Real Boys : Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood (Paperback)

~ William Pollack (Author), Mary Pipher (Foreword) "Adam is a fourteen-year-old boy whose mother sought me out after workshop I was leading on the subject of boys and families..." (more)
Key Phrases: boy code, gender straitjacket, many adolescent boys, United States, African American, Department of Education (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Listening to the author William Pollack read Real Boys, it doesn't take long to find out that being a boy these days isn't all fun and games. As codirector of the Center for Men at McLean Hospital/Harvard Medical Center, Pollack has seen behind the stoic masks of troubled, modern boys as they struggle to cope with the mixed messages, conflicting expectations, and increasingly complex demands they receive from our evolving society. "New research shows that boys are faring less well ... that many boys have remarkably fragile self-esteem, and that the rates of both depression and suicide in boys are frighteningly on the rise."

What are parents to do? They could start by listening to the author's thoughts on contemporary child-rearing techniques, analysis of the root causes of many male behavior problems, and recommendations for avoiding all-too-common pitfalls. In Real Boys, Pollack draws upon nearly two decades of research to support his theories and makes an impressive assault on the popular myths surrounding the conventional definition of masculinity.

While listening to Real Boys, it is important to remember that Pollack is a psychologist, not a professional narrator. His enunciation is less than perfect and his reading sometimes strikes a clinical tone, but his intelligent writing and the obvious concern he holds for this important subject help carry a passionate message and compensate for any vocal shortcomings. (Running time: three hours, two cassettes) --George Laney --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Publishers Weekly

In a lucidly written primer for parents, Harvard Medical School psychiatry professor Pollack dismantles what he terms "the Boy Code"?society's image of boys as tough, cool, rambunctious and obsessed with sports, cars and sex. These stereotypes, he argues, thwart creativity and originality in boys. Linking clinical insights to practical suggestions, Pollack advises caregivers how to help boys repair their fragile self-esteem, develop empathy and explore their sensitive sides. Drawing on his clinical experience as well as an ongoing Harvard research project, he offers advice on "attention deficit disorder"? which, he maintains, is often a misdiagnosis for normal high-energy behavior? recognizing signs of depression, discouraging violence and helping boys cope with their parents' divorce. In discussing homosexuality, he notes that many of the assumptions of the psychiatric profession have been shown to be incorrect, such as that homosexuality was abnormal, a psychological disorder. Pollack's glorification of sports as an arena for self-transformation and emotional openness is counterbalanced by his recognition that athletics often encourages brutal competitiveness. His proposal that schools adopt curricula "on traditionally 'male' and 'female' topics" to spark separately the interests of boys and girls seems at odds with his own imperative to break through gender stereotypes. On balance, though, his manual is enlightening and stimulating. Author tour.
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 476 pages
• Publisher: Owl Books; 8th ptg edition (April 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0805061835
• ISBN-13: 978-0805061833
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.5 x 1.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (119 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #10,523 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

53 of 57 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An eye-opener for all teachers and parents!, May 17, 1999

By A Customer

As the mother of a new baby boy and an elementary school teacher I found this book to be fascinating. Worrying about how to encourage our young boys to express their emotions without being ostracized by their peers is a delicate balancing act. While most of the book deals with school age boys/teenagers I found it most helpful as a teacher. It is the kind of book that made me think, "Yes, I've done that", or "That must have been what Joey was thinking when he did that." Pollack explains nicely the way we, as adults (and especially women) expect men to be sensitive and emotionally in touch but we discourage this behavior in young boys by shaming them for tears or encouraging them to "tough it out". The book provides real case studies from Pollack's work to illustrate how his ideas play out in real life. As a mother I don't have to worry about much of this for a while, but as a teacher I have already begun to rethink things I do and say to my fourth graders every day. A great read!

37 of 39 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars An excellent read, June 11, 2000

By A Customer

I'm a guy who works with teenagers and I found this book extremely interesting and useful. I found much of what I've learned about boys through my own experience to be closely reflected in Pollack's book. Over and over the boys the author talks about reminded me of boys I've worked with, and I feel that Pollack's insights have really helped me gain a better understanding of the reasons behind some of the behaviors I have observed in boys.

I especially liked the "mix" of sound research and practical advice. The book has the depth that a foremost clinical psychologist can provide, but at the same time it's not overly theoretical. There are lots of practical suggestions that I know will help me do a better job working with boys.

I can't quite give the book five stars for two main reasons: First, the book is sometimes a little verbose and repetitive; second, while the first several chapters are a very easy and fascinating read, I found the later chapters a little "flatter" (again, more repetition than new insights). Nonetheless, I really think that many teachers, coaches, and mentors (besides parents, of course) could benefit greatly from reading this book. Strongly recommended.

48 of 52 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Before you trash it, consider this..., December 27, 2001

By	"wackyz_2000" (Minneapolis, Minnesota United States) - See all my reviews

There have been a number of complaints about this book ranging from thoughtful to narrow-minded and ridiculuous. Among the top three criticisms are: (1) it is based on vague "research" by the author (2) it is repetitive, and (my favorite) (3) it suggests that parents raise boys as effeminate or as "girls".

First of all, many of the people who reviewed this book complained that it was written in a clinical jargon, that at times, made it unavailable to the casual reader. In the same breath, these readers demand that scientific citations be presented every time Pollack begins a sentence with "My research shows". In essence, they are demanding scientific text devoid of scientific terminology. It's in the back, look it up. Furthermore, Pollack is a Ph.d in Psychology, and as such, probably does his research empirically. It is unlikely that he would publish phony results for all of his scientific peers to see and criticize if such results had no grounding in reality or even a kernel of truth to them.
I also feel that Pollack's seemigly repetitive writing style was a necessary ingredient in this book. He is not merely cudgeling us with case study after case study to make us cry, or to fill 400 pages. Rather, he is emphasizing the fact that the problems discussed in the text are problems for a great many boys and not just a few isolated incidences. A few depressed individuals is not news; an epidemic is. He is suggesting an epidemic.
Some individuals also stated that this book is based on common sense, such as don't call your son a "sissy" etc. If it is common sense, why is it still a problem? People need to be made aware of this growing epidemic and that many boys still recieve this treatment, despite it being common sense that they should not be raised that way.
Finally, there is the claim that Pollack is preaching that parents raise their boys as "girls" or to be "effeminate". This criticism is so ridiculous that it is almost unworthy of a rebuttle. These individuals are unable to imagine a nominal area between extremes; they are only able to see in black and white. Pollack is hardly suggesting that boys should cry every time they get a paper-cut in order to be in touch with their feelings. Rather, he confronts the fact that boys have been conditioned to hold in their deepest fears and anxieties; things that really damage a boy's sense of well-being if he is unable to express or work through them in any way. This is a completely different concept from teaching a boy to be a girl; it is encouraging the boy to be a human being.
It is true that this is not an "end-all-be-all" book about boys in the context of modern society. However, it is an important step forward in acknowledging the existence of a developing problem worthy of our consideration.