Real Love: The Truth About Finding Unconditional Love and Fulfilling Relationships [Hardcover]

Greg Baer (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 27, 2003

Most people spend their whole lives searching for the kinds of relationships that make them feel worthwhile, happy, and loved. But few ever truly experience them. In Real Love, Dr. Greg Baer gives readers a practical blueprint for successful relationships by illuminating the path to finding and keeping love.

Real-or unconditional-Love is caring about the happiness and well-being of another person without expecting something in return. That is the secret "something" that all relationships need in order to survive and thrive, and in this inspirational, one-of-a-kind book Dr. Baer shares his secrets for attaining Real Love. You'll discover:

o The crucial difference between conditional and unconditional love
o What a true, loving, and independent relationship really is
o The four steps to finding Real Love
o How to eliminate conflicts in relationships with spouses, children, parents, siblings, friends, and colleagues
o How to put an end to destructive "getting" and "protecting" behaviors
o Why "imitation love"-the pursuit of money, power, sex, and approval-can never be a substitute for the real thing
o The ways in which dishonesty, criticism, and blame-fixing can irrevocably damage relationships
o How Real Love can break the cycles of disappointment and unhappiness, and ease and eradicate feelings of anger, resentment, and fear

With Real Love as your guide, you can begin to heal the wounds of the past and create rewarding and fulfilling relationships in every single area of your life.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

The most remarkable aspect of this self-help book is the author's avowal that he's been there, too, while he stretches a rudimentary concept into a full-blown book. Baer's message is simple. People toiling away in lukewarm relationships are lacking "real love"-the ability to care unconditionally about the happiness of another person. "When we're unhappy, our misery is not the fault of our partner. Blaming that person is therefore foolish, wasteful and destructive, because no matter how much we demand or insist, he or she cannot make us happy." Ophthalmologist Baer (The Truth About Relationships) is not the first champion of the "you-get-out-of-it-what-you-put-into-it" school, and his suggestion that individuals are responsible for their own happiness is hardly novel. What distinguishes his map to the romantic holy grail from the others in its genre is Baer's admission of his own fallibility. He's been down and out, and there's something reassuring about his willingness to admit to failures as well as triumphs. As a result, the overall effect of this book is soothing, but readers shouldn't expect the truths found here to be anything new.
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

This self-help book is written by an ophthalmologist who uses his personal experience of recovery from divorce and drug addiction to chart a course for others to learn how to find real love in heterosexual marriage. By "real love," Baer means love that is given unconditionally, and he describes many situations that may look like love but are only "imitation" in that it has conditions or strings attached. He also characterizes the many behaviors that people use either to get love or to protect themselves from lack of real love. Unfortunately, his reasoning often seems circular and simplistic, and there are areas where his judgment can be challenged: his discussion of anorexia is not supported by current psychological theory, and his brief discussion of abusive situations could be dangerously misconstrued to lead a victim to stay in a violent relationship. Finally, there are no notes or bibliography. Although the author is popular on the lecture circuit and radio, there is enough questionable material here to withhold a recommendation. Many better books on relationships are available.
Margaret Cardwell, Christian Brothers Univ., Memphis, TN
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 268 pages
• Publisher: Gotham Books (January 27, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1592400000
• ISBN-13: 978-1592400003
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.6 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (52 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #256,808 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Allowing in the light, April 26, 2003

By A Customer

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Real Love: The Truth About Finding Unconditional Love and Fulfilling Relationships (Hardcover)

This book ends up better than it starts out and it starts out well. I have seen it change the lives of people I know and I am buying them and giving them away as fast as I can afford to. The principles explained are easy to understand, but more difficult to apply. However the rewards of application are worth every effort. Telling the truth about ourselves as Dr. Baer teachers allows the light to come into our hearts freeing us from darkness and self deceit.

19 of 22 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars If You Don't Think You Need This Book---You Do!!!, February 11, 2007

By 

PaulyEddyFreddy (Atlanta, GA) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Real Love: The Truth About Finding Unconditional Love & Fulfilling Relationships (Paperback)

I had a major crisis in my life recently-A sort of Emotional Drowning, which caused me to desperately look for ANY sort of rescue. If you get this book, you can see me in the last chapter, the spouse with no hope he could see, except to leave his wife who he stilled loved. So here I was, getting more and more weary of nothing working--shrinks, marriage counselors, and even some ministers----wondering how did things get this bad, and ready to just let the drowning waves come over me, when I remembered something. A few years back--back when my life was super--I loved my wife, she loved me, we both loved our kidsa---a close friend, actually a fundamental Christian, of which I am the latter not the former, had mentioned just in passing that I really should not just "love" my wife but should have "unconditional love" for her--"Yeah, whatever, so what" was my response-my wife and I loved each other a lot, so what's the point if we call our love some title.

So, before I slipped below the waves, I gave it one last shot---I Googled "Unconditional Love" and "book", with no real optimism that I would find anything to help me. This book popped up-Simple: I bought it---It saved my life!!

The reason that I gave you my history is to show you that I had a BIG TIME NEED for the stuff in this book when I looked for it---That NEED was the ONLY reason I even looked for a book like this, much less read it. Had I read it about 5 years ago, when things "appeared" to be going just fine in my life, my reaction to the book would have been radically different. My review would have looked like this:

3 Stars

"This book is a very interesting read--filled with good concepts to follow, that, however, really don't apply to me, but might apply to you, because my life is great right now and because the small increase in love I might get above what I give and get right now, wouldn't be worth the effort necessary to do the stuff in this book. So I "could" recommend reading this book for how Dr Baer's interesting theories help other people--people who I really have sympathy for, but nothing in common with---they're not like me and my wife. We love each other a lot, and don't have any problems like those people in the book. Therefore, although I could recommend this book for its interesting theories, I don't really see any reason to read this book unless you have allowed your life to go down hill so far that you're like those people in the book".

The title of my review: "If You Don't Think You Need This Book---You Do!!!". Looking back did I "need" a few years ago to put into practise the stuff in this book---You betcha. It took desperately trying to "do" the stuff in this book while I was drowning to realize that had "the light gone on" back when things "apparently" were just fine, my situation definitely would not have gotten this bad. But, sometimes I still seem to have to rationalize the deterioration of my marriage. I think--"Not my fault--I didn't know anything was wrong back then and I didn't even have a chance to decide to do something or not". Speaking of having chances, if you decide to get this book, I'd be curious which of my reviews you would write. Sorry, no punch line yet--but work is in progress, the waves have subsided and I'm getting closer to shore every day.

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The obvious truth -- that is rarely addressed, February 20, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: Real Love: The Truth About Finding Unconditional Love and Fulfilling Relationships (Hardcover)

Have you ever wondered why an intelligent and motivated person like yourself finds it so difficult to change your life? I did and in reading this book and its predecessor "The Truth About Relationships", I found what the self-help books I've read have left out--that changing your life is more than affirmations, deep breathing exercises, and even self-discipline and commitment. This book shared with me what really makes people happy and how to find the happiness that creates the lasting changes and true happiness that you always wanted but never seemed to grasp. Don't assume that you know what "Real Love" is--you may not have really experienced it. But don't despair--you really can change. Do yourself a favor and buy, beg, or borrow (but don't steal) this book! It just might teach you a thing or two!!