Reclaiming Our Daughters: What Parenting a Pre-Teen Taught Me About Real Girls (previously published as My Girl) [Paperback]

Karen Stabiner (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 14, 2007

Reclaiming Our Daughters (previously published as My Girl) offers a fresh and long-needed perspective on pre-teen and teen girls, one that finally brings a message of hope and optimism about girls today.

Part memoir, part sociological examination, Karen Stabiner observes her daughter, Sarah, as she navigates her critical pre-teen years, a time when girls become adolescents and are rumored to become increasingly difficult and alienated. However, unlike most writing on the subject, Stabiner presents a well-rounded account of parenting a coming-of-age girl. She writes eloquently about societal pressures on girls and of her determination to be her daughter's advocate. This mother-daughter relationship is generally warm and close, though when it's difficult, as it inevitably is at times, Stabiner writes honestly about the challenges. In doing so, she unravels the bad-girl stereotypes we’ve all believed in for too long.

Reclaiming Our Daughters (previously published as My Girl) is both supportive and encouraging, written by a mother who cares about lifting our daughters up and providing them with the skills they need to become successful, strong, independent-minded women.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Girls turn into monsters as soon as they reach puberty-or so many mothers have warned Stabiner (All Girls). But in this charming memoir, the author argues that such doomsday predictions are not necessarily true. The mother of a relatively well-adjusted pre-teen, Stabiner describes her relationship with 11-year-old Sarah to show that mothers and daughters can live together peacefully. Rather than offering specific parenting advice, Stabiner chronicles her personal experience as a mother, touching on such universal themes as self-esteem, middle-school cliques and dealing with the turbulent emotions of adolescence. Her relationship with Sarah is not always perfect, and Stabiner describes their quarrels with honesty and emotional insight, but ultimately, their bond remains strong throughout (though skeptical readers will wonder if this will remain the case when Sarah turns 15 or 16). Stabiner's personal account won't be of much help to parents of severely troubled teens, and it provides no easy answers for how to ensure a great mother-daughter relationship. Nonetheless, her success story is an inspiring and refreshing rebuttal to the "embattled teen caricature." --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

From Booklist

Stabiner, whose acclaimed titles include All Girls: Single-Sex Education and Why It Matters (2002), tells her own story in this vivid, intimate memoir about watching her daughter enter adolescence. In a moving introduction, Stabiner discusses the "embattled caricature" of teenage girls as victims of eating disorders, low self-esteem, bullying, and more, pointing out that a recent spate of related titles have focused on a small percentage of teens, many of whom are in treatment for problems. As Stabiner says, "happy girls need not apply." In fluid, highly quotable prose, she relates her changing relationship with her daughter, alternating personal scenes with research and expert opinion. Readers may not find every sea-change moment compelling; Stabiner's debates, for example, about buying her daughter a horse may not connect with those parents facing more serious concerns. But her perspective on healthy girls is refreshing and important, and many readers will be grateful for Stabiner's humor, candor, and insight into parenting and the small moments that create the deepest bonds between parents and children. Gillian Engberg
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 280 pages
• Publisher: Seal Press (March 14, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1580052134
• ISBN-13: 978-1580052139
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.5 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,593,797 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

14 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars A positive message, but oblivious to most of our realities, May 23, 2005

By 

Suzanne Amara (MA) - See all my reviews
(TOP 1000 REVIEWER)    (VINE VOICE)   

This review is from: My Girl: Adventures with a Teen in Training (Hardcover)

I very much liked the encouraging message of My Girl. It was great to read about a positive mother/daughter relationship, and a pre-teen going into being a teenager without all the horrible issues the media would have us believe are rampart. Sarah sounds like a very sweet girl, and Karen Stabiner a devoted and caring mother.

That said, I must admit that the book bothered me in several ways. One is an issue that I have with many parenting books and narratives. Although the author wants to think they live a life most of us can relate to, most of us do NOT have all the resources they do. If you can afford to buy a horse (even with some bargaining), pay for private school (with no mention of scholarships), go on a long vacation to Italy and so on, you have tools at your disposal that the average family does not. I know many children grow up into their teenage years happily without such things, but it sure would make it easier to not have to deal with inferior public schools, to have the luxury of time away in a foreign country, and to be able to nurture an interest like horse showmanship.

My question is always---what is the purpose of this book? If it's to tell about a specific family's story---fine. But there's really not enough here for that. It's not a story that is fascinating enough to really interest those who don't know the people involved personally. If it's to give an example for others---well, I for one very much doubt that many of us at all could do the things that Karen did for Sarah. We COULD provide that kind of love, but I can see myself with my daughter in the future having to send her to, horror of horrors, public school (as my sons attend) and us NEVER having the luxury of a long vacation in Italy, and even if she loves horses, I think our exposure to them will be limited to rides at carnivals. I think books like this are written in a way for the author's inner circle---like those other authors giving testimonials on the back cover.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars My Girl - A Teen In Training, April 6, 2007

By 

purplcav "purplcav" (Cleveland, OH USA) - See all my reviews

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This review is from: Reclaiming Our Daughters: What Parenting a Pre-Teen Taught Me About Real Girls (previously published as My Girl) (Paperback)

I have had this book for about a year and needless to say, I am not even on page 100. Every time I have tried to read this book, it seems like I am reading about the authors experiences, rather than the experiences she has had with her daughter. It got so boring that I have to put it down. Every time I pick it up, I forgot what was going on in the pages before. On a recent family trip in the car, I brought this book with me, with yet again, another attempt to TRY to read it and give it yet, another chance. After only reading a few pages, I said to my husband and daughter, "No matter how I try, I can't read this book!" The author has taught me nothing about my tween, almost 12 years old. I only read about HER (the author's) feelings and experiences about herself growing up and things that are happening with her, which hardly touched on the experiences she was having with her daughter or the interactions she has had with her daughter or any conflicts, hard times or happy times she has had with her daughter. In my opinion, save your money or try to get it from the library. I thought I was going to read a book about my tween in training, but the best training is going through the daily grinds and figuring it out yourself. There is no better training than to be with your own girl and her friends and being a part of their lives and trying to come down to their level, singing, being silly, and sitting on the floor eating popcorn with them. Sorry.

5 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Tiptoeing Around a Teen in Training, September 13, 2005

By 

TB "Mommy to 3 great kids" (Danville, CA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: My Girl: Adventures with a Teen in Training (Hardcover)

I thought this book was a waste of my reading time. I saw a review on the Today Show, and read several postive reviews as well, and it piqued my interest. What I thought may be a book about how to deal with and accept the coming changes/challenges of a mother/pre-teen daughter relationship was a book about a mother seeming to tiptoe around her daughter's emotional state. What is Sarah going to think about this, what is she going to say about that, etc.? The only reason I gave it 2 stars instead of 1 is that I applaud the time spent Karen and Sarah spent together. Something that should be done in all parent-child relationships.

I would like to think there are better books on this subject.