Customer Reviews

Real Love in Marriage: The Truth About Finding Genuine Happiness Now and Forever

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still reading it but already had my change of heart. Profound. Positive Psychology at it's best!!! Totally worth reading. Probably even over and over again. I have lots of red flags (markings) in there.

This information is long over due. With the understanding of Unconditional Love marriage takes on a completely different purpose.

This is a great book with life changing implications and the methodology to bring them about. Do yourself a favor and apply the principles in this book to all areas of your life. It will save you a lot of grief!

After reading the book, I realized how easy it is to have a good marriage if you know the basic rules and have an understanding of an unconditional love. I would recommend this book to every couple in love and in trouble.

I've read a lot of books on relationships, and this one cuts to the core of what real love is all about.

I bought this book because I saw a video on Dr. Greg Baer's website, [...]. (Find the DVD collection and click on Module One, then watch the few minutes beginning at 18:00 minutes. The next few minutes changed my life in one great flash of insight.)

What's the profound insight? Real love is caring for the happiness of another without expecting anything in return. The anger that arises (from our own expectations) when our partner doesn't do what we want is actually selfish and arrogant. Now, anger can certainly be a healthy emotion if I own it and recognize it as a signal that something needs to change. My anger can be productive I channel it well into working to bring about the necessary changes. But if instead of owning it, I insist on dumping my anger on my partner, then what I'm actually doing is manipulating my partner's behavior by making life unpleasant for them--through the withdrawal of my love--until they change *for me*. What we're really doing is telling our partner, "I'm not getting what I want, and it's all your fault. So I'll make life miserable for you until you give me what I want." In other words, we're paying our partner with our approval in exchange for the servicing of our needs. (The world's oldest profession is an exchange of payment for services rendered, too, which is why that ain't real love either.)

Dr Baer points out very clearly what's wrong with this whole approach of tit-for-tat: it's all conditional. Who feels they're getting real love when they have to pay for it in this way?\

In contrast, it's the very experience of unconditional love that transforms us, and allows us to transform our partners. It's loving out of commitment rather than reaction to how my partner happens to be feeling toward me today.

One thing I love about this whole approach is that it's an extension of God's love for us. This is the essence of being Christlike. "Love your enemies" for God's sake! means to act lovingly toward another regardless of how they act toward you. That gift of dignity and respect is what will lift up the other.

All else is bean counting, not real love.

This book is amazing!!!! Everyone whether married or single would benefit from it inmensely. I felt like it spoke to me on so many levels! I love to read-and I do a lot of it-this is a definite must read and must apply!

I first bought this book just five months after my marriage when I had to leave my abusive husband for the first time. He was an emotional monster and kept saying horrible, horrible things to me. He criticized every tiny thing I did and I walked around feeling down-hearted all the time because he was constantly punching me emotionally. Even if I did something extremely special or nice for him for no reason, he'd find a problem with it. It was awful and painful like being stabbed in the heart when I was giving all of my love to him. We got to the point where he was constantly telling me I needed to change because he didn't like my religion (Christian) my hobbies, my interests, my morals, etc. No one had ever treated me like that before, especially in my previous 8.5 year relationship where I was cherished. Sadly, my husband(who was a musician and wrote dozens of songs about his ex girlfriend that he said he was still in love with) told me he didn't feel that way about me. Even after we were married, he admitted he wasn't ready to cherish me because I wasn't good enough yet. I tried to explain that real love loves unconditionally, but he told me he only loved me when I was in a good mood and didn't like me when I was sad. Of course with a man like that, I was sad ALL the time. When I was sick, he took it personally and said I was selfish. I moved 2500 miles from home to be with him, but when I was homesick on the holidays, he yelled at me and told me I was rude for not being delighted to forget my own family and accept his instead. He used to tell me I was "just" his wife and might be temporary so he couldn't love me unconditionally. All kinds of horrible, horrible things that no decent man would say to his wife. His cruel statements left me boggled and horrified, so I tried to leave him and bought the Real Love book. It really opened my heart, so I went back and tried to give him love even though he couldn't give it to me. I remember one night I walked up and gave him a hug when he had just finished screaming at me for something insignificant. I thought if I just tried harder and harder to love him, something in his heart would melt and he'd stop attacking me. Instead, he recoiled and yelled at me for touching him. It was always constant pain with him. Finally, he read the book and said it helped him. BUT, he still kept telling me I had to change before he could love me. I don't think he got the point. After a few months of telling me I wasn't good enough, he finally bought the "Real Love in Marriage" book and read it. When he finished, he gave it to me and demanded I read it, but I was in the middle of another book and told him I'd finish that one first. He started attacking me for not reading the real love book immediately and told me I wasn't trying and he was doing all the work to save the marriage. (His idea of saving the marriage was insisting I was wrong 99% of the time and it was his job to fix me. He was only kind when I did exactly what he told me to do and accepted that I was lower than dirt.) My jaw dropped (as it usually did when he was saying horrible things.) How could he read a book about accepting and loving people for who they are and then turn around and verbally abuse me for not reading it when he told me to? The irony was lost on him. Now I understand that I was married to someone incapable of love and I am trying hard to speak out against emotional and verbal abuse. I do think this is a great book, but some people are just immune and don't understand real love. I hope some day I meet a real man who doesn't act like that because I do know what real love is!

This book was life changing. I just got done reading it and have started applying the principles. I already have seen changes in myself and felt happier. It is a great book and I want to get the rest of his books now. Even though this is meant for marriage, I would reccomend this to anyone who is looking for real happiness in life and having a hard time with recieving real love or giving it, or both.

I am still reading this book, but I am so happy that I purchased it. It is already changing the way I see my marriage and ability to reflect on my own past. I have read a million self-help books and this might be the first one that has a significant impact on my life...maybe even save my marriage.

Real Love in Marriage is a life changer. My spouse and I bought the audio book only 3 months ago and are still making the Real Love changes suggested by Dr. Baer and seeing an amazing difference within us, our relationship and our family. To me learning about Real Love is learning about how to finally feel the freedom and wholeness we were created to experience and have. This book is teaching us how to really be loved, loving and happy. Real Love in Marriage is truly a guide to the love and happiness we've searched for all of our lives. I just can't express how grateful I am for this book and for the Real Love community and resources available on the Real Love Website at reallove.com. Real Love is doing more for my marriage than therapy ever did.