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Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by Letting Yourself Be Loved Paperback – October 4, 2005


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Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by Letting Yourself Be Loved + Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition + Keeping the Love You Find: A Personal Guide
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 320 pages
  • Publisher: Atria Books (October 4, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0743483707
  • ISBN-13: 978-0743483704
  • Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.6 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (18 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #33,927 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In an intelligent and insightful volume, Hendrix and Hunt, cocreators of Imago Relationship Therapy and coauthors of Getting the Love You Want, share their solution to a common relationship problem: the difficulty of accepting love, expressed by, for example, criticizing a gift from one's partner or spurning an intimate gesture. The authors, husband and wife, begin by talking painfully about how their own marriage nearly ended because Harville, despite obvious evidence to the contrary, didn't feel loved by his wife. As the authors note, there are many ways "to defend yourself against someone else's desire to encourage, help, or love you," whether because you overvalue your partner and feel unworthy of his or her love, or because you devalue that partner and see him or her as unworthy of giving love. The authors instruct readers to examine their childhood dynamics for unconscious influences on their view of relationships, such as uncomfortable feelings of self-rejection. And taking a page from Martin Buber, they also focus on what is "between" the I and Thou in a relationship, "the sacred space between two individuals" that can unite them or serve as a "dumping ground" for anger. These complicated concepts become clear as illustrated through in-depth looks at three heterosexual and same-sex couples. And through their Imago dialoguing technique, the authors also provide concrete steps to learn how to have a truly empathetic conversation that gets beneath the surface of a couple's problems. With this wise and sophisticated book, readers can learn to receive love and, in doing so, "reclaim [their] own desires, dreams and abilities."
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

"Intelligent and insightful...wise and sophisticated."
-- Publishers Weekly (starred review)

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Customer Reviews

4.3 out of 5 stars
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It has made me grow tremendously and look at the world with a new light!
Hook
It provides many case studies on relationships showing how subtle, insidious and destructive the behavior pattern of refusing to receive love is.
reading guy
It turns out that loving your partner is the best way to facilitate your own personal and spiritual growth.
Carl T. Ball

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

73 of 78 people found the following review helpful By Carl T. Ball on September 23, 2007
Format: Paperback
A very interesting and insightful book. Here are some representative excerpts.

God can be more easily found in human love than in the human mind - from the Brothers Karamazov

Ongoing interaction with a long-term partner can be an agent of transformation more powerful than any other. We have come to believe that it is the clearest way for transformation to occur.

Sooner or later in every relationship the initial attraction turns into a power struggle as couples find themselves facing in their spouse the same behavior and attitudes that drove them crazy in their parents. (Or it could be they project issues they had in the past with other people onto their spouse).

It turns out that loving your partner is the best way to facilitate your own personal and spiritual growth.

The impulse to step away from positive input is an indication that you have problems receiving love.

The most important commitment we (the authors) made were to end negativity and move toward amplifying the positive, even though we said many times we didn't know how to do that.

Separate Knowing = what is real and true exists independently of who is doing the observing.

Connected Knowing = Let me suspend my critical judgments for a minute and see if I can enter your world and try to feel the truth of what you are saying.

We are formed from every important relationship we have ever had.

No one comes to a relationship empty handed. There are all kinds of information, prejudice, wishful thinking, and expectations interjected between people before they really get to know each other.

Self-rejection and self-hatred are directly related to the problems people have in receiving love; i.e., "I'm not good enough".
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48 of 51 people found the following review helpful By Pie Dumas on February 20, 2006
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I am familiar with Hendrix's Imago workshop format, attended one years ago in NY with my significant other. It was one of the most challenging and difficult weekend experiences of my life! The relationship did not last, having NOTHING to do with the workshop (it was hanging by threads before).
Years later, a good friend who is a therapist, recommended Receiving Love. I felt quite resistant, based on my limited experience, however, since I know many couples who have benefitted from Harville's work, I decided my resistance must mean there is something for me to learn.
I am learning and opening my heart to issues I thought were healed. Maybe some stuff is never complete... at least for me, I sometimes need more fine tuning, to rehash areas of my childhood that may be lingering quietly in the dark recesses.
The book is a valuable guide (even for those not in relationship right now, like me) to clarify why things are not working in the "sample" couples. In fact, I think the sampling covers just about any potential issue, except perhaps extreme abuse.
The exercises are very challenging, I've only done the easy ones so far. The material is deeply thought-provoking, solidly researched and presented with compassion and intellect.
I appreciate the Hendrixes work, style and dedication to helping people discover themselves. This material offers the endless opportunity to heal yourself and help your mate heal their childhood wounds. Isn't that what we all want?
Give yourself and your partner a huge gift... read this book, then do the exercises. And talk and keep talking...
Pie Dumas - Author & Life Coach
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25 of 26 people found the following review helpful By reading guy on March 28, 2009
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I highly recommend this book to anyone who has a childhood that was unstable, neglectful or abusive or who is in a relationship with a person with an unstable childhood. This book provides concrete strategies for overcoming the unconscious sabotaging that frequently results from such backgrounds.
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I finished this book feeling a great sense of sadness because it explained so clearly why my last relationship - with the love of my life - failed. The hope of the book is that it gives communication techniques for creating emotional intimacy in a relationship.
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The book's premise is that many people are blind to the fact that they create barriers towards receiving love. I had never thought of this before but can apply it directly to my own life: I never thought that I deserved to be happy or to be loved. Similarly, in my last relationship I did everything possible to reach out to my girlfriend and open myself up emotionally to her, but the more I reached out, the more she shut down; I see now that she was simply refusing to accept love and had a block towards emotional intimacy, empathy and compassion because she carries so much unresolved baggage.
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This book explains in great detail the reasons for this self-sabotaging behavior, most often directly tied to childhood abuse and neglect. It provides many case studies on relationships showing how subtle, insidious and destructive the behavior pattern of refusing to receive love is.
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Most importantly, the book gives a very thoughtful, positive and counter-intuitive strategy to allow oneself to begin receiving love.
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I am so sad for what has been lost in my life, but this book provides hope for the future.
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