of history is that we are not called despite our wounding and betrayal; we are wounded and betrayed because we are called," he writes (p. 39)

Next, he goes after our outlook on others. Have we been hurt because we have an unrealistic expectation of people, Mansfield wonders? "Will you hold the biblical view of humanity up against your situation and see that people did what they did because they are flawed and sinful beings? . . .[W]ill you own that you got all mushy and dreamy-eyed and you forgot what monsters people can be?" (p. 62-63)

Mansfield quite rightly understands that most of our issues with others are because we forget that we are still capable of great evil. Sin is still present and will be until the day we are finally and fully glorified in the presence of Christ. This was a great reminder for me because so often I get frustrated when people act in a way I believe they shouldn't; the problem is, I forget that very often they are acting according to their nature--as rebellious sinners. It's also helpful for me to remember that if I'm frustrated by others behaving in this fashion, should I not also be watching myself?

The next chapter asks readers to honestly evaluate their situation with five questions:

1. Of the things your critics said, what do you now know to be true?

2. How did you try to medicate your wounded soul?

3. Were you clinging to anything that contributed to your church hurt?

4. What did those closest to you do when you went through the fire?

5. During the bruising season, what fed your inspiration and your dreams?

These are hard questions to look at in any situation, regardless of whether it's a "church hurt" or any other situation. What Mansfield advocates in many ways is turning your critics into coaches. Learning from the situation to be transformed by it. "Facing the reality of the painful season when it felt as though you were in a sandstorm with no skin is the key to becoming whole now," he exhorts (p. 84).

Perhaps the most meaningful chapter for me was "The Throne Room of Your Mind." In this chapter, Mansfield pushes readers to look at what they're honestly doing in their lives. Are they setting up their hurt, and sometimes their self-righteousness, as an idol? Are they worshipping that over the true God? And can we actually afford not to forgive? This was particularly convicting as I have a tendency to not want to forgive. To hang on to and hold that issue over the offender. To as one author puts it, become an offense, rather than simply being offended.

In other words, I'm terribly self-righteous in my anger.

The last two chapters deal with wholeness and reconcilliation. Mansfield gives readers a glimpse into a larger reality, suggesting to us that perhaps the hurts we've experienced haven't been random accidents. Rather they have been events ordained by God to grow us in holiness. To trust that He will redeem every situation for His glory, and resist the lies that we tell ourselves that prevent us from seeing God's "pure and complete work" in our lives unfold.

ReChurch is a terrific book and honestly not what I expected. Truth be told, I didn't know what to expect. But if you've ever suffered a hurtful experience in the church, at work or in a personal relationship, the principles of Mansfield's book are well worth heeding.

Life is too short to remain bitter forever. God loves His Church. And He wants us all to love the Church, too.

A complimentary copy of this book was provided for review by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

I got an email from Tyndale asking me to review a book, ReChurch by Stephen Mansfield. The description said, "If you've ever attended church you've probably suffered a church hurt.....If you're ready to take the tough path to healing, Mansfield will walk you through it with love and understanding, showing you how you can be better than ever on the other side of the mess....but only if you're willing to ReChurch." I was both skeptical and interested at that description. I have two distinctive church hurt stories. The first happened when I was 17, and it was hard to battle my way through that and find a new church. It took a while. The second happened only a few years ago, and I will be honest with you, I have only returned to church (other than tv church) in the last two months. I've still been dealing with my hurts and my feelings about the people who hurt me. So, when I got this email I thought I would go for it. See what this guy had to say about church hurt.

I am so glad that I did that. This book is amazing!! He starts with a small history lesson, (which is much more interesting than I just made it sound!) showing that being hurt in church is nothing new, it started in the New Testament church and continues to this day. Chapter four is called "Lessons from a Season in Hell", this title convinced me that this man had lived through it! He asks the reader to examine that time, to see what lessons we can learn from it. There are hard truths to be found in that chapter.

He doesn't get to forgiveness until chapter 5, which I think was very intentional. If you are still living in the pain of that hurt, you aren't ready to really do the forgiveness work until you have worked through the previous chapters, but once he gets to forgiveness......he isn't handing out simple platitudes, he means business!! Forgiveness, what it means and how to do it. For me, it was a revolutionary look at something we should all be doing, but often don't know how to start. If you have been hurt in church, or you love someone who has been hurt in church and you want to understand what they are going through and how you might be able to help them, I would suggest this book. In fact, I would suggest the chapter on forgiveness to everyone.

I was not paid by Tyndale for this review, but I did receive a copy of the book for free. The opinions are my own and I was not required to say nice things about this book.

Originally published on my blog [...]

Stephen Mansfield has become well known for writing about the faith of politicians. His books on Bush, Obama, Delay, Palin and Churchhill have sold well and helped Mansfield become a regular on the talk show and speaker circuit. I have not read any of those books, so I cannot speak to them. I did read God and Guinness and thought it was decent. ReChurch is a very different book from all of those.

Stephen Mansfield before he became a writer, speaker and consultant, was a pastor. For ten years he was the pastor of a growing church until a disagreement with church elders left him without a church, job and bitter. He does not give details about the incident, but does talk frankly about the hurt.

I am a pastor's kid. My brother, father, grandfather and a bunch of uncles are (or were) pastors. I am well aquatinted with the hurt that occurs inside the church. Mansfield is not about coddling the hurt person, instead he wants to see them healed and back inside a church. This is not an especially gentle book. But I think on the whole it is a very helpful one.

Churches hurt people. That is part of the human experience of sin. Often the hurt is over little things, sometimes it is over large things. But no matter the cause, once someone has left the church because they have been hurt, it is hard to get over the hurt and get back into church.

One of the important messages is that hurt people are not alone:

"When you think of that great cloud of witnesses that Hebrews 12 describes, you must not think of them as perfect saints who never suffered as we do. Instead you must see them as the flawed and the betrayed and the wounded who simply chose to live above the programming of their pain....The confirmations of history is that we are not called despite our wounding and betrayal; we are wounded and betrayed because we are called."

There are a few theological points where I disagree, but on the whole I think this is a helpful book. Just picking up the book and reading it a good step. Unfortunately, many that are most in need of help getting back into the church, will be those that are least likely to pick it up.

I have heard of Stephen Mansfield for a number of years. He became well known after publishing The Faith of George W. Bush. Although I had never read it I heard quite a great deal about it. On one side I head voices condemn it as propaganda, and a revisionist account of American history. On the other hand people held it up as proof that there was a committed Christian in the White House, which was a good reason to support President Bush. As the years went on Mansfield wrote books many other controversial topics and figures including Pope Benedict XVI, the American soldier, and Barrack Obama. I was surprised and intrigued when I came across Mansfield's new book ReChurch (Tyndale / Barna, 2010). This seemed like a departure from most of the work I had seen by Mansfield, and was finally something I thought I might benefit from taking the time to read.

I deal with a great deal of people who have left the church because of bad experiences they have had with the church. Many of my closest friends are those I used to do ministry with, but now have little desire to have anything to do with the Church. I hoped this book might offer fresh eyes into my ministry, and into my relationships.

I expressed interest in the book to Tyndale Publishing, and they sent me a copy. I cracked open the book and before I even got into the first chapter I knew this book was going to offer fresh eyes, but I wasn't sure it was a perspective I was comfortable with. For a book about church it seemed incredibly focused on the individual, and it took me a while to see why.

Chapter One calls someone who has been hurt by the church to let go of the hurt. It makes it's point primarily through anecdotes and confessions from the author's life. There are a few modern parables and analogies brought in. In the end the first chapter seems to be an attempt demystify the image of the church as the bride of Christ and have the reader understand the conflict they are having as similar to a personal conflict one might have between oneself and the wife (the church) of a close friend (Jesus). I was a little bothered by the lack of Bible and theology in this chapter (only one verse is quoted, and the only other explicit reference to scripture is a somewhat vague reference to Hebrews 12.) This deficiency continues in Chapter Two which consists of brief examples throughout christian history where famous people were hurt by the church. The overall message is suffering is nothing new, though it may feel that way when a person goes through it.

By the time you reach Chapter Three Mansfield's writing style has become clear. He is a story teller. In chapter three, the stories finally become biblical. After extolling God's vision for the church he demonstrates that the early church, much like today was a place of brokenness and hurt. Humanity dwells in the tension of a capacity to do such good, and a propensity toward evil.

Chapter Four marks a decisive turn in the book. At this point Mansfield calls readers to examine times of hurt in terms of what they have gained through this ordeal. He begins to help the hurt to form a story through which they can trace an arch of redemption for themselves. The story is fleshed out in Chapter Five; Mansfield introduces the antagonist. In the story of hurt the reader is retelling in their mind there is an evil force, and that force is the devil. The devil is seeking to trap the person who has been hurt using bitterness. There is also a hero introduced, the Holy Spirit who leads us into compassion and forgiveness. Chapter Six brings the story into the present. The protagonist (you and I) is now faced with the reality that everything is still not peachy keen. Mansfield seeks to give the reader some weapons to continue fighting the fight to complete healing.

As I mentioned at the onset of this review the book is incredibly individual centric. That is because the book is more of a book about contextualizing a personal story then discussing the life of the Church. Chapter Seven reminds the reader that at the heart of any good story the protagonist must be about something larger them himself. This, too, is the way of the church. Mansfield uses the phrase "your destiny is fulfilled by investing in the destinies of others." It is on that note the book ends with a short epilogue that emphasises the hope of restoration in the scripture, and in the church.

I'm not sure how I feel about the book. I have suffered a great many wounds in the church over the years, and much of what was written reflected my own path to forgiveness. The main problem with this book is that it was written to help those who have experienced hurt in the church, and these are the people who are going to be the LEAST interested in picking up a book about it. I suppose that can't be helped. If people hurt by the church are going to find healing it will require individuals to reach out in love. No book on earth can replace the incarnational injunction of the cross. Although it would be a great deal easier if one could.

If you have been burned or otherwise suffered a church hurt and if you like the pain and suffering you've been experiencing don't bother with this particular book.

If on the other hand you want to be whole again and able to rejoin the people of God without looking over your shoulder all the time this book can help you immensely. The author is firm in his approach. Sometimes he comes across a bit more strongly than most of us are used to hearing. Keep going, though. He uses examples from his own experience, which could not have been easy for him, and people from history, some of whom surprised me. Even the "super saints" dealt with the church hurt issues.

Throughout the book the author provides various exercises to work through that pave the way to the following steps and eventually to healing and finally wholeness. I especially appreciated some of the discussion related to forgiveness. I thought he offered some very helpful insights in that area.

The final chapter is one I wished I read a long, long time ago; lots of just plain commonsense information that goes out the window so often when people choose a new church home, me included. Maybe it could be a set of discussion points for a new member's class.

This isn't a book that you can read and set aside. It is one that you can share, though. Please do when you have finished with it.

Tyndale House Publishers has provided me with a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for this review.

This is a "must-read" for any ministry leader/pastor that has "church hurt." Mansfield does not shake his "holier-than-thou" finger at you, he indeed walks as a mentor/life-coach. His approach was very refreshing and lacking in my sphere of influences. I enjoyed his candidness from the very first pages which kept me reading. As I reached the end of chapter 3 - I had what I came for...thank you for brother for your transparency and now onto my destiny in God. Many months ago I pasted a note on my computer stand - God gives us hurdles so we will learn how to jump - and as I concluded chapter 3 I realized I had been running towards those hurdles but could not jump over them and I had no clue as to why. Then it was clear - offense, bitterness and unforgiveness were the weights that were keeping me from making it over the hurdles - God allowed those hurdles to be there and it was my job to drop the weights and JUMP over them - there would be no other way but over - the odd thing was I had jumped those hurdles several times before and yet I didn't recognize them until the end of chapter 3. And God orchestrated things that the very day I ended chapter 3 I was face-to-face with those who I felt hurt me - it was a short lesson and the test followed immediately - and I was genuinely free of offense, bitterness and unforgiveness - there was a newness of the relationships and no need for any apologies - there really was nothing to apologize for. Again, this is a must-read and it gets 5 stars!

Also points from Lessons from a season in hell were awesome and are moving me back into the ministry to God's people - 1) anyone who seeks to make a difference suffers on the way - Who was I to think I might be any different...that was a bombshell that shook me deep inside - I never sought to be heroic, just wanted to be a co-laborer with Christ and produce disciples - to make a difference like others had made in my life - didn't realize people wouldn't always appreciate it. the second - the tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he lives - this was just too unbeareable for me to stay where I was and not get back to the high calling on my life. Lastly, "That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse..." That's the power of this book - it refocused me on the things God wants from me - His return on His investment - I'm renewed, refreshed and reignited to contribute a verse...