Customer Reviews


33 Reviews
5 star:
 (26)
4 star:
 (3)
3 star:    (0)
2 star:
 (2)
1 star:
 (2)
 
 
 
 
 
Average Customer Review
Share your thoughts with other customers
Create your own review
 
 

The most helpful favorable review
The most helpful critical review


27 of 33 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars "Letting the other chap have it your way."
One evening long ago while I was in Washington, a friend there invited me to accompany him to a reception at the British Embassy and during a conversation with one of the deputies, I asked him to define diplomacy. He replied, "Letting the other chap have it your way." I remembered that observation as I began to read this book. The subtitle of Mark Goulston and John...
Published on December 22, 2012 by Robert Morris

versus
27 of 34 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Unsophisticated, uncomplicated, straightforward, unpretentious, and accessible
Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

People like stories--case studies, as it were--and if you enjoy them as well, you will like this book, because it consists of one story after another. It is important to note, however, that although stories may be compelling, they are strictly anecdotes and do not comprise evidence, research, or any kind of proof...
Published 24 months ago by rlweaverii


‹ Previous | 1 2 3 4 | Next ›
Most Helpful First | Newest First

27 of 33 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars "Letting the other chap have it your way.", December 22, 2012
This review is from: Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In (Hardcover)
One evening long ago while I was in Washington, a friend there invited me to accompany him to a reception at the British Embassy and during a conversation with one of the deputies, I asked him to define diplomacy. He replied, "Letting the other chap have it your way." I remembered that observation as I began to read this book. The subtitle of Mark Goulston and John Ullman's book is "persuade without pushing - gain without giving in."

They carefully organize their material within seven "Sections" and devote a separate section to each of step of model (Sections 2-15, Chapters 4-15) for "becoming wildly successful by being both influential and `influenceable'" and if not "wildly successful," each reader will at least become far more effective when attempting to influence others or evaluating others' efforts to influence them. The fifth of Stephen Covey's seven habits of highly effective people is, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." In all relationships between and among people, the importance of effective [begin italics] listening [end italics] cannot be exaggerated.

There are four mini-case studies provided in Section 7: The Fuzzy Pet Foundation, Stanford Hospital and Clinics, Heartfelt Leadership's Recoupling Therapy (Mark Goulston), and BNI (Ivan Misner). Here are other passages of also interest and value to me, listed to suggest the range of subjects that Goulston and Ullmen explore with rigor and eloquence:

o The "Blind Spot" in Our Brains (Pages 10-14)
o The Habit Handicap (22-24)
o The Double Curse of Knowledge (28-31)
o The Connected Influence Model (39)
o Building Relationships the Zappos Way (71-72)
o Ray Charles' Final Recording (84-88)
o Four-Level Listening (91-96)
o Turning an Angry Mob into an Appreciative Audience (124-128)
o The Seven Dwarfs Strategy (136-138)
o The Seven Most Important Words and Phrases for Engaging Across Cultures (145-149)
o Adding Emotional Value (174-178)
o Adding Practical Value (178-182)
o Bringing a Secret Out in the Open (194-198)
o Helping Others Find Their Great Outcomes (205-207)
o Bunt Signs (211-212)

Goulston and Ullmen make skillful use of several reader-friendly devices, notably dozens of mini-commentaries and boxed summaries of key points inserted throughout their narrative as well as quotations cited as a head note to introduce each chapter and then "Usable Insights" and "Action Steps" at the conclusion of Chapters 4-19.

No brief commentary such as mine can possibly do full justice to the scope of material in Real Influence but I hope that I have at least suggested why I think so highly of this volume. Also, I hope that those who read this commentary will be better prepared to determine whether or not they wish to read the book and, in that event, will have at least some idea of how the information, insights, and counsel that Mark Goulston and John Ullmen provide can be of significant value to them and also, I hope, to their organization.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


14 of 16 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Connecting and influencing for the long term, December 27, 2012
By 
John Gibbs (Melbourne, Australia) - See all my reviews
(TOP 1000 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In (Hardcover)
Most books and courses that teach persuasion skills advocate manipulative and "pushy" techniques which involve disconnected influence, according to Mark Goulston and John Ullmen in this book. Disconnected influence might provide short-term gains, but it prevents the formation of long-term relationships. The old rules of persuasion no longer work; success now requires connected influence.

The core principles of the connected influence philosophy are described as:

* It's about building a network of people who want to help and support you, rather than leaving behind a list of people who feel disconnected and used
* It's about making the journey from your "here" to their "there" so you can understand, learn from, engage, and add to other people's point of view
* It's about identifying outcomes worthy of the people you want to connect with
* It's about being open and transparent about what you're doing, rather than concealing tactics and techniques
* It's about easing the ache inside sceptical and even cynical people so they can trust safely

Before starting the book I was worried that it might turn out to be another one of those social media books that pushes the importance of maximising your followers by spending hours each day polishing your digital persona to give it a superficial gleam of celebrity. Fortunately my fears proved completely unfounded. The actions which the authors recommend seem quite consistent with the good old-fashioned values of integrity, trustworthiness, generosity and service.

The authors recommend a four-step approach to connecting and influencing. The first step involves choosing a great outcome that you can inspire people towards. The second step is to listen and learn and in particular to be willing to discover where you have been wrong. The third step is to engage people from within their own frame of reference, rather than expecting them to see things from your frame of reference. The fourth step is to do more than is required to ensure that other people's great outcomes happen, leaving them awestruck by your generosity.

The book is filled with really interesting stories, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


17 of 20 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Tools for overcoming the self-centered, December 31, 2012
This review is from: Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In (Hardcover)
Mark Goulston and John Ullmen have collaborated by bringing their considerable expertise and depth of experience to bear on one of our most pressing real-life challenges today, rising above the self-indulgent and self-serving behaviors of others in every business, government level, professional athletic organization and more. The challenge of how to wield influence toward positive, long-term ends has seldom been more important.

By describing several accounts which were formulated by having conducted extensive interviews, Goulston and Ullmen provide us readers with cogent examples, tips and techniques for reaching agreement. Their work is an easy-to-read, easy-to-grasp and easy-to-apply compendium of successful ways to accomplish one's personal or organizational goals in a positive manner.

I identified with several of their mini-cases, including the one about Stanford. Several years ago, I served as the chief of news and communications at Stanford University Medical Center--Stanford School of Medicine, Stanford Hospital and Clinics, and Lucile Packard Children's Hospital. I can testify to the outstanding care provided to patients as my nephew was one of countless patients who received superb care by Stanford University physicians. They are among the very best in the world in my judgment.

If there was ever a time when we needed a book of this kind, it is now. There are few relationships, careers or even lives that couldn't be improved by utilizing the authors' viewpoints. I recommend Real Influence without reservation.

Ritch K. Eich, Ph.D, Author
Real Leaders Don't Boss (Career Press) and
Principal, Eich Associated
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


27 of 34 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Unsophisticated, uncomplicated, straightforward, unpretentious, and accessible, February 1, 2013
This review is from: Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In (Hardcover)
Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

People like stories--case studies, as it were--and if you enjoy them as well, you will like this book, because it consists of one story after another. It is important to note, however, that although stories may be compelling, they are strictly anecdotes and do not comprise evidence, research, or any kind of proof. Other than stories, the authors' personal experiences, and the information they gleaned from people they interviewed, there is little else here to convince readers that what they say is truly effective. What makes their ideas and suggestions potentially operative, however, is that most of them are common sense.

There are no footnotes; there is no bibliography; there are no additional resources; and there is no reliance upon what is already known about effective persuasion. That does not mean their ideas and suggestions are nonsense, it just means that readers must depend on the authors' insights, observations, case studies, and personal judgment. If that is sufficient to convince you their ideas are sound, then you will like this book and find the information both interesting and useful.

Basically, their advice boils down to this: to be an effective persuader requires that you be audience/listener centered. If you are sensitive to your audience---your listener(s)---you will be successful. This is good advice, to be sure, but it doesn't require 249 pages of touching--one reviewer used the word "heartwarming"--stories to make the point. (There is an index, but I think the only reason for it is so that all the individuals associated with the stories and case studies scattered liberally throughout the book, can locate what the authors' said about them or their experiences.)

Incidentally, I found the book very easy to read. The case studies are delightful, to be sure. And the whole book is a quick read. But, you are unlikely to find anything new here. I thought Chapter 13, "Do More Before, During, and After" (pp. 157-170), was especially poignant, because it reminded me of my "and then some" philosophy. It was the philosophy that gave birth to And Then Some Publishing, LLC, and most all of the books we publish subscribe to that way of thinking. That approach is underscored, too, in their Chapter 14, "Do More in All Three Value Channels" (pp. 171-182).

This is one of those "arm-chair books." When you have time on your hands and are looking for something to entertain yourself--just simple pleasure reading--this is the kind of book that delivers an unsophisticated treat in an uncomplicated, straightforward, intelligible, and accessible manner. It will not challenge you nor offer any new insights, but, in its own user-friendly, unpretentious, unadorned, and candid way, it will offer an enjoyable, relaxing read. For some people and on some occasions, that's sufficient.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Leading from Within, January 24, 2013
This review is from: Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In (Hardcover)
This is not your ordinary "how to" book on how to make people do what you want them to do. While it does give advice on how to influence, it primarily focuses on the person of the leader, on the leader as a human being rather than a mere "human doing." My lifetime of training leaders and organizational consultants convinces me that leadership is about more than performance or skill. It is fundamentally about who one is willing to be. It is about the qualities of being that one is willing to manifest in order to mobilize people to do the work of the organization for the greater common good. The leader with a tool box is less a leader than a leader with clear intentions who is self-aware, willing to accept coaching, and deeply invested in what is good for others. This book is built on such assumptions. It's a book to meditate on.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


12 of 16 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Not what I expected., January 16, 2013
I felt the book provided too many "heart warming" examples of how important people overcame adversity, or are doing great things. At some points, it was like watching a Hallmark commercial from the 90's. For instance, a woman with cancer is told: "Wherever you go, our souls will be intertwined". A son reads about her orphaned mother struggles at the orphanage because a truck ran her over and the ambulance would not go to her asistance because she lived in a bad neighborhood. A very talented man cannot buy a house because of his skin color.

When I read in the book description that "People won't put up with being "sold" anymore. If they sense they are being pushed, their guard goes up--and even if they do comply, lingering resentment undermines the relationship...maybe forever.", I thought this book would be like "Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone" (which I loved) but more oriented toward business. It was not. It starts with a couple of great examples, but it does deliver on its promise. This is a relationship book and has too much drama on it. I highlighted many sentences on "Just Listen". In this book, the only two parts I found useful were how to deal with emotional people and how to make people Exhale, both in the same chapter, and both covered exhaustively in the former book.

The books Getting It Done: How to Lead When You're Not in Charge, or Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second Edition and the aforementioned Just Listen are more aligned with what I was looking for in this book.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The Path To A Successful Life and Career, January 9, 2013
This review is from: Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In (Hardcover)
Every once in awhile, we should all read a book like this to remember what's really important. Mark Goulston and John Ullmen remind us of the principles of human relations and give us everything we need to know to build and maintain dazzling relationships at home, work and in the community. But they don't offer shortcuts or tricks to make people do what we want. This is not a book about how to manipulate. For most of us, it prescribes a long, difficult journey that starts with recognition of the things we do wrong in our daily encounters with people. Then a deliberate effort to stop doing those things, to listen hard and then to respond completely unselfishly in a genuine effort to help others understand what they want and how to get it, to help them get it and to do so in the expectation of getting nothing in return. After months or years, this approach to relationships becomes habitual, a "way of life" that results in our becoming admired, respected, loved and certainly very influential. Of course, what also happens along the way is we get what we want because others are keen to be with us and work with us. Everyone should read this book!
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Case Studies from Master Influencers, January 20, 2013
This review is from: Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In (Hardcover)
Real Influence is a superb book: you should buy it.

The book defines many practical strategies to generate influence, follows each with case studies of implementation by notable individuals, then finishes with a list of suggested practice points to adopt the habit yourself.

If you have read "Just Listen", Dr. Goulston's prior book, Real Influence takes some familiar ideas and extends and augments them into specific influence strategies.

Probably the most interesting moments were where I recognised in the case studies things I had done myself unintentionally. The book gave me an 'aha' so I can use the techniques intentionally.

None of the content is schlocky 'sales' strategies. You could openly tell clients, bosses, friends, etc. the techniques you are intending to implement, as they are all centered around positive, long term, influence.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Leadership from the inside out, January 25, 2013
By 
John C. McCurdy (San Antonio, TX United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
Too many business books dealing with influence reduce to a series of manipulative parlor tricks. These might work the first time out, but in the end result in resentment and mistrust. The result is never worth the relationship cost. This book, however, deals with how one must first reach a state of visionary clarity (purity?) in one's own mind and then through caring and empathy share that vision with others. That sounds pretty touchy-feely, and it kind of is. However, such an approach is common among the truly influential among us. A former boss of mine, now a senior VP at a Fortune 100 company, used to say, "remember...you need to understand exactly what you want to do. And never forget--everyone just wants to feel loved." That guy was an ex recon Marine.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent! Very helpful indeed! Will satsify even those who had read a lot on this topic, October 17, 2013
This review is from: Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In (Hardcover)
Basically my review title says it all. It's so well written and organized, interwined with entertainingly and memorable stories, particulary that of Jim Clark and Larry Clark of Prudential Insurance in the 60’s. In short, a must read for all! Highly recommended!

p.s. Below please find some of my favorite passages for your reference.
You can use tricks and manipulation to gain short term compliance, but disconnected influence doesn’t earn you the commitment you need to achieve great things. Why? Because “when you’re stuck in your here, you can’t get to their there”. Pg5
You cannot antagonize and influence at the same time. – J. S. Knox pg7
Things do not change. We change. – Henry David Thoreau pg18
The four mistakes you frequently commit in the PUSH state are: P= Pressing your case too much instead of striving to understand your counterpart’s point of view;
U=Understanding alternatives in favor of your present agenda; S= Short term focusing by going for quick self-serving advantage rather than setting the stage for sustained success by building relationships and enhancing your reputation; H= Hassling by turning every discussion into a fight, which tells people that it’s more about your ego than about a commitment to shared goals. Pg20
Leadership is having people follow you not because they have to, but because they want to. – Larry Wilson, organizational consultant pg33
Connected Influence – Influence is about leading others to better results: Viewing other people as collaborators, regardless of whether you disagree with them; Striving to gain sustained commitment; Understanding why others object and resist; Viewing your current actions as a springboard for future relationships, reputation and results. Pg36
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. – Helen Keller pg43
Decisions are temporary. Oftentimes the most important thing is not to be right. We make very few decisions that are so important that the criticality of them being right is so high. We care more about the long term batting averages of our positions. I try to allow other people to win arguments. – David H. Hansson, partner, 37 signals pg75
Every person I work with know something better than me. My job is to listen long enough to find it and use it. – Jack Nichols, artist pg91
Don’t triumph over others; triumph with them. Pg116
In every encounter, ask yourself: Am I getting who this person is? Am I getting this person’s situation? Am I offering options and alternatives that will help this person move forward? Pg133
Any reaction is better than none. – Gavin Rossdale, English musician pg135
After you interact with people, are they better off than they were before they met you? Pg181
Kites rise highest against the wind – not with it. – Winston Churchill pg193
Being humble is not thinking less of yourself, it’s about thinking of yourself less. – Tony Hsieh, CEO, Zappos.com
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


‹ Previous | 1 2 3 4 | Next ›
Most Helpful First | Newest First

Details

Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In
Real Influence: Persuade Without Pushing and Gain Without Giving In by Mark Goulston (Hardcover - January 2, 2013)
$24.95 $19.13
In Stock
Add to cart Add to wishlist
Search these reviews only
Send us feedback How can we make Amazon Customer Reviews better for you? Let us know here.