Reconcilable Differences [Hardcover]

Andrew Christensen (Author), Neil S. Jacobson (Author)

Book Description

ISBN-10: 1572302615 | ISBN-13: 978-1572302617 | Publication Date: January 15, 2000 | Edition: 1

Every couple has arguments, but what happens when recurring battles begin to feel like full-scale war? Do you retreat in hurt and angry silence, hoping that a spouse who "just doesn't get it" will eventually see things your way? Spend the time between skirmishes gathering evidence that you're right? Demand some immediate changes--or else? Whether due to innate personality traits or emotional vulnerabilities, there are some aspects of our behaviour that are difficult to alter. But these differences do not have to get in the way of healthy, happy, and long-lasting romance. This practical guide offers new solutions for couples frustrated by continual attempts to make each other change. Aided by thought-provoking exercises and lots of real-life examples, readers will learn why they keep having the same fights again and again; how to keep small incompatibilities from causing big problems; and how true acceptance can restore health to their relationships.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Finally, a tested and therapeutic technique to help couples help themselves. It is straightforward, fair to both men and women, and each chapter is practical and wise. This is a book that couples can use together. It is easy to follow and not overwhelming. Most of all, this book will help couples in crisis to see each other's humanity and to find a way to understanding and acceptance and yes, change."--Pepper Schwartz, PhD, author of Love Between Equals

"This book speaks directly to the heart. Couples in conflict will recognize themselves in these pages and this reflection will gain their trust. The authors have written this book sensitively, with great clinical wisdom. Readers will learn how to heal their relationships and create the intimacy they want." --John Gottman, PhD, University of Washington, author of Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

"This well-researched and well-written book is exactly what quarreling couples need to extricate themselves from tangles of blame and accusation. It is not just a pep talk, but a practical, hands-on guide for all couples with conflicts--which is to say, all couples." --Carol Tavris, PhD, author of Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion

"This is an insightful and inspiring analysis of the kinds of conflicts couples experience, and how they may change and experience greater intimacy. Eschewing easy answers and simple-minded solutions, the book tackles the complexities of intimate conflict in ways that clarify the contradictions and ironies that lovers confront. Based on their groundbreaking approach to couple therapy and their extensive research on marriage, Christensen and Jacobson offer couples sophisticated and powerful tools for reconciling their differences." --Elizabeth Loftus, PhD, Department of Psychology, University of Washington, President, American Psychological Society

"One virtue of the book is its utter realism....Offers a slew of tools that couples can use to reconcile their differences without the help of a therapist." --Jane Brody, New York Times

"Packed with data, wisdom, and common sense." --Polly Drew, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel

From the Back Cover

Finally, a tested and therapeutic technique to help couples help themselves. It is straightforward, fair to both men and women, and each chapter is practical and wise. This is a book that couples can use together....It will help couples in crisis to see each other's humanity and to find a way to understanding and acceptance and yes, change (Pepper Schwartz, PhD, author of Love Between Equals).

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 333 pages
• Publisher: Guilford Press; 1 edition (January 15, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1572302615
• ISBN-13: 978-1572302617
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6.3 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #142,722 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

74 of 78 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Looking for hope in your marriage? Buy this book!, July 5, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Reconcilable Differences (Hardcover)

This book adds evidence to my belief that psychologists who stick close to science and away from fad theories can contribute tremendously to our world. These two authors have done their homework and have come up with a compelling theory on healing marital discord. Why do I think so? If a theory is true, it should describe a wide variety of data, in this case, marriages. It describes the difficulties in my marriage to a tee, and if it doesn't describe almost all marriages, I'll eat my hat. The method for change is the other great part of the book. To me, it basically says couples spend too much time believing they see the world correctly and set out to correct the wrong part (their spouses). We have enough trouble trying to accept change to fix our own faults, what makes us think we can change our spouses? What makes us think we see our marriage accurately? We should learn to see the world as it really is and work with that. This book is invaluable help to anyone looking for help for their marriage.

52 of 55 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Reconcilable Differences, March 16, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Reconcilable Differences (Hardcover)

This book should be on the shelf of all married couples homes. After experimenting with some of the suggestions offered, I noticed a surprising change in behavior for both myself and my hubbie. One may learn to think in new ways about how to handle disputes of many kinds after reading this book (even if only one partner agrees to read it).

52 of 67 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Defusing arguments, accepting differences., February 3, 2000

By 

Midwest Book Review (Oregon, WI USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Reconcilable Differences (Hardcover)

Why couples have the same fights, and how differences can be reconciled. This teaches how to defuse arguments, accept differences, and learn acceptance and change on both sides. Chapters give plenty of case history examples on the process of learning new strategies for getting along.