Customer Reviews

Reconcilable Differences

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This book adds evidence to my belief that psychologists who stick close to science and away from fad theories can contribute tremendously to our world. These two authors have done their homework and have come up with a compelling theory on healing marital discord. Why do I think so? If a theory is true, it should describe a wide variety of data, in this case, marriages. It describes the difficulties in my marriage to a tee, and if it doesn't describe almost all marriages, I'll eat my hat. The method for change is the other great part of the book. To me, it basically says couples spend too much time believing they see the world correctly and set out to correct the wrong part (their spouses). We have enough trouble trying to accept change to fix our own faults, what makes us think we can change our spouses? What makes us think we see our marriage accurately? We should learn to see the world as it really is and work with that. This book is invaluable help to anyone looking for help for their marriage.

This book should be on the shelf of all married couples homes. After experimenting with some of the suggestions offered, I noticed a surprising change in behavior for both myself and my hubbie. One may learn to think in new ways about how to handle disputes of many kinds after reading this book (even if only one partner agrees to read it).

Why couples have the same fights, and how differences can be reconciled. This teaches how to defuse arguments, accept differences, and learn acceptance and change on both sides. Chapters give plenty of case history examples on the process of learning new strategies for getting along.

I found this book to be an insightful and interesting read. Their many examples of couple issues from real couples resonated with me. Their descriptions of the perspectives of each member of the couple was especially insightful because their descriptions/discussions usually nailed it with respect to how I myself have felt in similar situations (and explained the feelings better and more powerfully than I am usually able to do) and also really helped me see and understand the perspective of the other person. It definitely provides a good mindset for solving problems instead of placing blame.

The most useful book of its kind for working with couples in conflict,
practical clear and well thought out. I use it chapter by chapter as its so great as an educational tool. Not for those looking for a band aid job,its "the" book to have.

This is one of a small number of books I recommend to married couples in my clinical psychology practice. This is not usually the first book that I ask them to read, but typically the second. For quicker, more practical communication technqiues, read Fighting for Your Marriage by Markman, Stanley, and Blumberg.

This book is a very good way for couples to learn which differences they should attempt to change and which differences they should learn to accept. It suggests ways to learn to accept differences between spouses. It is helpful to change the couple's approach to differences between them. Although most readers would not realize this, Reconcilable Differences was written by two very famous names in the field of marital research.

Most couples will like this book, and if they read it slowly and try to use each of the suggested techniques every week, they should benefit from it. It does require the active use of many of the suggestions to help a couple, so be ready to do a little work. As they say, you will get out of this book what you put into it. Highly recommended.

I needed this book for a class I'm taking and though it's not the most recent publication, I found that it was a great decision to buy this version for less. That I had the older publication was never a problem.

Staying Together When an Affair Pulls You Apart (Judah, Stephen M., Ph.D., IVP Books. Downers Grove, Il. 2006) and, Reconcilable Differences.

Here are two excellent resources for those of us working with marital couples when one party has had an affair. Stephen Judah quotes the research summary of nine studies that suggest affairs occur more frequently than believed. 50% of all married couples may experience infidelity over the course of their marriage. When couples cohabit, the rates are even higher.

Judah looks at the three types of affairs: 1.) Sexual, 2.)Non-penetrating, i.e., no sexual intercourse, and 3.)Affairs of the heart. He notes that even though affairs all differ, they are very much the same when it comes to the impact on the spouse.

He discusses at length what he considers to be the main causes of affairs, how they develop over time, the conditions that lead up to an affair, and then what causes someone to cross the line into an active affair.
But the major part of the book looks at the healing process couples He begins with a discussion on what to tell and how, then how the process of reconciliation takes place, the correction of the issues that led to the affair, and how to go beyond the pain to see not only the positives still in the marriage, and be able to envision a future beyond the pain.

Virginia Holman's books looks at affairs, but goes beyond that subject to deal with other damaging issues that occur in a marriage, what she calls marriages at the crossroads. She talks about our need to grow up on the inside as we grow together as a couple.

A major portion of Holman's book looks at seeking and extending forgiveness, how we rebuild trust, and build a new future together. Reconciliation is a major theme of her book, and she uses case studies to show the practical applications of what she is describing.

Both authors speak from the perspective of private practice, so what they have written is valuable to the marital counselor, but both are also written in a style that will be helpful to the couple being counseled. They both do an excellent job of weaving together biblical insight with current psychological studies. Holman is now the professor of counseling at Asbury Theological Seminary.

Final Note: Telephone and Online Counseling may be a great way to help struggling couples. Learn to Provide Telephone and Online Counseling with this book: The Therapist's Clinical Guide to Online Counseling and Telephone Counseling: The Definitive Training Guide for Clinical Practice