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Real Parents, Real Children: Parenting the Adopted Child Paperback – September 1, 1995


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 288 pages
  • Publisher: The Crossroad Publishing Company; 1 edition (September 1, 1995)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0824515145
  • ISBN-13: 978-0824515140
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.8 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #185,581 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

A leading authority on adoption and an award-winning writer bring wisdom and clarity to situations important to all adoptive parents. Real Parents, Real Children goes beyond the question of when to tell children they are adopted with practical advice for parents on how to talk with their children about adoption...

Throughout, the special concerns and challenges of interracial, international, and older-child adoptions are also addressed.

Real Parents, Real Children ... offers confidence and assurance as well as sought-after answers to lifelong questions.

Customer Reviews

3.8 out of 5 stars

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

61 of 64 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on August 4, 2000
Format: Paperback
Real Parents, Real Children has been one of the most helpful books I have read on adoption, and as an adoption social worker - I have read quite a few! What I enjoyed most about this book was the in-depth look Holly Van Gulden and Lisa M. Bartels-Rabb took at each developmental stage in a child's life. After learning what all children go through at a particular stage, Van Gulden and Bartels-Rabb then discuss issues that may arise in each stage as related to adotpion. This book is a great resource for adoptive parents to determine if their child's behavior is due to their developmental stage or and adoption issue that needs to be resolved. Van Gulden and Bartels-Rabb do not end there! They go on to give practical advice on how to help your child through a tough issue. I appreciate this books honest and professional flavor. I recommend this book to all adoptive parents as a resource that can be used for many years. The earlier adoption related issues can be dicovered and worked through, the better for the child and the family. Two other books I highly recommend are "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew" and "Making Sense of Adoption"
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19 of 20 people found the following review helpful By JB in MN on November 28, 2004
Format: Paperback
I almost did not buy this book after reading a review that it was "too clinical." Thank heaven I went for it anyway. It was SO interesting and SO helpful, it has inspired me to write my first book review here on Amazon. I have read every book I can get my hands on since I adopted a 4-year-old from another country and this was by far the most useful to me. While it also covers adoption of infants and domestic adoption, Van Gulden delves deeply into adoption of older (more than a year old), international/interracial children and the issues they face. I especially like how - after each chapter - she gives a list of other resources/books to consult for more information. There are great suggestions of children's books that will help you approach most any difficult topic that can - and will - come up with your new child. I am back here shopping for more copies tonight - get a copy for grandma/grandpa and anyone else close to you who may need a little education on the unique intricacies of adopting an older child from another culture or race. I am so grateful to have found this book and highly recommend it. Adoption is one of life's richest blessings - and most worthy challenges. This book will help you appreciate and cope and know that you are not alone.
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18 of 20 people found the following review helpful By Gisela Gasper Fitzgerald on September 10, 2003
Format: Paperback
Gulden and Bartels-Rabb cover a large number of issues that adoptive parents would greatly benefit knowing about, even if some don't apply to their personal situation, such as adoption of an older child and the consequent issue of bonding and attachment and re-naming the child. Also, the book offers a great bibliography. I could identify with several points brought up. Preplacement and postplacement stress (and joy!) is one issue I can still vividly remember. Also the fact that parenting adopted children is, in fact, different from parenting birth children. In our case, I found this to be especially true during the first year of our daughter's life when nature had not prepared me for the arrival of a child. Our daughter was four days old and loved around the clock. However, I found that the difference between her and our two birth children lasted only as long as the milk flowed. After that, I saw three unique individuals, and as the years went by, the issue of adoption was no more a household word than the issue of biological birth. We spoke lovingly of her birthmother and brought her up at special events, yet our daughter, very easy-going in temperament, never seemed to suffer an identity crisis or later, an interest in searching. When her birthmother appeared 29 years later, she began a cordial relationship with her but claims that the reunion has not made her whole while before she was fragmented. She had merely made a new friend. Perhaps our daughter was like the little eleven-year old boy quoted by Gulden and Bartels-Rabb: "You know all those things you've been saying about my birth parents? Well, I've come to the conclusion that those poor suckers lost a good thing." It would be nice if all adopted kids felt as confident, but that's sadly not true.
Gisela Gasper Fitzgerald, author of ADOPTION: An Open, Semi-Open or Closed Practice?
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13 of 14 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on March 19, 2002
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Not only is this a fantastic resource for adoptive parents, but an incredible review of normal childhood development and the grieving process. The authors address all scenerios for adoption (foreign, domestic, cross-cultural, from infancy and beyond, from foster care, etc.) in a clear and informative way. The research into this book must have been phenomenal. Recommended reading for parents well into the process as well as prospective parents. It's both honest and hopeful. Bravo!
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By Real Mommy on September 9, 2008
Format: Paperback
As an adoptive parent and an adoption and foster care professional, it is hard for me to believe that I didn't find out about this wonderful book years ago! The information on the child development, and how it is impacted by adoption is excellent. The information on how adoption impacts family dynamics is invaluable in helping adoptive parents and professionals understand the changes that are occurring for adoptive parents as the journey of adoption proceeds. I wish that I had known some of this information as I was struggling with the changes that adoption was making in me. The book normalized my experience and I would recommend it to anyone who is adopting or thinking about adopting. It reads a bit like a text book, and so might seem bookish for anyone who has not parented, but anyone engaged in parenting, biological, adopted or foster children would benefit from reading this book! (PS I was so impressed with this book that I am taking the time to write these comments... a first for me after at least 10 years of buying books from Amazon.com.)
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Real Parents, Real Children: Parenting the Adopted Child
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