Real Therapy [Paperback]

David Unger (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: July 2002

Rarely is a book about therapy funny, touching, inisghtful,helpful and laced with sex, drugs and rock and roll. If you have an interest in any of those things you may find this is the one psychology book for you.

--This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Without a doubt the best book about therapy that I have ever read." -- Jeff Blume, Ph.D. The Joy of Therapy --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Chapter One

You Have to Begin Somewhere

One afternoon in graduate school during the break in my psychopathology class I went up on the roof with a couple of friends. We got to talking about how you never can win with therapists. If you came early for a session the therapist would say, "I noticed you came early today." If you came late they would say, " I noticed you came late today". If you managed to be on time they would say, "I noticed you were on time today."

No matter what you did they always managed to make it sound like what you did was not the optimal option. Maybe, their tone implied, you could have done it better.

If you ever have the misfortune of reading a textbook about personality, you will discover there is no normal acceptable behavior. No matter what you do therapists have a way of making you feel like you should be doing something else.

This from an industry that says they want to help you.

Hanging out on the rooftop, rebelling against the craziness of it all, we vowed not to become them. Now, twenty plus years later, I am one of them.

I hope I've learned enough to be helpful to people, but I worry about it.

The business of psychotherapy does more harm than help. I would never entrust my life to most of the people I've met who call themselves psychotherapists, psychologists, psychiatrists or counselors.

Today I was in a hardware store and I asked one of the people who work there if they could recommend someone to help me with a carpentry job in my home. They told me the person they would recommend lives 75 miles away and for the small job I needed I might not want to pay the $100 they charge for travel.

"Yikes", I said.

"Yeah" he replied. "But he's the only guy I can recommend."

That's kind of how I feel about therapists. When someone asks me for a referral, I sometimes have to say that the only person I could refer them to with my personal assurances is far away.

After all, how many people do you know to whom you would entrust your life? Probably not many.

So, even though I know many psychotherapists, I would have to say that as a lot I haven't found much comfort there. It doesn't really matter the degree or the license. After all my years in the business I probably know half a dozen therapists who I would be willing to sit down with, talk about my life and believe that they might actually be able to help me out.

As you can see I'm not very optimistic about my profession. Do you suppose this is how most people feel about their fields? Would someone who works for Ford have difficulty buying an Explorer? Perhaps. They certainly know more about the quality of the materials and work that went into building the car. There may have been some people over at Firestone that weren't rushing out to get their tires.

Actually there are more than 6 therapists with whom I would entrust myself. I've taught a bunch of them. A few years after I finished graduate school I started teaching and for the last 18 years I have been teaching how to do therapy courses in graduate schools. Often I have students who either are already excellent clinicians or whom I know with time will become quite skilled.

So, let me modify what I said. I only know 6 therapists to whom I readily refer. I also know that quite a few other excellent therapists exist. I've seen them in my classrooms, supervision groups and occasionally in the world. I imagine one would be in good hands if they saw them, I just haven't had the opportunity to get to know them in a personal enough way to recommend them. But when I did teach them or listen to them I thought they had enough heart, intelligence and compassion to be of genuine help.

I also know the harmful and benign outweigh the useful. I've seen them all too often in my classes, at work and in the world. It is not that they have malice in their hearts, it's that they are too hurt and limited to be of substantial help to anyone.

So beware if you ever go out in search of a therapist. Odds are you won't find one of much use‹you might even find one who makes things worse for you.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

I want to tell a story. A story about how and what I learned about being a therapist. I will have to tell a few fibs and embellish some tidbits to protect the innocent.

Sheldon Kopp, one of the therapist/authors to whom I was exposed in graduate school wrote in his book, Back to One, " Truth is subservient to honesty in my story telling." He was talking about how when he works with clients he doesn't mind amending his stories to fit the circumstances at hand. He noted that Picasso had said, "Art is a lie that leads to the truth."

So with these two models in mind, I will do my best to weave the story in such a way that it interests you, while traveling the road to some truths. My goalis to show you how a not overly aware, emotionally distant, shy and inhibited person found a way of living that allows him to make the most out of his lifeand in doing so help others to do the same.

This transformation is the story line of this book. I have tried to take you with me as I learned the lessons that helped me change my way of being.

Now I get paid to teach others how to do therapy. It is definitely strange. But perhaps my story will help you with yours. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Product Details

• Paperback: 388 pages
• Publisher: Xlibris Corp (July 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1401045863
• ISBN-13: 978-1401045869
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.4 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,795,664 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

3 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Self Help Will Never be the Same, September 7, 2002

By 

Robert (New York, NY) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Real Therapy (Paperback)

I was totally surprised and enthralled by this book. I have read plenty of self-help books and pop psych books and this one is completely different. First off, the author talks about life in a way that I can relate to - he does not purport to be better than anyone else and certainly there are aspects to who he is that I don't really like. But, show me anyone you really know who you like everything about.
No, this guy is for real. He shares his story and along the way I was laughing out loud, I got excited, sad, upset and came away with a better understanding of myself and the people around me.There is a lot of information presented in a way that you don't really notice until you are talking to someone and all of a sudden you are using one of the things he mentioned.
The author says at one point how many therapists he has taught in graduate school. When I thought about it I realized I would like to take a course from this guy. Then I realized his students probably never got some of this behind the scenes stuff, and if they did, I really would like to take that course.

2 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Cool Journey, October 6, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: Real Therapy (Paperback)

This was really a great read. I couldn't put it down, and at the same time I wanted to read it in private. Reading about truth is sometimes embarrassing - especially when I get to be a bit of a voyeur into worlds where I don't want to admit i go and think about going. This book has more than therapy, sex and drugs - it has heart and innocence and covers the path to experience in a really truthful and very tantalizing way. I blushed more than a few times. Seriously, this book is about looking for the truth of what you want and this guy goes out looking and shares the highs and lows -- i really recommend it.

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I've never been in therapy, January 21, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: Real Therapy (Paperback)

A friend suggested I read this book. I was not sure about it, because it seemed geared for people who either are in therapy or do therapy. But, I was completely surprised. Sure, it has a lot of inside stuff on what it means to be a shrink, which I found kinda voyueristic and informative. But, while you get the inside stuff you also learn a lot about yourself and things you can do to make realtionships, work, family, love more satisfying.
This is a book about life. How to live it fully. How to be the person you are with all the baggage you have and the good and not so good parts. It was funny at times and sad at others and most importantly, helpful. I got a lot out of it and would talk to my friends about it and turned a bunch of people onto it. We have our own little "real" language thing going.
When I first got it, I would read it before I went to bed. When I was done with it I put it in the bathroom so I could read a page or two now and then. It may sound weird to you, but only the best books make it into my bathroom.