Reconciliation: A Son's Story [Kindle Edition]

Steve Sparks (Author)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

In a new ground breaking memoir, "Reconciliation: A Son's Story", the author reflects back on his father's war time experiences as the context underlying his own family dynamics and abuse. Through the author's research and study of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), he comes to understand his father's behavior and how this deeply impacted the family which eventually leads to healing.

Steve Sparks writes, "I owe my success in part to my Dad, but not without a high price. I call this 'collateral damage' from living in a family culture affected by Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). At that time, men at war and coming home from war were too proud to share their stories and admit that anything in the way of mental illness was on the table for discussion. My Dad was no different than thousands of veterans with similar symptoms, especially those who were battle weary and emotionally damaged. The children and wives and others close to these men would have to experiment and learn how to navigate our way through a terrible circumstance. We did it well, but not without scars that often show. WWII has been in our past for well over a half century, and most of the 'Greatest Generation' passed on, but the effects of PTSD carry forward just like bad genes. We are still feeling the effects of WWII when PTSD was not studied and treatment was minimal. As a result, we are just beginning to address the realities of PTSD, including diagnosis and treatment, along with complete recovery from this unfortunate mental illness is now possible."

This is a true American story about father who went to war and came back changed by what he saw and by what he experienced. How this impacted his family was profound, yet unrecognized for what it was back then. Today we know much more about the effects of PTSD on the individual, but what about the family members closest to that person? This story of living through a toxic environment yet ultimately coming to an understanding leads to the long sought reconciliation of a son with his father.

A very timely book, this may help the thousands of families of veterans of our own current generation returning from their war experiences to better understand the effects of PTSD on the family.

About the Author:
Steve Sparks is a retired information technology sales and marketing executive following over 35 years beginning with the US Navy as a radioman in 1963. He Graduated with a BA in Management from St. Mary’s College, Moraga, California. Steve is married to his soul mate and business partner, Judy, and lives on the Oregon coast. He is the proud father of 3 grown daughters and 4 grandchildren and 1 great grandchild. In addition to writing, Steve’s current passion and life work is mentoring and improving the education of K-12 kids, including helping the responsible non-profit agency Neighbors for Kids achieve sustainability.

Product Details

• Format: Kindle Edition
• File Size: 1165 KB
• Publisher: Signalman Publishing (October 19, 2011)
• Sold by: Amazon Digital Services
• Language: English
• ASIN: B005XMAB2W
• Text-to-Speech: Enabled
• Lending: Enabled
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #259,221 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)

More About the Author

Depoe Bay, Oregon, United States
A retired information technology sales and marketing executive following over 35 years beginning with the US Navy as a radioman in 1963. Graduated with a BA in Management from St. Mary's College, Moraga, California. Married to my soulmate Judy and living on the Oregon coast, I have 3 grown daughters and 4 grandchildren and 1 great grandchild. My current passion and life work is mentoring and improving the education of K-12 kids, including helping the responsibile non-profit agency www.neighborsforkids.org achieve sustainabilit

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars From Flight to Fight, November 13, 2011

By 

Michael E. Tymn (Kailua, Hawaii) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Reconciliation: A Son's Story (Paperback)

The first thing I noticed about author Steve Sparks when I met him 6-7 years ago was his friendly smile. But there was something in his eyes that belied the smile. I couldn't quite figure out whether it was suppressed rage or a deep hurt. As I jokingly told Steve, I sometimes wondered if under that seemingly calm but assertive demeanor there might be a "loose cannon" hiding. Now that I have read his very interesting and intriguing story, I understand.

This book is about the author's battle with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) - his father's and his own. What made it an especially difficult battle was that it was against an enemy that wore camouflage.

We learn early on in the book that Vernon Sparks, Steve's father, was both physically and emotionally abusive when Steve and his siblings were growing up. He was aboard the USS West Virginia when Pearl Harbor came under surprise attack on December 7, 1941 and witnessed all the horror of that event. He saw one of his fellow sailors have his head literally blown off his shoulders and he ended up swimming through oil-filled waters to safety. He then served throughout the war, often in the thick of it, including escorting Marines to their landings on Iwo Jima. Although he was treated briefly for "combat fatigue" (also called "battle fatigue") at the end of the war, his abusive behavior was never linked to his war experiences. As Steve Sparks points out in the book, PTSD was never completely recognized until the Vietnam War or after it. Even less recognized, as Sparks discovered, is that the trauma of living with an abusive parent suffering from PTSD can result in PTSD for the child, as seems to have been the case with him and his siblings. "We never knew when our Dad would go off and start kicking us around for things we didn't really understand at the time," Sparks writes. "It happened more often when our mother was nagging him and he had an anxiety attack. Too bad medical research had not progressed enough to provide him with a calming medication."

In examining his own life, including his long battle with alcohol abuse and self-destructive behavior in both his professional and personal experience, Sparks was able to recognize his own PTSD, including the reason he had become a "control freak" during the first half of his life. "Those people suffering from PTSD symptoms like to be in control," he explains. "You also have to be brutal and less caring about others..."

Like his father, Sparks served in the Navy, but was diagnosed with "emotional instability" after two years of service. Fortunately, he was able to succeed in business, although it was often at the expense of personal relationships. "I found ways to cope with my less than understood PTSD symptoms, but did not know what was driving my obsession with achievement through work and education," he explains. "I never got to the root problem until now." He goes on to say that he now recognizes it as a question of "fight vs. flight" in terms of self-development and career. In retrospect, he sees that he usually opted for "flight," since he often ran away from his problems, finding escape only in alcohol, which he was able to overcome 11 years ago in order to save his marriage.

The book is divided into three parts - history, coping and living with PTSD, and lessons learned, with an epilogue discussing the path to self-discovery. Sparks has clearly done much research in the area of PTSD, citing a number of studies of the still not-fully recognized disorder and its inter-generational effects. There is much food for thought, and anyone who has had similar experiences will have much to reflect on when reading this book.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Reconciliation-A Son's Story by Steve Sparks, November 11, 2011

By 

Les - See all my reviews

This review is from: Reconciliation: A Son's Story (Paperback)

On this 2011 Veteran's Day I want to highly recommend this book to all the Veterans from World War II all the way thru the current Iraq&Afganistan wars to please read this book on the effects of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder(PTSD)on the family and the returning Vets from Wars. Steve Sparks relays the story of his Toxic Family upbringing in a household of PTSD resulting from a Father who served in World Way II and Korea and spent 66 straight months in combat. He was a hero by day and a victim of PTSD at night when he was at home with his family. Steve grew up filled with HATE along with his three brothers and one sister. His story is his way of understanding his parents better and the effects of PTSD on the family and hopefully helping other families understand the effects of it on the children and parents. Its is only recently that the Military and Health Care Professional have recognized this condition and are treating our Veterans. I personally am a Viet Nam veteran and the book really ministered to me and helped me understand that I also went thru this when I came home from Nam.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Reconciliation- A Sons Story, November 5, 2011

By 

Chaslan - See all my reviews

This review is from: Reconciliation: A Son's Story (Kindle Edition)

I am an early baby boomer born in 1945 just days after WWII ended. Both my uncle and father participated in that war. My uncle retired an admiral but was captain of a destroyer which was severely damaged by torpedo in the Pacific Theater of WWII. As a young child I remember him telling me stories of that fateful day and his efforts that saved the ship and brought it back safely but not without loss of life and severe injuries. It was my first understanding of the tragedies of war and, while devastating, it instilled in me an interest in war and it's effects on the millions of people who have been impacted over my 65+ year history on earth and even before (I have always had an interest in and studied the US Civil War) I have followed closely the major conflicts in Korea, Viet Nam, Iraq, and Afghanistan. The casualty counts in these wars have been horrific. Mostly all we hear about are the physical destruction of life and limb (those killed in action and wounded) via the daily counts as published on the internet or newspapers.

Until recently we rarely have been exposed to the psychological impacts of war that have had major devastating effects on individuals and families lives. As indicated in the book these have always been referred to as "Battle Fatigue" I have heard stories, seen some movies on the topic and maybe read a few articles but nothing as enlightening and definitive as this portrayed by author Steve Sparks in this telling expose on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Mr. Sparks does a masterful job of bringing to light the destructive effects of PTSD by reliving his own lifelong experiences with the disease and its impact on him, his family, career, and society. Not only do we learn of the struggles and exponential damage this disease has caused but on the positive side we also learn ways in how to cope with PTSD and more importantly key lessons learned in this author's experiences in the healing, hope and path to self discovery. This is a timely narrative. I would highly recommend it to any of the 8 million servicemen and their families who have either experienced PTSD or may yet experience it. The book could provide some valuable understanding and long overdue closure or, better yet, stave off a lifelong struggle in having to deal with the destructive impact of this crippling disease.