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Real Boys' Voices [Hardcover]

William Pollack (Author), Todd Shuster (Author)
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (16 customer reviews)


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Book Description

June 6, 2000

"In my travels throughout this country, I have discovered a glaring truth: America's boys are absolutely desperate to talk about their lives," says Dr. William Pollack, author of the bestseller Real Boys. Now, in Real Boys' Voices, Pollack lets us hear what boys today are saying, even as he explores ways to get them to talk more openly with us. "Boys long to talk about the things that are hurting them—their harassment from other boys, their troubled relationships with their fathers, their embarrassment around girls and confusion about sex, their disconnection from and love for their parents, the violence that haunts them at school and on the street, their constant fear that they might not be as masculine as other boys." In Real Boys' Voices we hear, verbatim, what boys from big cities and small towns, including Littleton, Colorado, have to say about violence, drugs, sports, school, parents, love, anger, body image, becoming a man, and much, much more.
        
Real Boys' Voices takes us into the daily worlds of boys not only to show how society's outdated expectations force them to mask many of their true emotions, but also to let us hear how boys themselves describe their isolation, depression, longing, love, and hope. How can you get behind the mask of masculinity many boys wear? How can you tell whether a "bad boy" is actually a "sad boy"—and how do you spot the danger signals of depression? How can you grow closer to the boy you love? Pollack explores how to create safe spaces and engage in "action talk," how to listen so a boy will speak the truth about, and be, himself. In the real boys' voices here, boys speak eloquently and truthfully about such topics as shame, bullying and teasing, the pressure to fit in, addictions, how they see the lives of the men they know, the importance of their mothers and fathers, their own spiritual and creative experiences, friendships with other boys and with girls, being gay, and coping with divorce and other losses, including the death of a friend or parent. We also hear what boys from Columbine High School and other places say about fear and violence in their lives. Full of insights from and about young and adolescent boys, William Pollack's Real Boys' Voices is an important, illuminating, and invaluable book, for boys themselves and for all the people in their lives.


From Real Boys' Voices

"        Boys are supposed to shut up and take it, to keep it all in."
        —Scotty, from a small town in New England

"        What I hate about this school is that I am being picked on in the halls and just about everywhere else."
        —Cody, from a suburb in New England

"        Sometimes people say there are two me's, like I have a dual personality. . . . The public persona is not really who I am. It's a tool . . . to be who everyone wants me to be." —Raphael, from a city in the West

"        If you see [abuse] coming, just walk out of the room or walk out of the house or go somewhere, go to a friend's house, go for a walk, take your dog for a run, whatever. Just try to get away from that situation before it actually explodes." —Paul, from a suburb in the West

"        Maybe a couple of times I used to bully some kids. I haven't bullied anyone since the shooting. I try to be nicer to people even if I don't like them." —John, from Littleton, Colorado


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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

In his groundbreaking bestseller, Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood, Dr. William Pollack delved into the issues that today's boys face, from violence to the limiting notion that boys don't cry. In his follow-up book, Real Boys' Voices, Pollack, a clinical psychologist and assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, lets readers get close to his source--the boys themselves, ages 10 to 20, from all around the country. The voices he presents are searingly authentic and eager to be heard. Pollack's basic premise is simple: Despite what society might tell us, boys want to talk. Furthermore, they have a lot to say on a wide variety of topics, including gender issues, friendship, sex, fear of violence, and relationships with their mothers and fathers.

The first and longest section of the book, "The Secret Emotional Lives of Boys," is the most powerful. Boys talk about homophobia--their secret terror that they might be called gay--and of the double life many say they lead: strong and brave on the outside, yet full of worries and angst on the inside. With violence all around them, many boys fear becoming violent themselves. They also describe the intense pressure they feel to lose their virginity and the conflicting feelings they have about sex. "Your virginity is what determines whether you're a man or a boy in the eyes of every teenage male," muses one thoughtful boy, who adds, "It is almost inconceivable to think that your virginity, your one and only innocence, could be your worst enemy." Throughout his book, Pollack offers helpful and concrete suggestions for parents to help their boys lead better lives, including tips on how to deal with bullying behavior and how to recognize signs of depression. While this advice is useful, the true power of this book lies in those very real voices. This is a must-read for parents and for anyone who wants insight into the minds of today's boys. --Virginia Smyth

From Publishers Weekly

Drawing on interviews with young men across the country, Harvard clinical psychologist Pollack presents a candid, troubling and occasionally humorous snapshot of contemporary American boyhood in this follow-up and companion to his bestselling Real Boys. Contextualizing young men's comments on their loneliness, depression, fear, anger and frustration, as well as their hopes and joys, within his broader research, Pollack illustrates what he views as the straitjacket of the "Boy Code." This false machismo is perpetuated, he says, by our country's "oppressive boyhood culture," a plague of homophobia and what he calls the "major national crisis" of suicide (which has tripled since 1970 for adolescent boys ages 15-19). Thematic chapters cover such topics as friendship, sex, spirituality and renewal, parents, divorce, sports, violence and more. In one of the most deeply disturbing and moving chapters, Pollack talks to boys in Littleton, Colo., many of them survivors of the Columbine High School massacre. Yet his message is hopeful: the conditions are right, he believes, "to give America's boys complete emotional freedom, to offer them the deep human understanding they desire and so richly deserve." To this end, he outlines a 15-step program for mentoring boys and redefining boyhood, from creating safe, "shame-free" havens where they can open up to those who care about them, to bully-proofing neighborhoods and schools and encouraging creative expression and spiritual connections. Practical and forceful, this is an important contribution to the growing body of commentary on helping boys navigate the rocky road to manhood. Agent, Lane Zachary; 13-city tour. (July)
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 432 pages
  • Publisher: Random House; 1 edition (June 6, 2000)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0679462996
  • ISBN-13: 978-0679462996
  • Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.4 x 1.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.6 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (16 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,031,658 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

16 Reviews
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Average Customer Review
4.4 out of 5 stars (16 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

62 of 62 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars The Males In Your Life Are Owed The Reading Of This Book, June 10, 2000
This review is from: Real Boys' Voices (Hardcover)
A great, brand new 224 page book that is a real eye opener regarding the males in everyone's life. Psychologist Bill Pollack spent much time and effort interviewing boys and young men all across the country to get them to open up about all of the important things in their lives. Topics range from drugs, sex, sports, violence, ambition, school, parents, girls, pressures, addictions, how they see the lives of the men they know, importance of their parents, spirituality, friendships, being gay, coping with divorce and other losses, and death. WOW ! The authors found that the boys were anxious to talk about their experiences, but needed someone to listen to them. The reader will learn the confusions and fears of the boys, and what haunts them at home, school, work, and play. You'll learn how to get the boys to talk. This alone is worth the price of the book and the reading time. The tremendous pressures put on boys is explored. Many boys are crying out to be heard and understood, but the listeners are lacking, and they're afraid to open up. Readers will have a much better understanding of ALL of their male relatives, contacts and associates (not just young boys). Well worth reading. It can help you understand what goes on in the minds of all of the men around you, and improve your relationships with them.
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52 of 53 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars My Life in Book Form, June 11, 2000
By A Customer
This review is from: Real Boys' Voices (Hardcover)
This book touched me in a way I never thought a book could. As a 15 year-old unathletic boy, I thought that I was alone in feeling the things I felt (and feel). Yesterday I found this book by accident, and I could not put it down. I read the entire thing last night, and I cried. In this country, boys and men are not supposed to show any kind of emotion, talk about their feelings, least of all cry. This is a serious problem that is leading to the stereotype that men are incapable of talking and are emotionless. This is NOT true. This pressure to bottle up our emotions drives us to suicide, drug abuse, drinking, and homocide. This pressure is killing us. And, finally, someone has had the courage to go around the country, listening, in an effort to defeat this horrible stereotype, which he calls the "Boy Code." Dr. Pollack, I commend you, and I urge you to keep fighting for us; we really need help.
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37 of 37 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Testimonies to augment theories, February 2, 2004
By 
Paul C. Edgerton (Wilson, NC United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Real Boys' Voices (Paperback)
This is a jarring and eye-opening collection of voices often unheard in our culture. It is highly recommended that this book NOT be read until one has looked at his first REAL BOYS offering. The first work povides the theorectcal context within which these testimonies are most powerful. This is valuable reading not only for counselors and parents, but for pastors, teachers, and all who work with or care about boys and their lives.
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Inside This Book (learn more)
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First Sentence:
AS I LISTEN TO BOYS ACROSS AMERICA, I AM STRUCK BY the depth, compassion, and cry of their voices. Read the first page
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
gender straitjacket, cutting weight, many bullies, real boys
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
New England, Boy Code, New York City, Andrew Fraser, Columbine High School, Sean Graves, United States, Jesus Christ, John Bujaci
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Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
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Real Boys by William S. Pollack
 


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