Customer Reviews

Real Men Don't Rehearse: Adventures in the Secret World of Professional Orchestras

5 star:		(25)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

As is usual for this time of year, there's more things to do than can get done; despite good intentions some things just seem to lag. One thing that I really wanted to to before Christmas was to promote a book that would just be perfect under the tree, but of course now I'm more talking about the tree in 2006 than 2005, but on the other hand, there ARE five shopping days left.

This book would be the instant classic, `Real Men Don't Rehearse' by myauditions.com blogger Justin Locke. I was checking out the blogs on this site and noticed a mention about his book, so I went to his website, justinlocke.com, read a few of the excerpts and within a few hours had gone to Amazon.com and placed an order.

This book is the best depiction of orchestra life that I've read since Harry Ellis Dickson's book, `Gentlemen, More Dolce Please', which is still a timeless description of orchestra life, funny anecdotes involving the Pops and Feidler, and most famously a summary of the stereotypes of how each instrument seems to attract similar personality types- you know, `cellists are passionate', `clarinet players are obsessed with equipment', etc. etc. (Another classic is Berlioz's `Evenings with the Orchestra')

Justin's book doesn't have that personality list (other than a description of the bass player personality), but it sure has a lot of the `inside scoop' about what it is like to play in an orchestra, professionally. Starting with the inevitable 1812 Overture anecdote (and everyone's got one! Trust Me!), going on to the intricacies of Pops Bass spinning (and what Pops concert would be complete without basses spinning, trombonists square dancing (as has happened in the HSO on occasion), timpanists with umbrellas unfurled for `Raindrops Keep Falling'- you get the picture), page turning etiquette, contract negotiation minutiae, the whole nine yards of orchestra life.

Other noteworthy (no pun intended) features to be found in Justin's book include a glossary of musical slang (notefest = a piece with a lot of notes), the rule of conductor's names (must have at least five syllables). Pops Disasters and Funny Stories, more 1812 anecdotes, a tribute to the unsung Orchestra Librarian, tour stories, opera disasters- well, you get the picture.

There's even a serious chapter that describes his youthful summers of practice and his realization that fundamentals (like scales and interval studies) are essential to mastery of the instrument. Good words of advice that I give to my students every week.

Most amazing, for me, was to realize that he and I had actually gone to the same summer program (Boston University Tanglewood Institute), the same year (1971- a lifetime ago). I thought that name was vaguely familiar!

All in all, this book is a great read and is a must for anyone who is aspiring to a career as a professional musician- both as a little taste of the flavor of professional life, and also as a cautionary tale of what you're getting yourself into. It would make a great Christmas gift for your mother! (But don't tell my Mom- her copy is in the mail! )

Check it out at justinlocke.com.

All-Right, JUSTIN! (You'll have to read the book to get this one)

Justin Locke shows the reader the deep dark secrets of the symphony. To those of us who actually play in a symphony orchestra as I do, much of it rings true. The section about the Boston Pops bass section having its intermission break has got to be one of the classics of the funny orchestral repetory. (Hint...malt liquor got substituted for normal beer, draw your own conclusions on how the 2nd half of the concert went.

For those who don't regularly get on the performance stage, but actually have to pay to get in the concert hall (my condolences) you will see that underneath our stuffed shirts, there are no stuffed shirts. You will find out what orchestra members really think about the absolute dictators (benevolent or otherwise) who think they own us...and how we can conspire not to get mad, but to surely get even. Justin Locke is very good at this (and so am I.) I laughed my tail off.

Jon Teske, violinist

I loved this book! I myself am a musician and bought this for one of my musician friends for Christmas. I started flipping through the book and knew I had to get a copy for myself. Lots of fun stories that both musicians and non-musicians would enjoy. Gives you an "insider's look" at the world of professional musicians. The chapters are short enough that you can read one or two before bed. (Although I just wanted to keep reading!)

I am three years back to my bass after a 14-year hiatus (why, oh why did I ever stop?)...after having played from grade-thru-grad school. I returned to find electronic tuners, end pins that actually work, blogs just for bassists, and Justin Locke's wonderful book. I ordered it via Amazon, and it was fulfilled directly by Justin (complete with a nice note on the packing slip.) I squirreled it away for vacation, and gobbled it up last week in one wonderful day. The back of the book bears a warning not to read in "the quietude of a library, as you're apt to break out into uproarious laughter." I would amend that to "anywhere in public" since I frequently found myself hooting, belly-laughing, slapping my thighs, and laughing so hard I snorted...with tears streaming from my eyes. This is really bizarre looking on a beach but I was having such a great time I did not care. Anyone who has played an instrument with a musical group - not just bassists - will delight in this book...but for bassists, it is a treasure.

Justin's perspective on conductors (oooh, he played with Fiedler and on tour with Mancini), stand partners, spinning basses (wonder if I can bring to our community orchestra) and symphony management idiosyncrasies are priceless.

My favorite passage though is about bassist attitude..."While I can only comment on the bass sections I played in, the attitude we always had could be summed up as, "this thing is pretty much impossible to play, we're doing the best we can, and we really don't want to be here anyway, so don't bother us with your prissy nitpicking."" Amen, Justin.

After all, as he notes, "...since bass players are so rare, you don't have to be terribly good, or even all that motivated, to be wonderfully successful at it." What you do have to have is spirit, a sense of humor, and attitude, and Justin delivers.

Buy the book, enjoy, and pass it on to your musician friends and your family (maybe they will finally understand you.)

Well, I got "Real Men Don't Rehearse" yesterday afternoon and it was finished by bedtime. It was GREAT! I couldn't put it down as I related to so many of the experiences Justin wrote about (I'm a freelance oboist). I was in tears reading about the charter plane emergency procedures. "BUCK-LE, BUCK-LE......OOOOOOOH" HAHAHAHAHA Now, I have never had the pleasure of touring with a group (I'm in South FL and there just aren't many touring groups, if any, from this area). The closest I have come to "touring" so far is a high school band trip (MANY years ago) to D.C., and the airplane ride Justin described sounded like what the clowns in band would pull. They never grow up, do they?

Thanks for a great book. It was a nice way to unwind last night.

My husband and I just love this book! We laughed and laughed, since the stories were so similar to our years in a professional symphony orchestra.
Buy lots of them for your friends, even the non-musical ones, as it's a delightful read.

I have to agree with the reviews before me, this is a very funny book. Consider this passage, describing a performance of the opera Fidelio: "So Jon Vickers started to sing all about what a drag it is to be chained up in a dungeon. One would think this would be self-evident but this went on for quite a while." The story that follows, about Justin Locke's fight with a defective stand light (will our hero be able to get enough light to read his music without burning down the theatre?) is hilarious. And that's just one of many such accounts. The author captures the craziness that lurks beneath the surface of just about any classical music event.

One bit of advice: you may wish to buy several copies of "Real Men Don't Rehearse". I've given it to a number of friends and they've all loved it. If you know anyone who could use a good laugh, get this for them.

And, most important, I hope Justin Locke will be writing another book soon. I'm sure he's got a lot more great stories to tell.

I've read this several times now, and it's truly a laugh-out-loud funny book that you should not start before bed time. Even if you know nothing about music, you will enjoy this collection of anecdotes about the author's real-life, behind-the-scenes experiences. And if you get the chance to hear Justin tell his stories in person, take it, because he makes them come to life in a truly brilliant way.

This delightful peek into the "backstage" lives of professional freelance musicians is sure to entertain other musicians and cultural voyeurs alike. Pithy and honest, its charming "G-rated" tone makes it a perfect selection for a music teacher to share with students who harbor aspirations of becoming professional musicians. It amuses and gently educates the interested public, providing insight into much of the behind-the-scenes support structure; the chapter on the rarefied world of the orchestra librarian is particularly captivating.

As one of Justin's long-time colleagues, I can attest to the 100% accuracy of those of his recounted experiences in which I participated (directly or peripherally), and I found fascinating his accounts of some of the antic escapades in which he and his bass-playing colleagues were involved -- to some of which I was definitely not at the time privy! The anecdote describing their habit of serving each other elaborately - and sometimes dangerously prepared - dinners in the bowels of the Esplanade Hatch Shell, was particularly hilarious.

Unlike some recently published memoirs of freelance musicians, which expose the less "savory" aspects of the music business, this short, sweet book reflects the good-natured personality of its author, and I'm confident that anyone who reads it will find him/herself quite envious of those of us fortunate enough to make our living in the glorious effort of bringing music to appreciative listeners.

Once I began reading Real Men Don't Rehearse I could not put it down! The book is well written and informative and contains many anecdotes that caused me to laugh out loud. Whether or not you are a musician, you will enjoy this book!