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I Refuse to Raise a Brat [Abridged, Audiobook] [Audio Cassette]

Marilu Henner (Author, Reader)
2.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (53 customer reviews)


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Book Description

November 24, 1999

Parents often inadvertently confuse love with overindulgence. They don't want their children to suffer a moment of frustration or be deprived of any desire. But in truth, a balance of frustration tolerance and gratification is necessary to become a resilient and responsible adult.

Of course, every child is difficult on occasion, but true brats are constantly selfish, demanding, and incapable of listening. Their parents must regularly plead, cajole, and bargain with them to exert some control. So what makes a child become a brat in the first place? And what can a parent do--or not do--to keep their children from becoming brats?

Since being a mother is her most important role, renowned actress Marilu Henner has often turned to Dr. Ruth Sharon, a highly respected psychoanalyst, for advice on raising her own children. Together, in I Refuse to Raise a Brat, they have created a practical and accessible guidebook based on Dr. Sharon's fundamental observation: Adults with the greatest emotional difficulties were generally overgratified, overprotected, and overindulged as children.

Filled with answers to real-life questions, practical advice, and humorous anecdotes, I Refuse to Raise a Brat is a witty and uniquely helpful resource to help parents raise secure and self-reliant children.



Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Marilu Henner, costar of the TV sitcom Taxi turned bestselling self-help author, has a strong message for doting parents: stop spoiling your children. Many of today's moms and dads confuse placating with loving, spurred by a desire to give their kids the world on a silver platter. Cowritten by Henner (mother of two boys) and her personal psychoanalyst Dr. Ruth Sharon, I Refuse to Raise a Brat explores the long-term effects of overgratifying youngsters and offers a wealth of situational advice.

Henner and Sharon theorize that a child's ability to balance independence and cooperation directly results from the parent-child relationship; too much negotiation, too many toys, exaggerated praise, and overprotection do not help that child in the long run. Instead of learning compliance, the child will learn that everything is open to discussion; in place of gratitude, the child learns greed (either physical greed for more "stuff" or emotional greed for more of the spotlight); and instead of feeling safe, the child will learn helplessness.

The women incorporate a question/answer style throughout their book's 12 somewhat disjointed chapters. Questions such as "Our 18-month old wakes up at five every morning and then he wants to play. What do I do?" receive a practical two- to four-sentence response from Dr. Sharon (Answer: "Don't blame your baby.... If he gets nine or ten hours' sleep, he has every right to wake up at 5 a.m.") Then Marilu responds--sometimes serious, often with a humorous anecdote or one-liner, or at times with a completely unrelated comment. Perhaps not the most authoritative resource, this book will still please, inform, and strike familiar chords in parents who seek nonphysical ways to gain and keep respect. --Liane Thomas --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

Actress Henner, who entered the realm of authorship with a couple of health books, now offers her advice on parenting. A supporter of psychoanalyst Ruth Sharon, Henner's basic philosophy is that children are overindulged and thus do not develop into independent adults. Through a Q&A format, Henner relates Sharon's theories about many childhood concerns such as sleep and discipline, adding anecdotes from her own experiences with her two preschool-age sons. Like other books of this nature, this one has some nuggets of useful advice. The overall presentation, however, is impractical with its black-and-white view of parenting. While real-life examples can personalize otherwise dry information, Henner becomes grating and self-serving when talking about her own children. In addition, she provides misleading information about breastfeeding. The most interesting portions are her memories of her own colorful childhood, making the listener hope that Henner's next writing venture will be an autobiography. While this program can supplement well-rounded parenting collections, it should not replace more comprehensive manuals.
-Susan McCaffrey, Haslett H.S., MI
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product Details

  • Audio Cassette
  • Publisher: HarperAudio; Abridged edition (November 24, 1999)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0694521299
  • ISBN-13: 978-0694521296
  • Product Dimensions: 7 x 4.3 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 3.2 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 2.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (53 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,809,415 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

53 Reviews
5 star:
 (9)
4 star:
 (5)
3 star:
 (7)
2 star:
 (2)
1 star:
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Average Customer Review
2.3 out of 5 stars (53 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

61 of 66 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars Therapist and Henner Tag-team advice, December 28, 1999
I agree with some of Marilu Henner's health advice but can't agree with much of the childrearing advice given in this book. To make pat judgements about so many topics that are person-specific is wrong and unfair - for example, Dr Sharon states that allowing a teenager to sleep in on the weekends will result absolutely in a lazy adult. Both Henner and Sharon feel that it is unacceptable to allow a child to take a mental-health day from school. Attitudes expressed about theories and practices that are well-accepted in many other countries of the world (breastfeeding to a later toddler age, the family bed) seem flippant and harsh. Just because certain attitudes prevail in America does NOT mean that they are correct or healthier. While the question and answer format has worked well in other childrearing books, it seemed forced and flip here. I can appreciate that Henner is a comedienne and that a sense of humor is important, but I didn't always find the sense of humor in this book appropriate and often found it grating. There are more comprehensive childrearing books on the market.
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60 of 65 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars Disappointing advice,misleading information, January 6, 2000
By 
H. Dana (portland, oregon United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
While I have always enjoyed Marilu Henner on T.V. I will never look to her for parenting advice. This book is too simplistic and adheres to a one size fits all mindset. While I was happy to see that she promotes breastfeeding, some of the information is completely false. For example, it is extremely rare for a woman not to make enough milk and drinking more water is not what makes a good milk supply. Allowing your baby to feed on cue does. Also, practices like co-sleeping (the family bed) are not what make children bratty and dependent (in fact the research proves the opposite to be true)parents produce brats by failing to establish who is the voice of authority in their household, fearing they will hurt the child's "self esteem". Why won't parenting "experts" stop blaming certain practices for ruining children? It is an overall indulgent lifestyle that is to blame. The family bed, extended breastfeeding, or other nurturing parenting styles used for thousands of years all over the world should not be used as the scapegoat because parents don't want to take the time to raise their children. I'm sure Marilu Henner is a wonderful mother but she assumes in her book that because her way worked for her it must work for all. Please do not give this book to new parents. Instead buy Our Babies, Ourselves by Meredith Small and Mothering and Fathering by Tine Thevenin.
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28 of 30 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars Not a Helpful Book, January 10, 2000
By A Customer
As a parent of three children, I found this book to be obnoxious. What Marilu and Dr. Sharon consider to be "overindulgence", in many instances, I call "nuturing". They don't take into account that you can be a disciplinarian as well as respecting your children for who they are, even when they are young babies. It would be better to buy a comprehensive book on the different stages a child goes through by age since there is no one "right" way that guarantees good behavior in every child. Marilu doesn't have any real qualifications for writing a parenting book other than having two small children of her own. This is not a book to give as a gift to any parent, it is very subjective and could be offensive.
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Inside This Book (learn more)
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First Sentence:
May 12, 1994. I remember it will. Read the first page
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
big brats, been overindulged
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
New York, Sharon's View Parents
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Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Index | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
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