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A Real Mother: stumbling through motherhood [Kindle Edition]

Denise Malloy
4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (46 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $10.00
Kindle Price: $0.99
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Book Description

Columnist, Denise Malloy, is A Real Mother. It took her three months to figure out she was pregnant and not suffering from chronic food poisoning. She's been parentally challenged ever since. For the last six years, Malloy has been amusing readers with tales of motherhood, relationships and mid-life. She waxes profound, and occasionally profane, on issues that touch every Real Mother's life - from diapers to dating. Malloy recounts her wild ride through the Stream of Consciousness Zone of Parenting to getting caught by her teens and, quite possibly, Scarring Them for Life. Denise Malloy inhabits a world that most parents will recognize, but few have described quite so honestly, or hilariously.

Editorial Reviews


Named to Kirkus Reviews' Best of 2012
"A quick, lighthearted romp through the joys of motherhood as told by a real, honest and very funny mom." - Kirkus Reviews
"A Real Mother is a real pleasure." - ForeWord Clarion Reviews


From the Inside Flap

"Denise Malloy gives us a deliciously snarky, loving, and brutally honest look at REAL motherhood.  . . and if Denise is any indication, we don't have to throw out our sense of humor with the bath water." - Katie Goodman, comedian, creator of "Broad Comedy," and author of Improvisation for the Spirit.  
"If Dave Barry and Erma Bombeck had a Kentucky love-child, her name would be Denise Malloy."- Chrysti M. Smith, host of the radio series "Chrysti the Wordsmith," produced at KGLT-FM in Bozeman, Montana 
"In this hilarious collection where wry humor and loving warmth prevail, Denise Malloy's foray into parenthood puts her at the pinnacle with Erma Bombeck and Dave Barry. A must-read for anyone who ever laughed or cried over being a kid or a Real parent."-Lauri Olsen, Author of Cold Moon Honor, Whispers on the Wind 
"Denise Malloy has one of those remarkable outlooks that can turn any situation into comedy. . .'" -Jennifer Lowe-Anker, mother, artist and author of Forget Me Not   
"Denise Malloy reminds readers that you don't have to be crude or edgy to be gut-bustingly funny. Call her a modern-day Erma Bombeck, but somehow she manages to consistently slice and dice modern-day living with good old-fashioned humor.  .  ."-Megan Ault Regnerus, Managing Editor, Montana Quarterly and Balance Magazines, blogger, minor catastrophes 
"Required reading for parents of all ages. Denise Malloy hits the all the right notes while relating the highs and lows of being a Mom."-Michele Corriel, freelance writer and author  

Product Details

  • File Size: 253 KB
  • Print Length: 138 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 0615577318
  • Publisher: One Red Dog Press (March 12, 2012)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #340,916 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Parenthood IS Amusing!! May 19, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition
Denise Malloy's romp through parenthood in A Real Mother captures the essence of being a parent - it IS amusing! Children are funny and the situations in which one finds oneself in trying to parent are truly funny. How many times have I been in a parenting situation in which I have thought to myself, "I can either laugh or cry"? And, in the end, each one of those situations has always made for a "great story" after the fact. Denise has taken this one step further and actually written down those great stories! As a professional woman, I can totally relate to Denise's book. Denise left the professional world to devote her time and energy to raising chidlren. We professional women are always stunned to find out how little control we have over anything once the baby is on the way! How quickly we learn that parenting is nothing like the business world. Denise's stories begin with her pregnancy and track her life with children as they enter their teen years. She additionally adds in stories about becoming her mother, which may have been some of the funniest parts of the book. I also enjoyed her recounting of her mother's attempts to video-tape the grand children. Truly hilaroius! We have all experienced these stories in one form or another. It is great fun to read the telling of these familiar tales told from the view of a wonderful story teller. This book would make a great baby shower gift or Mother's Day gift.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Parents will have lots of things to relate to May 20, 2012
By Jess
Format:Kindle Edition
This is an amazing book. From time to time a parent, especially a mother, needs some laughter and a humor when facing parenthood challenges. Author shares her stories about her family - her husband, her two boys. There are also chapters about her mother and her mother-in-law. Every chapter is an inimitable story written with wit, insights and lightheartedness. Personally, I uncovered some revelations on topic such as father-son relationships, a mother's identity and parenting styles. It is reassuring to know that you are not the only mom who gets frustrated; that you are not the only "frazzled" mom out there, and this too "shall pass". I believe that whether you are a new parent or already experienced one you will enjoy this humorous and insightful book on parenting and family relationships, which puts everything into a perspective.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Satirical, Intelligent, REAL June 17, 2012
By Kris
Malloy weaves an honest tapestry of the human experience of parenting. Intelligent and satirical, each chapter serves up an authentic homemade slice of motherhood pie. I chuckled right along with Malloy's observations and accounts of `A-ha' moments, cheerfully recalling my own parenting blunders. I even discovered a tip or two from her hilarious antics. Malloy stands right beside the reader cheering us on as parents. She speaks, as one who has been there, as one who has walked the REAL parenthood walk. Reading Malloy is like making a new positive energy friend, who gets it, who honors our triumphs and stands beside us to share the pain. So much of the communication in our lives today is short bits of tweets, texts and sound bites, often lacking true meaning or connection. Readers of "A Real Mother" will feel they've discovered an attentive, new friend patiently waiting on the night stand, offering entertainment and real connection. Buy it for yourself and then loan it to your best girlfriend!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The lighter side of motherhood June 2, 2012
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
Just finished re-reading "A Real Mother," the perfect thing to pick up and read when you need to sneak away from your kids (or spouse, or pets, or in-laws) a few minutes for yourself and have a good laugh. Nobody seems to capture the absurdity of modern parenting like Denise does, and you're always guaranteed several laugh out loud moments in every one of her essays. Pull up a chair, and let her spin you a tale...
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Laugh or Lose Your Sanity May 5, 2012
If you can't laugh at motherhood, you'll never make it out alive. Denise Malloy helps remind us all that maintaining a sense of humor even when you'd rather tear out your hair or leave your kids at the curb is the best approach to parenting.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Laughed until I cried April 13, 2012
For every parent who answers the endless questions, diligently endures Tball and spends hours putting together Christmas toys, this is a must read. Denise Malloy captures the essence of motherhood with humor, honesty and the poignancy it deserves. If I didn't know these were her stories, I would swear they were mine. You won't be able not to laugh.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars laugh out loud July 25, 2014
By D
This book is a hilarious journey through motherhood. Anyone who has raised or worked with children can appreciate the moments where one does not know whether to laugh or cry, the challenge of juggling different children's needs, the hilarity in everyday moments, and the joy of children.
I started the book intending to read the first vignette only, but found it difficult to put down. I laughed out loud as I read this book, and it is one to which I will return again.
I highly recommend this book to parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, daycare providers, and anyone else who raises or works with children. I will be first in line for this author's next book. (Please write another book, Denise Malloy!)
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A great Read May 16, 2014
By ChrisTM
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I enjoyed the fact that this book was a more believable version of "realistic" motherhood. A lot of the books have glaringly awful moms/dads/etc, in this one there were no saints, but there were no villains either. real life funny & sometimes touching. I enjoyed it thoroughly.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
3.0 out of 5 stars honest
There was a thread of refreshing honesty amid the humor that I really enjoyed. I'm sure her regular columns are also enjoyable.
Published 7 months ago by Angela
5.0 out of 5 stars Nice for those stolen moments.
It is funny and true to life heart warming. Nice book to take a few moments every day to relax and smile.
Published 10 months ago by Michele Smolik
Published 13 months ago by VALERE TOWNSEND
5.0 out of 5 stars Very funny
Really enjoyed this book. Very true to life about what is needed to be a mom.
Lots of good laughs too.
Published 14 months ago by Michele Cariveau
3.0 out of 5 stars great
Loved it it was so very good really made sense to me. You have to read this wonderful book today
Published 15 months ago by Chelsea
5.0 out of 5 stars Fantasic Read!
I enjoyed reading this book. It is so funny and I got many good laughs. Denise Malloy is a fantastic writer and look forward to more things she writes.
Published 17 months ago by Ashlie
5.0 out of 5 stars Remembering Motherhood
This book is absolutely delightful! I am sure that most Moms can identify with many of the situations that were so humorously described in the book A Real Mother. Read more
Published 17 months ago by Marie Thurston
2.0 out of 5 stars Didn't care for it.
There wasn't anything especially wrong with it. The author seems sincere and picks funny moments. I just didn't care for the writing style, and I didn't feel like it came together... Read more
Published 17 months ago by Taylor Ellwood
2.0 out of 5 stars Only so-so
Cute book, but the author isn't quite as funny as she thinks she is. At least it's a quick read.
Published 17 months ago by Amazon Customer
4.0 out of 5 stars Fun read!
Malloy takes the reader into the "ordinary" situations of child-rearing that are anything but ordinary when you are living it! Read more
Published 18 months ago by Carolyn O'Brien
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More About the Author

Although she was born and raised in Louisville, Kentucky, Denise Malloy will never be confused with a Southern belle even though she still says y'all. Denise lives with The Husband and The Boys in Bozeman, MT. After working as a lifeguard, a Peace Corps Volunteer, a middle school teacher, a switchboard operator and finally, an attorney (but don't hold that against her) she is uniquely qualified to do absolutely nothing. That is why she writes.

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