Reaching Out: The Guide to Writing a Terrific Dear Birthmother Letter [Paperback]

Nelson Handel (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 15, 2002

The comprehensive guide to creating a Dear Birthmother letter that genuinely expresses who you are. Writing tips, examples, and the insight of leading adoption professionals have made this book both the accepted standard reference within the adoption community and the beginning of thousands of happy families.

Editorial Reviews

Review

Up until now, potential adoptive parents began their domestic adoption process being thrown to the metaphoric wolves. After carefully selecting an adoption professional, they were almost immediately sent forth to battle their own internal demons and return with a calling card a Dear Birthmother letter upon which the success and timeliness of their adoption often rested. For many, the pressure and anxiety is intense when writing about yourself, intimately and truly? Most find this an overwhelming task.

Nelson Handel s new book, Reaching Out: The Guide to Writing a Terrific Dear Birthmother Letter, fills this crucial gap in the educational process for domestic adoptions. It comprehensively details the process of creating a strong and effective outreach letter and it does so in an entertaining, delightful, and pressure-reducing way.

The book begins with an orientation to the birthparent s perspective toward adoption, and proceeds methodically to discuss all the component parts that make up the typical outreach letter. It looks at the various letter forms commonly employed, investigates each subject area thoroughly, and provides plenty of step-by-step techniques for writing and revising (this last is a procedure that should make it much easier for those prospective adoptive parents not accustomed to extensive writing). Throughout, Mr. Handel projects the philosophy that authenticity, honesty, and heartfelt speech give prospective parents the best chance of connecting with like-minded birthparents and thus completing a successful open adoption.

This is the second book most prospective parents should read after whatever adoption process self-education they complete and the first that begins to grapple with their personal experience of the journey to forming an adoptive family. Most will find Mr. Handel s knowledge and approach immensely useful. But the real value of the text perhaps may lay in the positive mental approach to adoption it projects. In the guise of orienting almost parents to the letter-writing task ahead, Reaching Out stealthily challenges and corrects many of the negative preconceptions, stereotypes, fears, and self-consciousness they often bring to the adoption table.

An adoptive parent himself, Mr. Handel also brings his skills as a professional journalist to the task. He shows equanimity in areas where adoption professionals disagree but doesnt shy away from taking stands on certain subjects, from birthmother infantilization to the overuse of exclamation points (dont you just hate that!!) found in many birthmother letters. Overall, he establishes a friendly relationship with the reader, maintains a jovial and supportive tone, and injects a good measure of light humor that keep things moving and makes for an enjoyable read.

Reaching Out accomplishes all it sets out to do, and a good measure more. It should quickly find its way into the established canon of domestic adoption literature, and on to the bookshelves of most adoption professionals.

-reviewed by Carole Lieber Wilkins, M.A., M.F.T. --ASRM Mental Health Professionals Journal

Composing a Dear Birthmother letter was the hardest writing assignment I've ever faced. Self-administered Pergonal shots seemed less daunting. But my husband and I had reached a crucial point where our goal and our endocrinologistís werenít the same anymore. He wanted a pregnancy; we wanted a child. It was time to move on. So I sat down at my computer and typed: "Dear Birthmother," I felt doomed.

At the time, the only available resources were general guides to open adoption. They were excellent overall, but we needed more handholding for this particular task, more specific examples. Now there is Reaching Out: The Guide to Writing a Terrific Dear Birthmother Letter, by Nelson Handel. Newly published in paperback, this guide is also available as an e-book for the electronically minded.

Handel writes clearly, thoughtfully, and with a sense of humor, gently cajoling prospective adoptive parents away from common errors of wording and tone. With loads of examples and step-by-step instructions, Reaching Out will help you present yourself, your partner, your home, and your hopes in the best possible light. Writing that "Dear Birthmother" letter may never be enjoyable, but with Handel's encouragement and advice, you can give it a good shot.

-by Amy Klatzkin, a contributing editor to Adoptive Families. --Adoptive Families Magazine

About the Author

Nelson Handel is a journalist and media professional whose work has appeared in magazines such as Family Circle, Bon Appétit, Los Angeles Times Magazine, Adoptive Families, This Old House Magazine, Yahoo Internet Life, Los Angeles Magazine, Offspring, Fine Gardening, Troika, and many others. His work has also been heard on NPR's Morning Edition, and on the BBC's World Service.

Mr. Handel has given workshops in Dear Birthmother letter writing at RESOLVE conferences and adoption agencies, and worked as a private consultant to potential adoptive parents who are creating their letter.

A parent by adoption, he lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Elicia, and their son, Charlie.

Product Details

• Paperback: 182 pages
• Publisher: EasternEdge Press (August 15, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0971619824
• ISBN-13: 978-0971619821
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.5 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #810,737 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

21 of 22 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Great title, great book, April 8, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: Reaching Out: The Guide to Writing a Terrific Dear Birthmother Letter (Paperback)

The "reader from San Jose" has unfortunately never read this wonderful and sensitively written book. In the Foreword, the author clearly explains the use of the term "Dear Birthmother Letter" as the common reference term for these very important letters of introduction. He also directly acknowledges that expectant parents are not properly termed "birthparents" until after they make a placement, and speaks supportively of the expectant father's role in adoption decisions.

This is an extraordinarily helpful book, full of authoritative research, clear guidance, warm humor, and genuine sensitivity to everyone involved in the adoption triad. It was highly recommended to me by both my attorney and my adoption counselor. In the process of helping me write a letter that truly reflected my heart, it also dispelled many of the fears I had, born of misconception. To judge it without reading it does this book, and the adoption community, a grave disservice.

15 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Insightful, Entertaining and Informative, August 12, 2003

By 

Sheri Cohen (Los Angeles, California United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Reaching Out: The Guide to Writing a Terrific Dear Birthmother Letter (Paperback)

As an adoption professional, I recommend this book to all of my clients. The author turns the daunting task of drafting an outreach letter into a manageable and enjoyable process. Written with insight, sensitivity and humor, the book guides you from initial idea to final product -- an outreach letter that speaks honestly and compellingly to potential birthmothers.

13 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Witty, practical, warm, and honest, October 9, 2002

By 

JKing (CA United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Reaching Out: The Guide to Writing a Terrific Dear Birthmother Letter (Paperback)

Anyone who is daunted by the task of writing a Dear Birthmother letter should read this book. Recommended by a friend, I picked it up and couldn't put it down. I found it witty, practical, warm and honest. Loved it. (In fact, I am having to restrain myself from using "!!".) My husband is now reading it and laughs out loud. What seemed an overwhelming task now looks like fun. Here's to the journey...