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Reconciliation: A Son's Story

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The first thing I noticed about author Steve Sparks when I met him 6-7 years ago was his friendly smile. But there was something in his eyes that belied the smile. I couldn't quite figure out whether it was suppressed rage or a deep hurt. As I jokingly told Steve, I sometimes wondered if under that seemingly calm but assertive demeanor there might be a "loose cannon" hiding. Now that I have read his very interesting and intriguing story, I understand.

This book is about the author's battle with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) - his father's and his own. What made it an especially difficult battle was that it was against an enemy that wore camouflage.

We learn early on in the book that Vernon Sparks, Steve's father, was both physically and emotionally abusive when Steve and his siblings were growing up. He was aboard the USS West Virginia when Pearl Harbor came under surprise attack on December 7, 1941 and witnessed all the horror of that event. He saw one of his fellow sailors have his head literally blown off his shoulders and he ended up swimming through oil-filled waters to safety. He then served throughout the war, often in the thick of it, including escorting Marines to their landings on Iwo Jima. Although he was treated briefly for "combat fatigue" (also called "battle fatigue") at the end of the war, his abusive behavior was never linked to his war experiences. As Steve Sparks points out in the book, PTSD was never completely recognized until the Vietnam War or after it. Even less recognized, as Sparks discovered, is that the trauma of living with an abusive parent suffering from PTSD can result in PTSD for the child, as seems to have been the case with him and his siblings. "We never knew when our Dad would go off and start kicking us around for things we didn't really understand at the time," Sparks writes. "It happened more often when our mother was nagging him and he had an anxiety attack. Too bad medical research had not progressed enough to provide him with a calming medication."

In examining his own life, including his long battle with alcohol abuse and self-destructive behavior in both his professional and personal experience, Sparks was able to recognize his own PTSD, including the reason he had become a "control freak" during the first half of his life. "Those people suffering from PTSD symptoms like to be in control," he explains. "You also have to be brutal and less caring about others..."

Like his father, Sparks served in the Navy, but was diagnosed with "emotional instability" after two years of service. Fortunately, he was able to succeed in business, although it was often at the expense of personal relationships. "I found ways to cope with my less than understood PTSD symptoms, but did not know what was driving my obsession with achievement through work and education," he explains. "I never got to the root problem until now." He goes on to say that he now recognizes it as a question of "fight vs. flight" in terms of self-development and career. In retrospect, he sees that he usually opted for "flight," since he often ran away from his problems, finding escape only in alcohol, which he was able to overcome 11 years ago in order to save his marriage.

The book is divided into three parts - history, coping and living with PTSD, and lessons learned, with an epilogue discussing the path to self-discovery. Sparks has clearly done much research in the area of PTSD, citing a number of studies of the still not-fully recognized disorder and its inter-generational effects. There is much food for thought, and anyone who has had similar experiences will have much to reflect on when reading this book.

On this 2011 Veteran's Day I want to highly recommend this book to all the Veterans from World War II all the way thru the current Iraq&Afganistan wars to please read this book on the effects of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder(PTSD)on the family and the returning Vets from Wars. Steve Sparks relays the story of his Toxic Family upbringing in a household of PTSD resulting from a Father who served in World Way II and Korea and spent 66 straight months in combat. He was a hero by day and a victim of PTSD at night when he was at home with his family. Steve grew up filled with HATE along with his three brothers and one sister. His story is his way of understanding his parents better and the effects of PTSD on the family and hopefully helping other families understand the effects of it on the children and parents. Its is only recently that the Military and Health Care Professional have recognized this condition and are treating our Veterans. I personally am a Viet Nam veteran and the book really ministered to me and helped me understand that I also went thru this when I came home from Nam.

I am an early baby boomer born in 1945 just days after WWII ended. Both my uncle and father participated in that war. My uncle retired an admiral but was captain of a destroyer which was severely damaged by torpedo in the Pacific Theater of WWII. As a young child I remember him telling me stories of that fateful day and his efforts that saved the ship and brought it back safely but not without loss of life and severe injuries. It was my first understanding of the tragedies of war and, while devastating, it instilled in me an interest in war and it's effects on the millions of people who have been impacted over my 65+ year history on earth and even before (I have always had an interest in and studied the US Civil War) I have followed closely the major conflicts in Korea, Viet Nam, Iraq, and Afghanistan. The casualty counts in these wars have been horrific. Mostly all we hear about are the physical destruction of life and limb (those killed in action and wounded) via the daily counts as published on the internet or newspapers.

Until recently we rarely have been exposed to the psychological impacts of war that have had major devastating effects on individuals and families lives. As indicated in the book these have always been referred to as "Battle Fatigue" I have heard stories, seen some movies on the topic and maybe read a few articles but nothing as enlightening and definitive as this portrayed by author Steve Sparks in this telling expose on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Mr. Sparks does a masterful job of bringing to light the destructive effects of PTSD by reliving his own lifelong experiences with the disease and its impact on him, his family, career, and society. Not only do we learn of the struggles and exponential damage this disease has caused but on the positive side we also learn ways in how to cope with PTSD and more importantly key lessons learned in this author's experiences in the healing, hope and path to self discovery. This is a timely narrative. I would highly recommend it to any of the 8 million servicemen and their families who have either experienced PTSD or may yet experience it. The book could provide some valuable understanding and long overdue closure or, better yet, stave off a lifelong struggle in having to deal with the destructive impact of this crippling disease.