The Real Rules: How to Find the Right Man for the Real You [Mass Market Paperback]

Barbara De Angelis (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 10, 1997

The number one bestselling author of Ask Barbara, Are You the One for Me, and other groundbreaking relationship books rewrites the rules in this extraordinary book.

Product Details

• Mass Market Paperback: 192 pages
• Publisher: Dell (February 10, 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0440224489
• ISBN-13: 978-0440224488
• Product Dimensions: 4.3 x 0.5 x 6.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 3.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (66 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #636,216 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #10 in Books > 4-for-3 Books > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships > Dating
  • #19 in Books > 4-for-3 Books > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships > Mate Seeking

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

92 of 100 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Permission Granted--oddly enough it is needed, May 30, 2001

By 

Wendy (Virginia, USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Real Rules: How to Find the Right Man for the Real You (Mass Market Paperback)

Picked up and read this book just yesterday in it's entirety. A few years ago a friend handed me a copy of "The Rules", the one De Angelis criticizes. In reading that book I became massively depressed that this is what the male half of the human race has amounted to. I was even more depressed that I could not just be myself and find someone to love me for me. The old "Rules" is a straight-jacket too impossible for a woman of the 21st century to wear. "The Real Rules", as simplistic and common sense oriented as it is, is the first permission anyone has given me in a long time to just be me. Everthing in the book I already knew, but needed to "hear"; this after relationships where I was not accepted for myself, this after a few friends debated with me that I cannot be up front and forward with men. Tell that to a woman with a big heart whose preference is to be open. That does immense damage to the psyche. The writer of the original "Rules" should be sued. I don't want to play games. I don't want the kind of man who responds to games.

I also appreciate how De Angelis "gives permission" to be up front and ask the important questions early on, something we simply aren't taught to do otherwise, and how she reminds us to look at what WE want, what OUR needs are, rather than getting caught up in getting a commitment from a guy who is likely to be the wrong guy, just because he might commit.

It may sound odd that we would need to be given "permission" to be ourselves, but in a world that constantly stiffles any attempt to "be real", we can't get enough of that permission.

Thanks Barbara.

39 of 40 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Genuine and Sensible, June 16, 2005

By 

Veronica (England) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Real Rules: How to Find the Right Man for the Real You (Mass Market Paperback)

The Real Rules is an empowering and inspirational book. The writing style is friendly and insightful and the tips are very useful and easy to follow. This book tries to undo the brainwashing that has led some women to hide their true selves in order to attract a man, for example, acting `light and breezy' on dates, always ending phone calls first and becoming busy and mysterious when you want him to propose... This book does not cater to women who are obsessed with their Big Day or who exhibit `Princess' behaviour; instead it focuses on kind-hearted, decent women who only want a man if he is right for them.

Rules given are honest and refreshing. They include `Be Yourself', `Treat People the Way You Want Them To Treat You', and `Ask Questions Before You Get Involved'. I especially liked the section on the six important character traits to look for in a man (and cultivate in yourself) such as high self-esteem and integrity. The Real Rules are all about having faith in your ability to know what the appropriate way to behave in a relationship is. For example, most women know how many times they should call a new boyfriend without going overboard and therefore there is no need to follow restrictive rules that only make you obsess about whether you are `doing the right thing' or not.

Barbara makes a great point that if you offend a man by being honest about your beliefs or hobbies then he clearly wasn't The One in the first place, so why obsess about making him like you? If you are right for each other then games are not necessary. Simple as that. This book is certainly not about letting it all `hang out'. Barbara is not encouraging women to turn up on dates as emotional wrecks or ball-busters and expect men to `love them as they are'. She encourages women to develop some real confidence and self-esteem and become the best they can be.

The only thing I think people should be careful about is asking too many personal questions early on. Barbara provides a useful list of seven areas that let you know whether a man is right for you, such as `ethics, values, morals', `past love relationships', `family background', `personal goals' and so on. While I believe it is important to find out about these things, some of them should not be discussed in the early stages of a relationship. It's better to wait until these topics arise naturally and it feels comfortable to share personal information. In the beginning, you can often work out someone's general beliefs and attitudes by how they behave without having to ask them outright and this is fine until you both feel comfortable with sharing private stuff.

Overall The Real Rules is a sensible and fun dating guide that you can customize to suit yourself. Whilst other dating guides assume that all men are immature and will `use and abuse' you if you give them half a chance, the Real Rules actually talks about women and men as mature, responsible equals. Highly recommended for both men and women, but especially women who want to remain true to themselves in dating and not compromise their dignity.

JoAnne

60 of 65 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Great book, take it from a GUY!, November 10, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: The Real Rules: How to Find the Right Man for the Real You (Mass Market Paperback)

Outstanding book! I read it from cover to cover, and I agree with MOST of it. Two things I disagree with. #1) A woman should put a time limit on a guy of say, 18 months to 2 years, from getting to know him to marriage. (Of course, that's for women over the age of 25.) #2) I disagree with the 4 commitment levels. I think there are 2 levels of commitment, (dating exclusively, and marriage) or 3 levels, TOPS, (dating exclusively, living together, and then marriage.) Guys like to keep things very straight forward, and we like to know EXACTLY where we stand. If you do the Real Rules, (especially Rule #1) you should be all set, trust me! The best part about the book is that it ENCOURAGES you to share the book with your significant other! You have nothing to hide, and you get to be yourself, and The Real Rules works in ANY dating stage, early, middle, or final stages.