The Real You: Becoming the Person You Want to Be [Paperback]

Dr. Kevin Leman (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 1, 2004

"I believe that personality makeovers are just as possible as appearance makeovers," claims birth order guru Dr. Kevin Leman. Now available in paper, The Real You delivers the goods on how readers can figure themselves out, ditch the bad stuff that's been holding them back, and maximize their undeveloped strengths. Leman guides the reader through four main personality grids-birth order, the four classic personality types, childhood memories, and love languages. Readers will learn how to develop positive habits, use self talk to work through times of failure, marshal their imaginative energy in dealing with problems, and more. Once readers really understand themselves-their strengths, their weaknesses, their predispositions, the forces of nature and the family background that shaped them into the people they are-there will be no holding them back, asserts Leman. For anyone who wants to climb vocational mountains, break out of relational ruts, and forge new social patterns, The Real You invites them to build on who they are and become their personal best.

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

With these two books, the publisher enters the self-help arena, and the results are disappointing. The usually sound Leman (Bringing Up Kids Without Tearing Them Down) misfires here. In the book's first half, he stresses the importance of individual birth order and personality type (sanguine, melancholic, phlegmatic, and choleric) in defining one's true self. He then contradicts those arguments for predisposition by claiming, "You are the way you are because of the choices you have made in response to your surrounding environment." Leman would like readers "to rethink everything [they've] been doing," but he doesn't explain why. Vaguely Christian in tone, the book lacks anything practical and is filled with fluffy anecdotes about celebrities, e.g., Charlton Heston is presented as a typical first born. Not recommended. Best-selling Christian author Harley's work is similarly superficial. The titular metaphor characterizes people in relationships. Freeloaders are "only willing to give and receive care if it comes almost effortlessly." " 'Renters' are willing to improve their ability to care as long as it is in their best interest to do so." "Buyers [are] committed to providing exclusive and permanent care in a romantic relationship." This scheme takes the author (His Needs, Her Needs) only so far; while clever enough for a little while, the book ultimately dehumanizes and oversimplifies complex human relationships. Pass.
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

From the Back Cover

Know yourself-then reinvent a better you! Dr. Kevin Leman has fantastic news for those ready to create positive changes in their lives. Whatever flaws you think you have can be reworked and changed-for good. Unlock the secrets of your birth order, your childhood memories, your "love language," and your natural personality bent. The Real You is an informative and fascinating guide through these four personality indicators that have shaped you into the person you are today. Once you really understand yourself-your strengths, weaknesses, predispositions, the forces of nature, and your family background-there will be no holding you back, promises Dr. Leman. You can build on who you already are to become your personal best in your relationships, in your career, and at home. Dr. Kevin Leman is an internationally known psychologist, humorist, radio and TV personality, and best-selling author of The New Birth Order Book, Making Children Mind without Losing Yours, The Birth Order Connection, Sex Begins in the Kitchen, and Adolescence Isn't Terminal-It Just Feels Like It. He is founder and co-host of realFAMILIES and president of Couples of Promise. He and his wife, Sande, live in Tucson, Arizona.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: Revell (January 1, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0800758129
• ISBN-13: 978-0800758127
• Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.5 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.5 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,205,013 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Dr. Kevin Leman, an internationally known psychologist, radio and television personality, and speaker, has taught and entertained audiences worldwide with his wit and commonsense psychology. The best-selling and award-winning author has made house calls for hundreds of radio and television programs, including "The View" with Barbara Walters, "The Today Show," "Oprah," CBS's "The Early Show," "Live with Regis Philbin," CNN's "American Morning," and "LIFE Today" with James Robison, and he has served as a contributing family psychologist to "Good Morning America." He is the founder and president of Couples of Promise, an organization designed and committed to helping couples remain happily married. Dr. Leman is also a charter faculty member of iQuestions.com. He has written over 30 best-selling books about marriage and family issues, including "The Birth Order Book" and "Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage." Dr. Leman and his wife, Sande, live in Tucson. They have five children.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

35 of 35 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An outstanding, illuminating and accessible book., October 29, 2002

By 

C. Puffer (NY, NY) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Real You: Become the Person You Were Meant to Be (Hardcover)

I don't usually read self-knowledge/self-help books, and even more rarely finish them. The genre tends to suffer from poor writing, overuse of jargon, academic axe-grinding, and the smug tendency of the authors to try and jam you into their pet, pigeon-holed theories. (I wonder how many of those authors are first-borns, and if that's part of the problem for this last-born son?) I found "The Real You" to be mercifully free of all the flaws listed above, as well as a highly illuminating and pleasurable read. In fact, I not only finished "The Real You", I read it twice! (And so did two of the people I subsequently gave it to!) Dr. Leman presents four different methods of looking into your personality, and manages to do so without being either superficial or unwieldy. His acknowledged specialty is birth order, but the other sections are excellent too; the birth order part is also remarkably handy for starting party conversations that aren't banal. More importantly, this book may enable you to have some of the conversations you've never gotten around to with your loved ones. In summary, if you were to read only one self-knowledge book in a decade, I'd recommend "The Real You."

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Food for Thought, May 5, 2004

By A Customer

This review is from: The Real You: Become the Person You Were Meant to Be (Hardcover)

The book provides a good basis for thinking about who you are and what you are looking for in life. Starting with personality theory, the author talks about the core personality traits of the 4 main personalities choleric, sanguine, melancholy, phlegmatic. Then moving to birth order, he talks about how we are influenced by our family, specifically the ways we learn to get attention. Then discussing childhood memories, he makes the point that our earliest memories are the story of who we are that has the most meaning to us - memories that we've subconsciouslly selected, perhaps even editted, that represent us and how we relate to the world. Lastly, Leman discusses love languages - how to understand what makes you feel loved, and how to let the people you love know you love them, in a way that means the most to them. So once you understand yourself, and know the kind of person to look for in a mate, you can keep the person you find!

This is a pretty good book. There are gaps, details that get missed, and some of the subjects he talks about really just give you enough information to get the gist of it, without too much detail. There are lots of examples to explain more what he means, but I found myself with a lot of questions. Yet, I would still recommend the book, and rated it 4 stars, because it covers the ideas it does present in a clear, understandable, readable way. The different parts of the book blend together well, and I found myself with a much stronger idea of who I am after reading this book and thinking about what it had to say.

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Very Interesting Book, December 12, 2004

By 

Cynthia Reader "Cindy" (Texas) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Real You: Becoming the Person You Want to Be (Paperback)

I found this book in the mark down bin at the local books store and am so glad I brought it home. Dr. Leman touches on how birth order, early childhood memories and even your parents' style of parenting affects the development of your personality. This book provides lots of insight on things I never even thought about before. Also, his writing style is a pleasure to read, as he uses personal anecdotes to illustrate his points.