Customer Reviews

The Real Rules: How to Find the Right Man for the Real You

5 star:		(34)
4 star:		(9)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(16)

 

 

Picked up and read this book just yesterday in it's entirety. A few years ago a friend handed me a copy of "The Rules", the one De Angelis criticizes. In reading that book I became massively depressed that this is what the male half of the human race has amounted to. I was even more depressed that I could not just be myself and find someone to love me for me. The old "Rules" is a straight-jacket too impossible for a woman of the 21st century to wear. "The Real Rules", as simplistic and common sense oriented as it is, is the first permission anyone has given me in a long time to just be me. Everthing in the book I already knew, but needed to "hear"; this after relationships where I was not accepted for myself, this after a few friends debated with me that I cannot be up front and forward with men. Tell that to a woman with a big heart whose preference is to be open. That does immense damage to the psyche. The writer of the original "Rules" should be sued. I don't want to play games. I don't want the kind of man who responds to games.

I also appreciate how De Angelis "gives permission" to be up front and ask the important questions early on, something we simply aren't taught to do otherwise, and how she reminds us to look at what WE want, what OUR needs are, rather than getting caught up in getting a commitment from a guy who is likely to be the wrong guy, just because he might commit.

It may sound odd that we would need to be given "permission" to be ourselves, but in a world that constantly stiffles any attempt to "be real", we can't get enough of that permission.

Thanks Barbara.

The Real Rules is an empowering and inspirational book. The writing style is friendly and insightful and the tips are very useful and easy to follow. This book tries to undo the brainwashing that has led some women to hide their true selves in order to attract a man, for example, acting `light and breezy' on dates, always ending phone calls first and becoming busy and mysterious when you want him to propose... This book does not cater to women who are obsessed with their Big Day or who exhibit `Princess' behaviour; instead it focuses on kind-hearted, decent women who only want a man if he is right for them.

Rules given are honest and refreshing. They include `Be Yourself', `Treat People the Way You Want Them To Treat You', and `Ask Questions Before You Get Involved'. I especially liked the section on the six important character traits to look for in a man (and cultivate in yourself) such as high self-esteem and integrity. The Real Rules are all about having faith in your ability to know what the appropriate way to behave in a relationship is. For example, most women know how many times they should call a new boyfriend without going overboard and therefore there is no need to follow restrictive rules that only make you obsess about whether you are `doing the right thing' or not.

Barbara makes a great point that if you offend a man by being honest about your beliefs or hobbies then he clearly wasn't The One in the first place, so why obsess about making him like you? If you are right for each other then games are not necessary. Simple as that. This book is certainly not about letting it all `hang out'. Barbara is not encouraging women to turn up on dates as emotional wrecks or ball-busters and expect men to `love them as they are'. She encourages women to develop some real confidence and self-esteem and become the best they can be.

The only thing I think people should be careful about is asking too many personal questions early on. Barbara provides a useful list of seven areas that let you know whether a man is right for you, such as `ethics, values, morals', `past love relationships', `family background', `personal goals' and so on. While I believe it is important to find out about these things, some of them should not be discussed in the early stages of a relationship. It's better to wait until these topics arise naturally and it feels comfortable to share personal information. In the beginning, you can often work out someone's general beliefs and attitudes by how they behave without having to ask them outright and this is fine until you both feel comfortable with sharing private stuff.

Overall The Real Rules is a sensible and fun dating guide that you can customize to suit yourself. Whilst other dating guides assume that all men are immature and will `use and abuse' you if you give them half a chance, the Real Rules actually talks about women and men as mature, responsible equals. Highly recommended for both men and women, but especially women who want to remain true to themselves in dating and not compromise their dignity.

JoAnne

Outstanding book! I read it from cover to cover, and I agree with MOST of it. Two things I disagree with. #1) A woman should put a time limit on a guy of say, 18 months to 2 years, from getting to know him to marriage. (Of course, that's for women over the age of 25.) #2) I disagree with the 4 commitment levels. I think there are 2 levels of commitment, (dating exclusively, and marriage) or 3 levels, TOPS, (dating exclusively, living together, and then marriage.) Guys like to keep things very straight forward, and we like to know EXACTLY where we stand. If you do the Real Rules, (especially Rule #1) you should be all set, trust me! The best part about the book is that it ENCOURAGES you to share the book with your significant other! You have nothing to hide, and you get to be yourself, and The Real Rules works in ANY dating stage, early, middle, or final stages.

The Real Rules is not idealistic at all! It is very genuine & explains the absolute truth about meeting the RIGHT person and not just ANY person. Barbara never says that marriage is unimportant or that an engagement ring is bad. It is only wrong when women make it their GOAL to get married or have that ring w/o paying attention to whether or not this man is the right one for them. This is the point Barbara makes. Her point is that when a woman is married to the RIGHT man, THEN that ring will be forever meaningful. Why settle for anything less than a real, long-lasting love that was initially based on honesty, emotional openness, and just being yourself without focusing on the almighty ring? The Real Rules is for people in the BEGINNING of a relationship, MIDDLE, it doesn't matter! Women who think this book is too idealistic can follow the old rules and be the kind of woman who gets a man through manipulation, games, and ACTING. There is nothing idealistic about the advice in this book. Everything about it MAKES SENSE. It is about being yourself, expressing who you are, and showing your love to people all around you. This book taught me more about life and relationships than I could ever care to learn on my own. If women think this advice will result in getting hurt or causing more heartache just because they were THEMSELVES with men, then let me tell you, those men who break your heart because you followed the REAL RULES are NOT the men for you! We all get hurt, Barbara never said we wouldn't. The Real Rules shows you how to stay away from and spot these men. When you do, you can then move on (or stay in the relationship and get hurt with the wrong man because you couldn't let go) to finding the RIGHT man. If you fall down, get right back up until you find the man who loves you for YOU. This book is the best of it's kind! I highly recommend it to REAL women..women in search of the RIGHT man. No more games and no more wasting time! Barbara tells you the real rules for doing so. Thanks Barbara!!! The OLD RULES S**K. Treat men the way you want to be treated. Be yourself. If you're not yourself, how will you ever be comfortable w/ the man you're with? GET REAL LADIES. This book is great for REAL men too..

If you're looking to "get" "capture" or manipulate a man with false tactics, games, and pretenses, then this book will help you discover HOW and WHY to be REAL so you can have and sustain a healthy, genuine and authentic relationship.
Games don't work, at all! This is a fantastic book that will help you honor yourself, honor the person you're with, and will help you bring out more of who you truly are, which is the foundation of any real and lasting relationship.
HIGHLY recommended for its truth, authenticity, and the freeing and lasting effect it will bring to your relationship. Be real, and he will feel safe to be real with you. Deserves 10 Stars!

Barbara Rose, Ph.D. author of Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE and Know Yourself: A Woman's Guide to Wholeness, Radiance & Supreme Confidence

Picked up and read this book just yesterday in it's entirety. A few years ago a friend handed me a copy of "The Rules", the one De Angelis criticizes. In reading that book I became massively depressed that this is what the male half of the human race has amounted to. I was even more depressed that I could not just be myself and find someone to love me for me. The old "Rules" is a straight-jacket too impossible for a woman of the 21st century to wear. "The Real Rules", as simplistic and common sense oriented as it is, is the first permission anyone has given me in a long time to just be me. Everthing in the book I already knew, but needed to "hear"; this after relationships where I was not accepted for myself, this after a few friends debated with me that I cannot be up front and forward with men. Tell that to a woman with a big heart whose preference is to be open. That does immense damage to the psyche. The writer of the original "Rules" should be sued. I don't want to play games. I don't want the kind of man who responds to games. I also appreciate how De Angelis "gives permission" to be up front and ask the important questions early on, something we simply aren't taught to do otherwise, and how she reminds us to look at what WE want, what OUR needs are, rather than getting caught up in getting a commitment from a guy who is likely to be the wrong guy, just because he might commit.

It may sound odd that we would need to be given "permission" to be ourselves, but in a world that constantly stiffles any attempt to "be real", we can't get enough of that permission.

Thanks Barbara.

Ms. DeAngelis gets right to the point of what to look for in a man, how to be more assertive and what the real deal is...she pulls no punches in her opinion and suggestions on how to win in the game of love. I got this book recently on the weekend and within 4 days read it from cover to cover. I could not put the book down! I would recommend this book to anyone looking for what is real and what isn't. I have recently started dating again after a year spent with someone who didn't know what he wanted and this book helped me tremendously. I am looking to purchase more books from this brilliant author in the future.

I find it very ironic that a women who has been married and divorced so many times finds herself competant enough to give advice on relationships! Even stranger..one of her husbands was John Gray. The author of Men are from Mars and women from Venus. PLEASE!!!!

I have been reading all the negative reviews on this book, and I can't, for the life of me, understand why women would put down advice that men like and want from women. Barbara DeAngelis hit the nail on the head on what men like from women. Isn't that what matters??? Do the things men like and want from you. After all, don't you want him doing the things you like and want from him? When it comes to attracting men, and trying to figure them out, who would you rather listen to, the men, or the women??? Authors like DeAngelis, Tracy Cabot, Margaret Kent and Leil Lowndes are such authors that listen to what men want. Ignoring and putting down such advice just doesn't make sense. The Real Rules is what will work for you...because it's advice that men agree on.

Perry Rose, author of I Love You...Will You Marry Me?!

I had decided to read this book, because it seemed like it has received a lot of positive reviews. Even though I was a major fan of "The Rules," I wanted something different because following "The Rules" was starting to stress me out.

Dr. DeAngelis really opened my eyes--I had no idea how manipulative and offensive "The Rules" really were. Her ideas in the book also convinced me how "The Rules" went against everything I was striving to be a strong, independent woman who is able to assert her needs and wants in a romantic relationship.

I still think that a few of the concepts in "The Rules" is valid--I still don't believe in pursuing men and I still think that a man should take the lead in a relationship. However, Dr. DeAngelis has encouraged me to value myself as a woman and NOT allow any man to have complete control over a relationship.

On a personal note, when I was following "The Rules," I had thought that my relationship with my ex-boyfriend failed simply because he wasn't willing to commit. However, this book enlightened me to the fact that there were so many other (more important) issues that had led to our downfall.

I am alreading starting to read her other books!