Customer Reviews

Real Women Don't Diet

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Reviewed by Doug Zimmer Can a fat-admiring heterosexual male speak meaningfully to the self-interest of women of size? As an FA, Ken Mayer's motives could be considered suspicious. Doesn't he have a vested interest in fat women? And how can he really know what women put up with? In Real Women Don't Diet, Mayer reveals enough of himself to prove honest and argues well enough to prove sincere. Mayer takes strong feminist positions, comparable to those of Kim Chernin and Naomi Wolf. He argues that the forces that make women physically small also diminish their power. When weakness and immaturity are portrayed as sexy, when surgery becomes a necessary component of fashion and fashion becomes a necessary component of life, when women would literally rather die than be fat, Mayer contends that women are being diverted from the real issues of life by the institutions their power threatens. Models spend weeks torturing themselves for one single day, when a photographer shoots hundreds of photos in the hope of producing one momentary illusion of unnatural perfection. The result is an appeal to elitism and mass insecurity. Fashion is a waste of money, time and life. Mayer takes similar aim at a medical industry that puts profits over safety. The author shares stories of his fat friends' ordeals, ranging from the indignity of getting diet advice from a doctor fatter than oneself, to the terror of being threatened with running, tied to a moving car. Mayer also claims to have personally experienced a small taste of the pressure women face. As a wrestler, he chronically underwent his own body wars, bingeing, purging and malnourishing himself for the sake of a temporary weight loss goal. Mayer doesn't recall any conscious decision to become an FA, but he doesn't simply dismiss it as genetic programming. I was intrigued by our similarities and differences. Still, we agree that a preference doesn't make a relationship. True partners are interested in each other's well-being. Mayer is not perfect. He has some peculiar, even contradictory opinions. But his advice is good. To men he says: Stop being "tough," start communicating. Don't "score," participate. To women he says: Stop listening to the shrill voice of fashion. Don't let a doctor tell you how you feel. Take responsibility for your own health and happiness. To everyone he says: Discover your own personal values. Celebrate diversity. Do something IMPORTANT with your life. I find that a very affirming way of defining what makes people "real." Reviewed by Cathy Miller Ken Mayer is angry about the abusive treatment of large women, and he's not going to take it anymore. The author takes to task virtually all of society in his ambitious quest to uncover the reasons for discrimination against women of size. He attempts to become philosopher, psychologist, and economist to illustrate how our culture has failed all women by rejecting fat women. Mayer's style is unsophisticated and direct. The book is peppered with his personal experiences with women, sports (he's a bodybuilder and former wrestler) and the military. Also a photographer, the author enhances his book with attractive "glamour shots" of fat women. There's no doubt that Ken Mayer appreciates the beauty of large women. As any reader will infer from the title, however, Ken Mayer is into defining women. Reading through Real Women Don't Diet, I was struck with the image of a man struggling with his own ambivalence concerning women, sexual attraction, and body size. He seems to be seeking a type rather than a woman. I compared myself to Mayer's "ideal" woman -tall, strong, buxom, fully fleshed, healthy - and discovered that according to yet another male's definition of beauty, my body came up short. Further, Mayer does not find thin women attractive. He claims he sees a thin woman only as a "person," not as a woman. Regardless of the adjectives, it's looksism to me. The author begins by telling us that he's "disheartened by [fat women] being stereotyped and discriminated against" and assures us that he "will supply a revealing perspective on the absurdity of current social standards of beauty." Instead of presenting us with a celebration of women for who they are rather than what they look like, Mayer substitutes his own ideas of what women are and should be: "Thin women...are generally weak." "I am at a loss on how to appreciate or compliment a woman described as 'petite'....All I see are...hints of what a woman could be...." "Balancing on bird-like legs, this absurd caricature of femininity possesses hips devoid of almost all flesh." Puzzling words from a man who supposedly shuns stereotypical judgments. I hope Mayer includes himself in his warning, "All women must realize they are fighting against the perceptions of males who are confused...." I don't doubt that Ken Mayer's heart is in the right place. It takes a courageous man to question the morality of judging women based on appearance, and attempt to see women as human beings instead of creatures for male gratification. The journey is a considerable one. But when he asks, "Which woman do we really want to be a model for womanhood in today's stressful and demanding world?" my reply is, "NO model based on appearance or body size!" In an accepting environment, real people are free to script unique definitions of themselves - resulting in such a diverse array as to make models irrelevant. When diversity is valued, everyone is honored. Personal preference, while always valid, does not establish worth. Opening ourselves to the value of others - whatever their characteristics - enriches our humanity.