Customer Reviews

Real Vampires Have Curves (Glory St. Clair, Book 1)

5 star:		(23)
4 star:		(13)
3 star:		(5)
2 star:		(6)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

When I first started read this book I wasn't sure I was going to like it. The main vamp (pun intended), Glory, seemed to be all over the place and a little too vapid for me.
However, she grows on you. Quickly. She becomes a bit more "real" as you go on and start finding out she's a vampire with a complex about her thighs and is semi-bothered by the fact she let a stripper talk her into a spray-on tan. She also has a smart alec guard dog named "Valdez" (Valdez the 112th, she thinks, because she names all her dogs "Valdez") who talks like John Travolta from "Get Shorty". See what I mean? She grows on you.
I ended up reading the entire book in one sitting and am glad I have the next book on order. More than once I caught myself giggling out loud at something. The cast of character is not the usual vampire fare and Bartlett has changed around the vampire powers and blood drinking rules to suit her setting which I like. There's no angst and doomed tone at all which is rare in a vampire novel, and frankly, it was much appreciated.
My only complaint was that the reasonably bright Glory missed some patently obvious incidents I felt she would have seen right through so occasionally it seemed like she went from bright to just utterly clueless which bugged me.
Overall, a very entertaining little book and I'm looking forward to the next one. I will recommend it to friends who like the vamp romance/mystery novel as something to give a look.

What did I miss? I read the great reviews of this book and if there was even one dissenting opinion, I wouldn't be writing this at all, but I feel like I got duped by the good reviews, so I'm writing one that's a little different.

I am probably spoiled. I'm a huge fan of the Betsy books by MaryJanice Davidson, and the Sookie Stackhouse books by Charlaine Harris. They have very little in common, so my disappointment with "Real Vampires Have Curves" has nothing to do with it not fitting into the genre. My biggest problem is that it just wasn't believable. Even in fantasy, with fantastical characters, the characters and stories have to seem believable. There were too many holes in the spectacularly cliche and boring plot, including a few strange passages where whole bits of time pass for no reason. The characters don't develop at all and I really wanted Glory to develop because I found her to be shallow, insecure and dim.

In my opinion, if you are going to reference another work in your title, you are going to set some expectations. I expected Glory to be proud of her curves, or at least become proud of them. I did not expect her to claim she was just "bloated" on the day of her turning or to constantly be down on or suspicious of anyone who is attracted to her because they are attracted to her. Bloated and curvy are not the same thing.

The mind-reading was severely overdone and the talking dog was so hokey, it all added up to me not ever being able to see these characters as real life entities. The whole time I was reading it, they appeared in my mind as cartoon characters, unrealistic (within the genre), disjointed and flat.

I wanted to like this book so much and I'm really bewildered about the whole experience. Apparently people like the book. (Heck, hon, you even got another one coming, which is great. I'm happy for you!) This book just wasn't for me--which wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't feel like I was completely misled by the reviews and the blurbs about the book.

Real Vampires is an entertaining story that has some fresh and imaginative thoughts to add to the Vampire genre. Unfortunately it has some of the trite stumbling blocks that seem to plague the books of even some of our favorite authors of late.

While the characters can be fresh and witty the heroine sleeps with just about anything, has a few unreal stumbling blocks ( she never once in 400 years has considered learning a single vamp power when she was surrounded by a powerful family full of vampires? But now suddenly they have appeal?), and the ending of both the main plot in the book as well as the smaller side plot are both glaringly evident well before you get to them.

Similar to Savannah Russe or Kimberly Raye our heroine is a clothes fiend, but in her case she's collected so many clothes and other items over the years that she decides to go into business selling her 'vintage' pieces. She has a psychic/bionic dog for protection and a handsome and powerful near husband who turned her. She continues to both draw him close when its convenient and push him away when its not in an immature fashion similar to her love and hate relationship with drinking blood.

To sum up: Some will get staked, Some will act heroic, and they'll be a good deal of dirty lust in between. It's an entertaining read to pick up, it just won't revolutionize your way of looking at the genre or otherwise rock your world.

I loved this book! It had humor, suspense, hot romance--everything you could want in a great book. Glory seems so real that you can actually believe that vampires are everywhere. And Blade . . . If vamps are everywhere, I definitely want one of him! I can't wait for the next installment in Glory's life. She's so likeable and personable, that you'll want to get to know her even better. Kudos to Gerry Bartlett for a wonderful read!!

I came across this book here on Amazon and thought why not? I'm so glad I did. This book follows Glory a very old vamp who was turned while girls were still curvy, so she's stuck for all eternity like this. She's seen the times change where thin is in, and this just isn't her. Lucky for her she's around men that were turned back then too, and enjoy her full assets, one being her on/off boyfriend Jerry. This tale is about a vamp hunter, Westwood, who goes after Glory and the whole vampire community. It's well written showing how Glory isn't perfect and has insecurities just like any woman. Twists and turns happen, and it's very well written. You'll laugh out loud and enjoy learning what makes Glory tick.

Some readers shall see this as author Gerry Bartlett's debut novel, but au contraire, "Ganymede" and I are clued up and know this is former historical romance author Lynn McKay. I enjoyed her historical works. However it's with this absolutely wonderful novel about a vampire, full of humour and fashion-savvy, where Bartlett hits her true stride.

Glory St. Clair has spent the past few centuries royally P.O.ed at the sexy vamp, Blade. It wasn't the fact he turned her into a vampire, which left her with a mad on. When he made her a vamp she was less than her svelte self, and ever since, she's been stuck with that "well-rounded" figure, the pits for a fashion maven! Eternal life sucks¯pardon the pun. Dating is troublesome, all those curves are pain to one cursed with a fashion sense, and now some whacked out vampire hunter is running around trying to be a pain in the bum¯and other places. Glory, poor lass never learnt the full extent of being one of the undead in Vampdom, but after all these centuries she just might be getting her act together. So what's a lass to do when Blade pops up trying to play hero and save her from the big bad vampire killer?

Clearly, the first in a new series, this novel is a breath of fresh air into the funny vamps sub genre. Nina Bangs, Katie Macalister, MaryJanice Davidson and Lynsay Sands make room for the newest member of the Vamp sisterhood because Gerry Bartlett has arrived. I highly recommend this laugh out loud, funny, sexy vampire romp and eagerly await Real Vampire Live Large.

I could not stand the main character. For a vampire over five hundred years old, she's stupid, insecure, and doesn't know what she wants. I don't want a book about an under-confident ('bloated on the day she died.. hates the curves') stupid (how hard were the 'bad' guys to stop/spot?) flighty (I hate you Jerry... do me) heroine.

The device of having vampire characters respond to unstated thoughts by 'reading' them was confusing and jerky. The talking dog cliche. Overall I found this a 'bandwagon' novel trying to cash in on the current fad of vampire-romance fiction. I did think whoever designed the cover of the novel did a great job; too bad the contents weren't worthy.

The main character is trying very hard to separate herself from the man who changed her into a vampire, it's like you're watching her fall out of love only to keep falling in to it again, like an old married couple. She is in love with him but hates certain things about him and needs to prove to herself more than anyone else that she is a strong independent modern day woman. Great so far, but I really hated the telepathic thing, and when the dog started in on the game it only made it that much more irritating for me, personally. Over all, it was a cute story and a fun read.

I enjoy vampire novels and I am always looking for a new spin on the vampire genre. What I appreciate most about this one is that Glory is a vampire who has body dismorphia in addition to desiring to be independent. She is not the usual vamp vixen who is wealthy and a magnet to all men, rather she is curvacous, needs steady income since she is not rich and does not want to rely on a man to care for her. Glory is entertaining and flippant, but this is a defense mechanism; she is a warm and humerous friend. This is fun read and I am looking forward to reading the next in the series.

Gerry Bartlett broke the mold when she came up with Glory St. Clair. Glory is a 500 years old plus vampire who has become a total modern girl. She is a "real" woman, meaning a size 12 and not a size 2 like most heroines found in romance whether they be historical, modern or paranormal. This first book in the Glory vampire series is funny, heartwarming and very erotic. It is also very refreshing to read about the potluck of characters that Glory surrounds herself with, including her creator and love of her undead life, Gerry.
For ultimate laughs and modern day problems such as dating, sex and trying to get through the ho-hum (including trying to stay alive from evil vampire hunters), this is the book for fans of romance and comedy all rolled into one. Again, the true reason to start reading this series is because of Glory. Everything is told in her first person point of view, ala "Sex in the City."
A true laugh a minute that will not disappoint, plus very hot sex!

Katiebabs

Real Vampires Live Large